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Old 12-06-2011, 10:22 PM   #4306
Nirvana
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An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.

Everybody standing around was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.

The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;

"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but...but I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for all of us here:

*Don't be arrogant.
*Don't waste ammunition.
*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
*Always make sure you know who is in control.
*And finally, don't screw around with old folks; they didn't
get old by being stupid!
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Old 12-06-2011, 11:51 PM   #4307
monster
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.
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Old 12-06-2011, 11:56 PM   #4308
Pete Zicato
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No fair. I almost woke Mrs. Z up.

Great movie btw.
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Old 12-07-2011, 08:52 AM   #4309
Gravdigr
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Name:  Captureghdfghdf.JPG
Views: 525
Size:  106.5 KB
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Old 12-07-2011, 08:56 AM   #4310
infinite monkey
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What do you do if you see your husband stumbling around the back yard?

Shoot him again.
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Old 12-07-2011, 08:56 AM   #4311
glatt
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigV View Post
Hey mititelu

check this out: I think you'll like it.
Hey, look at that. We have a thread where racist and sexist jokes can go.
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Old 12-07-2011, 10:50 AM   #4312
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
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Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
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Those were pretty funny though they were in the wrong thread. The first one I heard as a Jewish grandmother telling the homeless man "Force yourself"
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Old 12-08-2011, 03:02 PM   #4313
UncaDollas
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Old 12-08-2011, 11:32 PM   #4314
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
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Just to keep things moving from the stupid "thing" above ...


The Dali Lama walks into a Pizza shop and asks

Can you make me one with everything?
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Old 12-09-2011, 09:17 AM   #4315
regular.joe
Старый сержант
 
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Location: NC, dreaming of large Russian women.
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Here is a video to try and make up for that other video. I laughed at quite a few, but I'm a simple guy.

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Death, like birth, is a secret of Nature. - Marcus Aurelius.

Last edited by regular.joe; 12-09-2011 at 09:18 AM. Reason: I wish I could type.
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Old 12-09-2011, 09:17 AM   #4316
infinite monkey
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To assist with the moving along:

Wife: Okay, today's Friday. Where's your pay envelope?

Man: I already spent all my pay. I bought something for the house.

Wife: What? What could you buy for the house that cost $480?

Man: Eight rounds of drinks.
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Old 12-09-2011, 12:57 PM   #4317
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
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Posts: 30,852
...and then she hit him
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Old 12-09-2011, 01:39 PM   #4318
Nirvana
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FIFY

and then she shot him
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Old 12-09-2011, 03:05 PM   #4319
GunMaster357
Professor
 
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back, "said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
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Old 12-12-2011, 04:58 AM   #4320
Gravdigr
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Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
From 51 jokes in 4 minutes:

Quote:
Q: What did the YouTuber say when he came in fifth place in a race? A: First!!
I don't get it.
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