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#331 |
NSABFD
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS. usa
Posts: 3,908
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Guess I deleted the BUbba thing, but this is kinda cute.
Martha's Way Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. Maxine's Way Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! Martha's Way Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. Maxine's Way Leftover wine???????? HEL-LO !!!!! ![]()
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I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. |
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#332 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Oct. 1 - GOD, GOOGLED, EXISTS
59,900,000 Search Results Evidence of Deity, Experts Agree. In the most conclusive evidence of a Supreme Being ever discovered, a Google™ search of God has proved once and for all that He exists, theologians agreed today. “To those doubters out there who still don’t believe that God exists, I have just one piece of advice: Google™ Him,” said Dr. George Darlington of the University of Minnesota Divinity School. The Google™ search of God turned up over 59 million websites featuring Him, a number that theological scholars around the world said makes God’s existence an open and shut case. The stunning discovery, expected to wipe out atheism worldwide, was made entirely by accident by Jason Blivens, 22, a video-store clerk in Tacoma, WA. Speaking to reporters today at his home, Mr. Blivens said he meant to do a Google™ search of the word “bod” but accidentally typed the letter “g” instead of “b.” “As soon as those search results came up, I immediately alerted the authorities,” Mr. Blivens said. “I knew this was something big.” In contrast with the 59 million sites found for God, a Google™ for Satan turned up only 3 million sites, suggesting that God is much more powerful than Satan, as theologians have long argued. But in a finding that some scholars called worrisome, Paris Hilton turned up on over 3.5 million sites, indicating that the hotel heiress has actually eclipsed the Lord of Darkness as a force for evil. In a positive development, however, “good” received 178 million search results while “evil” snagged only 17 million, 16 million of those stemming from foreign policy speeches by President George W. Bush. ![]()
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 10-04-2004 at 10:31 PM. |
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#333 |
NSABFD
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS. usa
Posts: 3,908
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How many hits ya get if ya pop in "sex"?
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I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. |
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#334 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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You can't just "pop in" sex. You have to buy her dinner first, unless you're Kobe.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#335 |
NSABFD
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS. usa
Posts: 3,908
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Damn, living ALONE. I forgot that. Silly me.
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I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. |
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#336 |
Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
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[quote=lookout123]i think it is important to be aware - if you have a noisy Choking the chicken as a cure for insomnia.. I'll have to remember that one.
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#337 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Sure Steve, like you ever forgot. I suppose you forgot how to ride a bike too.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#338 |
Lecturer
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: CT USA
Posts: 826
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You might have seen this before, I got it in an email today and thought it funny enough to post.
![]() Things that make you go hmmm... Questions that really need answers... 1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" 2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt." 3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? 4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? 5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? 6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? 7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? 8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! 9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? 10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? 11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? 12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 13. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have thesame tune? 14. Stop singing and read on.......... 15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? 16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? 17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? 18. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place? Are you still singing the alphabet song?
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"To disarm the people is the most effectual way to enslave them." ~George Mason~ |
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#339 |
changed his status to single
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Right behind you. No, the other side.
Posts: 10,308
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DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using each letter only once): TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!
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Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin |
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#340 |
changed his status to single
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Right behind you. No, the other side.
Posts: 10,308
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Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin |
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#341 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Watch out for these new viruses - Symantec nor McAfee have solutions as yet!!!
~The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. ~The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory. ~The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting. ~The John Kerry virus - causes the floppy to flip flop on its stored memory. ~The Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy. ~The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did. ~The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back. ~The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes. ~The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 150 GB. ~The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted. ~The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care. ~The Joey Buttafuoco Virus - Only attacks minor files. ~The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy ... then discards it through Windows.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#342 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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A young newly-engaged couple wanted to get married in a really spectacular church. The priest said, "We have a number of requirements for new couples who wish to get married here. Among them is that they must abstain from having sex until after the ceremony."
The couple looked at one another, thinking how special this church was and so, reluctantly they agreed. On the day of the ceremony they went to meet with the priest. The priest asked the couple "Were you able to abstain from sex?" "No Father, we were not able to go without sex for the engagement." The young man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the priest. "To get our minds off of sex we decided to do a home repair project. My fiance was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf, and her miniskirt rose up revealing her panties. I got very excited by this and then she dropped the can of paint and bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right then and there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the priest. "We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either."
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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#343 |
changed his status to single
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Right behind you. No, the other side.
Posts: 10,308
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__________________
Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin |
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#344 | |
Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
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Credit: "Travel Naturally" magazine. I guess it's too late now...
Quote:
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#345 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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that is why virtually ALL of my ex-husbands live in the good ol' USA.
i say "virtually" because I cannot be certain of Jamaica. It was Carnivale...
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
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