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#496 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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Hmmm.
Ok. That's an interesting perspective shift.
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#498 |
Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? CHANGE?!!! How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness. How many tv evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today. How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? None: Candles only. How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a light bulb? How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light! How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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#499 | ||
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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#500 |
Master Dwellar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 4,412
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How many Donald Trumps does it take to change a light bulb? None really. But he will tell you how he will change it, make it better and how proud of himself he will be after he changes it. And then the only thing he actually WILL change is his mind.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you. |
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#501 |
Professor
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
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During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Bible. He confidently stated, "If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Bible."
After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said, "Reverend, I don't think the Bible mentions anything about PMS." The preacher told the woman he was certain he could find a reference to PMS somewhere in scripture. During the following week, he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter, and verse-by-verse. On the following Sunday, the woman came up to him and asked, "Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?" The preacher smiled, opened his Bible, and began to read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."
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"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce |
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#502 |
Master Locutor
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Iowa
Posts: 155
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a priest and a rabbi see a little boy as they're walking down the street. the priest sneers and asks, "wanna screw that boy?"
the rabbi, confused, replies: "out of what?" |
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#503 |
Master Locutor
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Iowa
Posts: 155
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the worst part of being a black jew? standing at the back of the oven.
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#504 |
Banned
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Encrypted Into an AmpitheaterWall
Posts: 1,722
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2 Jews and A Polock
OK there are two Jews and a polock in this nazi death camp. The guard tells them if you can climb to the top of this 100 foot grease poll will give you your freedom. If not whatever your dad did for a living were going to do to your balls. The first jew climbs to the top and gets all the way up to the 50 slides back down crying. WHat did your dad do for a living the guard ask. He was a butcher. SO they chopped his balls off. The next jew climbs to the poll and he gets to the 75 he climbs to the top and slides down. His dad was a candle stick maker so the bunrt his balls off. THe POlock climbs all the way up to the 99 and slides all the way back down laughing. Why didn't you do it the guard asks. He replies, My dad was a lolly pop maker you have to suck my balls off.
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#505 |
polaroid of perfection
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
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The correct spelling is pollock.
And his Dad would have been a fish, so they had to wash his balls off. |
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#506 |
a beautiful fool
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
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I don't see the reason for mentioning the ethnicity of the players in this particular joke.
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There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool |
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#507 |
lobber of scimitars
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Phila Burbs
Posts: 20,774
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It's funnier this way because Jews are supposed to be more clever than everybody else ... they clearly were not in this joke ... I dunno.
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![]() ![]() "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis |
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#508 | ||
Fucktard Resistance League
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: 1.14 acres of heaven
Posts: 1,512
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#509 |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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#510 |
™
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
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Imma merge this into the tasteless jokes thread. It qualifies.
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humor |
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