Aliantha's attention avarice advances alliteration attempts by assclown - Page 2

Trilby · 09-04-2007, 08:02 AM

motivated to mock the masses.

YOINK!

Spexxvet · 09-04-2007, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sycamore

Jim, could you please send me some of whatever the fuck you're smoking? ...

He uses the cyber date-rape drug. On himself. Then he brutally attacks his penis. And likes it.

Flint · 09-04-2007, 11:34 AM

This first part is really funny:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

He uses the cyber date-rape drug. On himself.

But this part is completely unnecessary:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

Then he brutally attacks his penis.

Adding too much information can ruin a joke. Next, more overkill:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spexxvet

And likes it.

It's a repeat of the "long/short" timing, from the first two lines. Too much of a good thing.

Spexxvet · 09-04-2007, 11:44 AM

I was trying to meet specific criteria:

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

....to pop into a thread after it has played and deride those involved by taking it seriously and making snooty comments. Fillibusterer, tw frequently employs this maddening method of mushmouthed manipulation when he is motivated to mock the masses.
...

Just that first sentence wouldn't have been serious, snooty, or mushmouthed enough.

Flint · 09-04-2007, 11:46 AM

Less is more. The first sentence was powerful. The additional text only diluted it, leaving it spread thin, and ineffective.

Trilby · 09-04-2007, 11:50 AM

It's nice to see some literary criticism taking place here in the Cellar. Long overdue, I say.

Cicero · 09-04-2007, 01:24 PM

I think if she had separated those three comments only adding in between other people's posts it would have really worked.
An "LJ Streaming Narrative".
A new and innovative writing style. Whaddaya think? I might adopt it.

Flint · 09-04-2007, 01:29 PM

Demonstrate?

Cicero · 09-04-2007, 01:39 PM

Well, say I brought up possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer.

Flint · 09-04-2007, 01:43 PM

What is the "new and innovative writing style" ???

Cicero · 09-04-2007, 01:51 PM

I'm getting to that Flint. I am demostrating. The new and innovative writing style is the "LJ Streaming Narrative."

Now say I brought up possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer as an example. (this is fiction folks and not intended as a jab)
Again.

Flint · 09-04-2007, 01:56 PM

Okay, let's say you brought up the possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer. As an...example. Of...something.

Cicero · 09-04-2007, 02:12 PM

Lj scowls and folds up the binoculars, and goes to the back bedroom and opens the drawer.

Flint · 09-04-2007, 02:16 PM

Flint falls asleep at his desk. He falls and hits his head on the keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd... . . . like that?

Cicero · 09-04-2007, 04:17 PM

He digs through his latest copies of ass-masters and deposits the binoculars in his favorite hiding spot.

09-04-2007, 08:02 AM	#16
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	motivated to mock the masses. YOINK! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

09-04-2007, 11:46 AM	#20
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Less is more. The first sentence was powerful. The additional text only diluted it, leaving it spread thin, and ineffective. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-04-2007, 11:50 AM	#21
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	It's nice to see some literary criticism taking place here in the Cellar. Long overdue, I say. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

09-04-2007, 01:24 PM	#22
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	I think if she had separated those three comments only adding in between other people's posts it would have really worked. An "LJ Streaming Narrative". A new and innovative writing style. Whaddaya think? I might adopt it. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

09-04-2007, 01:29 PM	#23
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Demonstrate? __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-04-2007, 01:39 PM	#24
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Well, say I brought up possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

09-04-2007, 01:43 PM	#25
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	What is the "new and innovative writing style" ??? __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-04-2007, 01:51 PM	#26
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	I'm getting to that Flint. I am demostrating. The new and innovative writing style is the "LJ Streaming Narrative." Now say I brought up possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer as an example. (this is fiction folks and not intended as a jab) Again. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

09-04-2007, 01:56 PM	#27
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Okay, let's say you brought up the possible contents of LJ's underwear drawer. As an...example. Of...something. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-04-2007, 02:12 PM	#28
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Lj scowls and folds up the binoculars, and goes to the back bedroom and opens the drawer. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

09-04-2007, 02:16 PM	#29
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Flint falls asleep at his desk. He falls and hits his head on the keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd... . . . like that? __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-04-2007, 04:17 PM	#30
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	He digs through his latest copies of ass-masters and deposits the binoculars in his favorite hiding spot. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

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