APB: Cellarites missing.

[fargon]

Where is Aliantha?

[zippyt]

at a south seas resort with her midgets

[fargon]

Oh I see.

[Aliantha]

I've been giving the cellar a swerve lately. Haven't even been reading posts. Not sure why. I've just been sorting things out. Last year was pretty shit from start to finish except for the cakes, and by the end of it, I really just wanted to curl up into a ball and give up, but I'm making progress and things are progressing, so all in all, I'm doing ok. Focusing on the kids and my business.

My friends keep telling me I should be dating, but honestly, the thought of even being close to anyone on a romantic level or even just for sex is not even appealing. I never thought I would ever feel like that. Not that I'm pining away for my marriage either. I'm quite happy with the way my life is at the moment. Definitely don't want to share my personal space with anyone.

[lumberjim]

Reaquiainting yourself with yourself. Very important. You don't need any help with that. I'm happy to hear from you again. Take this phase as is comes. This too shall pass. We'll be here.

[xoxoxoBruce]

So you find yourself in a position you always though would suck, but find yourself comfortable in it. Yeah, that happens sometimes, and I agree it's a big surprise. When it challenges what you've always believed and took for granted, it tends to make you wonder about other ideas you thought were set in stone.
It also tends to be disconcerting if you dwell on it, so it's better to roll with it knowing at any time you're uncomfortable with where you're at, that can be changed. Even if you can't sail away then and there, you can hoist anchor and start drifting away.

[Aliantha]

I was afraid that i wouldn't be able to cope on my own, which was a dumb idea because I always have before, so I don't really know where that fear came from. Probably because I was totally dependent on him financially (a position that I have never been in before in my life) and I forgot that I am a resourceful woman who doesn't need anyone else to run my life for me in any way. I gave up all my power through the course of my relationship. Bit by bit it was all gone because I allowed it to happen. I made excuses for it such as needing to be at home for the kids etc, but in the end I've found a way to be here and be independent also. I don't know. It's taken a while for me to see things more clearly. I'm not angry anymore. Not really. There are still things that I think maybe need dealing with or maybe I just need to let it all go. There's still a part of me that hopes maybe things can be fixed for the sake of our family, but I haven't come to the point where I'm willing to let go of that hope yet. I'm not really feeling the love anymore though, not in the way I think I probably should, so I don't know if it will ever work again. He says he's ready for marriage counselling. I'm willing to give it a go, but I think it might be a little too late now. I really don't spend much time thinking about it anymore. It'd be nice for the kids though, but not sure we'll ever have a conventional marriage again.

[xoxoxoBruce]

It may be too late for counseling, but might be interesting too. You're coming to the table from a different place now, a place of strength, without the nagging fears that if it doesn't end in reconciliation you're fucked. As a result you can be more open with your feelings of what worked and what didn't. What ever you decide to do, and however it plays out, you're cool.

Oh, and wear something that lets your nipples poke through, it drives every guy crazy.

[Aliantha]

i don't think my husband would care. That was half the problem in our relationship. He wasn't interested in sex with me.

[Big Sarge]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

i don't think my husband would care. That was half the problem in our relationship. He wasn't interested in sex with me.

The man must be an idiot

[DanaC]

Or has severely impaired vision.

Takes a little while to relearn being yourself I think, after a relationship. We kind of become a different version of ourselves with someone else. Which is fine if you're in sympatico, but when a relationship has run into trouble, that sense a shared self can become an incremental trap. Aspects of yourself that fell away or were subsumed into your partner/family start to feel like a loss. The thing I found really liberating was not feeling in some way partially responsible for someone else's state of mind.

Maybe things can still be repaired for you guys, who knows. Not needing them to be, but open to the possibilities is a very strong position from which to approach counselling. Has to be right for you though, Ali - the kids will be fine in a family that doesn't all live in the same house, but you already know that a relationship that isn't working is not fine to live in.

Just my tuppen'orth. Whatever happens, I hope life continues to get brighter.

[Spexxvet]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

i don't think my husband would care. That was half the problem in our relationship. He wasn't interested in sex with me.

That's crazy. I've had sex with you 3 times since yesterday.

[Spexxvet]

In my dreams

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

That's crazy. I've had sex with you 3 times since yesterday.

[sexobon]

I hope someone has been feeding our Bunny. Her foodblog has been empty for awhile.