What's upsetting you today?

[Shawnee123]

That is fucking bullshit, Dana. Jesus, wtf is wrong with people? Your anger is justified. Knowing you, you will channel this into some meaningful way to make a difference. But it just really sucks.

[DanaC]

Right now I want to channel it into a train journey to Bolton and fucking big showdown with the Police...but I am sure by morning my rage will have subsided enough to be rational again.

[Shawnee123]

It will...but it's a tough thing to wait for morning. I think it helps that you're writing about it.

[DanaC]

It does help actually. I think it's an eminently sensible part of myself that draws me to post on stuff like this. By the time I've talked it through on here I usually feel much better/clearer/calmer. Like now for instance.

[jinx]

Aw man, that's just brutal Dana.

[Griff]

Good Lord, that is awful. Too little human decency in law enforcement.

[classicman]

Ugh - Sorry to hear that Dana. Sometimes....

: Bites tongue :

[footfootfoot]

That is awful Dana. I'm sorry.

[Aliantha]

Write something for the paper. Things like that need to be exposed.

[Pie]

That's horrible, Dana! Isn't access to medications a basic human right, even in jail?

Do you have the names of the officers involved? A very public shaming might be just the ticket.

[DanaC]

Unfortunately i have absolutely no details. Dad never said anything about it. This was the landlady at his local pub. All I know is what I posted. That it happened about two years ago, and that he apparently was held overnight without his oxygen.

Mum wants me to drop it. I haven't talked to Mart yet. I am considering paying a visit to Bolton police station at some point in the next few weeks. I want to see if they have a record of him being held. If he was never charged, I don't know if they'd keep the record.

[lookout123]

Lil Lookout has had some issues become more of a concern over the last six months that we just wrote off as attitude and motivation issues. He is very intelligent so his growing aversion to reading we simply chalked up to being lazy. He can run through his math tables verbally but completely panics if he has to write them. There are quite a few other things that taken separately mean nothing and that is exactly what we saw - nothing.

The kid has always been truly happy with a ball at his feet and that is what stopped me in my tracks. I always said soccer is his deal and when he's bored or burned out he's done no questions asked. He's a phenomenal player and over the last few months he has continued the great performances but you could see the joy was gone. Then the meltdowns started.

During a recent penalty shoot out the keeper blocked one of his shots. He came apart at the seams as soon as he got to the touchline. He was sobbing and shaking and just laid down and covered up with a blanket. WTF? The keeper made a nice save, no problem. It took me the rest of the day to actually get him to open up - something that has been impossible to get him to do recently. Long story short(er) is he heard people laughing at him for missing and he actually heard one of the dads (a true dick) tell him he sucks. The only real problem is that it didn't happen. Everyone cheered and told him good try. He still didn't believe it when I replayed the video for him. Strange. A definite cause for concern for me.

That night I was in bed thinking it over and things kind of slipped into place hard enough to make my eyeballs click. The reason he gave for his meltdown over reading the week before was because he knew I'd laugh at him. The problem with math was because his teacher laughed at him. The reason he's been clamming up on the field is he'd rather do nothing than make a mistake and have everyone laugh or yell. Apparently he hasn't been playing at recess for fear of making a mistake.

WTF have I done to my kid? He's absolutely cracking under the pressure to be successful. But then I thought about it more and it just didn't explain it. The kid really has no pressure. Failure or success has always been praised in the same way in our house - it's the effort and the behavior that is praised, not the result.

I made an appointment with a psychologist we're very comfortable with having used him ourselves for marriage counselling. He specializes in children but we liked him well enough to use him for ourselves. Initial work and testing came back with the result that Lil Lookout was off the charts, serious problem, do something right now in the areas of anxiety and depression. WTF? He's 7. The doc showed us his initial workups and pointed out they were consistent with ADHD. His concern was that while anxiety and depression are usually biproducts of ADHD, they can also be the source of ADHD like results in children who are not truly ADHD. The chicken and the egg story. Through extensive observation and testing and numerous surveys filled out by parents, grandparents, teachers, and family friends the diagnosis is back and absolutely everything consistently points to ADHD.

We've heard plenty of horror stories about kids thrown on maintenance drugs for ADHD and the like so we don't really want to go down that road. The doctor has been really good and has helped us create a non-drug plan for Lil Lookout. Therapy, behavioral stuff, and blahblahblah. It all sounds really good and we said let's do it. The doc said ok, but then came back to the meds issue. He said he'll go along with the no meds plan right now and he believes Lil Lookout will see some positive results BUT he has absolutely ZERO doubt that Lil Lookout will end up on meds within the next year or two. Because of our previous experiences with this guy we know he isn't a "drugs are the answer" kind of guy otherwise I'd just write it off as the normal infatuation with chemical fixes for everything.

The doc then pulled out another file and started showing us the notes. He explained that it was his son's file (he uses another doc for him). His kid is ADHD and his charts are nearly identical to Lil Lookout's. You really could switch them and not really notice much. His first displayed problems at age 6 but not liking the meds route he tried everything else. Finally at age 13 the family caved and tried the meds. within a semester the kid had a complete turnaround. The kid later on questioned why they didn't do it sooner because he said for the first time in his life he was happy. He could actually function and focus with the rest of the world around him. His kid is now 21 and went off the meds 3 years ago. Everything was fine for about a year and then the kid came back begging to be put back on meds because he could feel the difference and everything was starting to spiral out of control for him at college. He went back on and has been fine ever since.

I've talked to a psychologist friend of mine, my aunt who is also a child psychologist, and another friend who deals with behavioral and learning disabilities in a local school. They've all said the same thing: Do it. These are all people who know Lil Lookout and care for him. They are all professionals in the field. None of them is a big fan of thowing pills down everyone's throat.

For a week my wife and I have talked about it and we see a lot of great reasons to try the meds but we're still afraid to do it and we have no rational reason other than we are afraid to start our kid on meds he'll need for years and possibly forever.

Where is the magic 8 ball when you need it?

[limey]

I'm really sorry you're going through this, Lookout. As someone who developed asthma as a child, I simply ask you - would you be so divided in your mind if you were talking about asthma meds? Also for the rest of a life - but making such a difference to quality of life?

[lookout123]

Um, wow. I had not even thought of it in that manner. The fact is that LL does have asthma and allergy medication that he's taken to varying degrees since he was 3. After the umpteenth time we took him in for breathing issues the doctor said, "the kid needs XYZ medication" and we did it. While it bothers me that he has been dependent on medication that is simply because I wish he wasn't. But it helps him to breathe which is a good thing, so we keep the meds going. End of story.

It is entirely possible that my issue here is not entirely the pill but the idea of why the pill may be necessary. I need to ponder that for a bit.

[classicman]

Lookout - Took me months to agree to put my son on meds. He was on them for about 6 to 9 months. He stopped taking them and has been pretty much ok since. that was a few years ago.