Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 31

BigV · 04-05-2005, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by busterb

My test are back from the VA.

....yeah, but your profile location still says MS, not far bank of river jordan...

or was this post post dated?

busterb · 04-05-2005, 09:07 PM

From the VA, as in veterans hospital

wolf · 04-05-2005, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by busterb

My test are back from the VA.

That was fast. You had the labs drawn when, around 1972 or so?

I spent the last couple days with some folks who work in one up here ... they had some scary stories to tell that probably wouldn't surprise you at all. Just be careful your next trip over to make sure that they don't take your kidney you aren't using and let someone else have it ...

busterb · 04-05-2005, 09:12 PM

Wolf, Almost that bad. But it's better last few years. Your DR. has to find a few folks who fit the profile, as to who needs training. Today was to test the wig pickers.

Tonchi · 04-06-2005, 06:11 PM

Please forgive me if this one got posted already, but I tried to read all 31 pages of the thread last night and had to give up because my jaw kept falling on the keyboard -

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on a beach and picked it up. Suddenly a female Genie arose from the bottle and
with a smile said: "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I
don't need any common woman giving me anything", barked Bin Laden.

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be
returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment. Then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning; so just grant it and be off with you!"

The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya
Harding, and Hillary Clinton.

His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had no health insurance.

God is good.

BrianR · 04-19-2005, 12:41 AM

Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught. The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic. Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished it and immediately a

genie appeared.

You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment", said the genie."As a reward I shall grant you one wish."

"Well" said the Prince, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog. They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" the Prince asked.

The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. "This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?"

The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana," said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo. "But now I love this woman called Camilla," and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see Camilla

isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?"

The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Let's have a look at that dog again."

Kitsune · 04-19-2005, 10:14 AM

And the best baby name of the year 2003 goes to:
This Lucky Child

Pie · 04-19-2005, 10:25 AM

All I could think was "Was this one of those e-bay baby names?"

Elspode · 04-19-2005, 11:22 AM

No, this is one of those babies named by drug-addled parents (Icy 8...Special K...c'mon).

Pie · 04-19-2005, 01:12 PM

Guess I lead a sheltered life.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-19-2005, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsune

And the best baby name of the year 2003 goes to:
This Lucky Child

That is so sad.

Kitsune · 04-19-2005, 10:32 PM

No, this is one of those babies named by drug-addled parents (Icy 8...Special K...c'mon).

I think Elspode got it, as the infant is giving the "West Side" sign with his left hand.

mrnoodle · 04-22-2005, 03:39 PM

The Washington Post's Style Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.-Enjoy. Here are this year's winners

1. Intaxication - Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation - Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.) - The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy - Any misrepresentation about yourself, for the purpose of getting l*id.

5. Cashtration (n.) - The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti - Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte - To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis - Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis - A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon - It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.) - The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido - All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect - The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) - The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) - Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.) - The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature
18. Ignoranus - A person who's both stupid and an a-hole.

BigV · 04-22-2005, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

--snip--
7. Sarchasm The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Hipatitis - Terminal coolness.

And the pick of the literature
18. Ignoranus - A person who's both stupid and an a-hole.

Should be in the cellar FAQ for newbies.

Bravo! LMAO

busterb · 04-22-2005, 10:04 PM

Babys name. Can you picture when going for welfare. WHF you make me type al dis shit fo?

04-05-2005, 09:07 PM	#452
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	From the VA, as in veterans hospital __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. Last edited by busterb; 04-05-2005 at 09:08 PM. Reason: Add

04-05-2005, 09:12 PM	#454
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	Wolf, Almost that bad. But it's better last few years. Your DR. has to find a few folks who fit the profile, as to who needs training. Today was to test the wig pickers. __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. Last edited by busterb; 04-05-2005 at 09:14 PM. Reason: Add

04-06-2005, 06:11 PM	#455
Tonchi Victim of gravity Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hiding in plain sight Posts: 1,412	Please forgive me if this one got posted already, but I tried to read all 31 pages of the thread last night and had to give up because my jaw kept falling on the keyboard - While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on a beach and picked it up. Suddenly a female Genie arose from the bottle and with a smile said: "Master, may I grant you one wish?" "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything", barked Bin Laden. The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever." Osama thought a moment. Then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning; so just grant it and be off with you!" The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared. The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had no health insurance. God is good. __________________ Everything you've ever heard about Fresno is true.

04-19-2005, 12:41 AM	#456
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught. The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic. Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished it and immediately a genie appeared. You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment", said the genie."As a reward I shall grant you one wish." "Well" said the Prince, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog. They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" the Prince asked. The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. "This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?" The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana," said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo. "But now I love this woman called Camilla," and he showed the genie the second photo. "You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?" The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Let's have a look at that dog again." __________________ Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous Last edited by BrianR; 04-19-2005 at 12:42 AM. Reason: fix typo

04-19-2005, 10:25 AM	#458
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	All I could think was "Was this one of those e-bay baby names?" __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

04-19-2005, 10:14 AM	#457
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	And the best baby name of the year 2003 goes to: This Lucky Child

04-19-2005, 11:22 AM	#459
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	No, this is one of those babies named by drug-addled parents (Icy 8...Special K...c'mon). __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

04-19-2005, 01:12 PM	#460
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Guess I lead a sheltered life. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

04-19-2005, 10:32 PM	#462
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	No, this is one of those babies named by drug-addled parents (Icy 8...Special K...c'mon). I think Elspode got it, as the infant is giving the "West Side" sign with his left hand.

04-22-2005, 03:39 PM	#463
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	The Washington Post's Style Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.-Enjoy. Here are this year's winners 1. Intaxication - Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 2. Reintarnation - Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 3. Bozone (n.) - The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 4. Foreploy - Any misrepresentation about yourself, for the purpose of getting l*id. 5. Cashtration (n.) - The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 6. Giraffiti - Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 7. Sarchasm The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 8. Inoculatte - To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 9. Hipatitis - Terminal coolness. 10. Osteopornosis - A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 11. Karmageddon - It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 12. Decafalon (n.) - The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 13. Glibido - All talk and no action. 14. Dopeler effect - The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) - The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 16. Beelzebug (n.) - Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 17. Caterpallor (n.) - The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature 18. Ignoranus - A person who's both stupid and an a-hole. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

04-22-2005, 10:04 PM	#465
busterb NSABFD Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: MS. usa Posts: 3,908	Babys name. Can you picture when going for welfare. WHF you make me type al dis shit fo? __________________ I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch. Last edited by busterb; 04-22-2005 at 10:04 PM. Reason: Add

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