Humor...I Need Humor...

[Clodfobble]

That's what they were trying to warn everyone about, that one miner "likes parties"...

[squirell nutkin]

"Doesn't much matter to me what you wear, just gonna be the two of us..."

[BigV]

Originally Posted by squirell nutkin

"Doesn't much matter to me what you wear, just gonna be the two of us..."

Please tell the whole joke!

[Pete Zicato]

Originally Posted by BigV

Please tell the whole joke!

That would spoil its use as an oblique/obscure reference. How, then, would we be able to tell the outsiders?

[BigV]

There is me, and you're all outsiders.

minus the ones that live in my head of course.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Pete Zicato

That would spoil its use as an oblique/obscure reference. How, then, would we be able to tell the outsiders?

Or, we could just use a numeric system:

A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.

The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."

So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number six!" There was dead silence in the cell block. He asks the older prisoner, "What's wrong? Why didn't I get any laughs?"

"Well," said the older man, "sometimes it's not the joke, but how you tell it."

[BrianR]

A plane crashed in the middle of rural Wisconsin . Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there,
the disaster was clear.



The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree

line that bordered a farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone.

They spotted a lone farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?".

"Yep. Sure did." the farmer mumbled unconcernedly, cutting off the tractor's engine.

"Do you realize that is the airplane of the President of the United States ?"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?"

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning.."

"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff shouted.

"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... But you know how bad that sumbitch lies."

[spudcon]

A couple living in a small Appalachian village take on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom as such but she could use a tin bath in
front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to bowl," the woman said. So the young girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday night.

After her husband had gone off for his bowling tournament, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed.

She was surprised to see that the young lass didn't have any pubic hair and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week, when you go off to bowl, I'll leave a little gap in the curtains
so that you can see for yourself, alright?"

The following Monday night, while the girl got undressed for her bath, the wife asked her, "Do you shave down there?"

"No," replied the girl, "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs on yours?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman and she showed the girl her very hairy muff.

After the girl had gone to bed the husband came home and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"

"Why not?" she said, "You've seen it before.

"I know," he replied, "but the bowling team hadn't!"

[GunMaster357]

One afternoon in a beginners sky diving class, the students sat attentively as the instructor lectured. During class he would take time to answer any of the student's stupid "First Timer Questions". One guy asked:

"If our chute doesn't open... and the reserve doesn't open, how long dowe have 'til we hit the ground?"

The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life."

[Gravdigr]

GM357, that "the rest of your life" bit reminded me of this.

"...all the way to the scene of the crash." Ah, Ron White slays me.

[squirell nutkin]

"I bet we beat the paramedics there by a half an hour."

[classicman]

you're a lawyer?!?!?!?! Since when?

[spudcon]

Originally Posted by squirell nutkin

"Doesn't much matter to me what you wear, just gonna be the two of us..."

Remember the song "Timothy?"

[BigV]

You know the difference between erotic and kinky, don't you?

































Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken!

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by spudcon

Remember the song "Timothy?"

Timmah??