Humor...I Need Humor...

[Gravdigr]

Now, say all those opposite words one after the other...




Gotcha!

[footfootfoot]

How smart am I if I knew where this was going when I saw a list of words?

[xoxoxoBruce]

he kind of smart that psychological bludgeoning gets you.

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

How smart am I if I knew where this was going when I saw a list of words?

Definitely smarter than a fifth grader.

[xoxoxoBruce]

.

[Happy Monkey]

So farmers are as bad at apostrophes as grocers?

[Gravdigr]

I thought Bruce's post was gonna turn into Luke Bryan's "Rain Is A Good Thing" (<---BroCountry warning).

Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey
Whiskey makes my baby, feel a little frisky

[classicman]

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

You know what?, "says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say 'hell' and you say 'ass', O.K.?"
"O.K." the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Aw, hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK!!
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your sweet ass it won't be Cheerios."

[footfootfoot]

Reminds me of little johnny watching the carpenters working across the street:

LJ: Hey mom! Let's play carpenter!
Mom: OK
LJ: ALright, take this string and pull it all the way across the floor. Great, now move it left juuuuuust a cunt hair.
Mom: WHACK! I most certainly will not, you take this string and march right up to your room!
LJ: Fuck if I will. That's a laborer's job.

[xoxoxoBruce]

The animal kingdom:
•A: Those that belong to the emperor
•B: Embalmed ones
•C: Those that are trained
•D: Suckling pigs
•E: Sirens
•F: Fabulous ones
•G: Stray dogs
•H: Those that are included in this classification
•I: Those that tremble as if they are mad
•J: Innumerable ones
•K: Those finely drawn with a camel hair brush
•L: Et cetera
•M: Those who’ve just broken the flower vase
•N: Those which from a distance resemble flies

[xoxoxoBruce]

Have to check Monster's pantry.

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

The animal kingdom:
•A: Those that belong to the emperor
•B: Embalmed ones
•C: Those that are trained
•D: Suckling pigs
•E: Sirens
•F: Fabulous ones
•G: Stray dogs
•H: Those that are included in this classification
•I: Those that tremble as if they are mad
•J: Innumerable ones
•K: Those finely drawn with a camel hair brush
•L: Et cetera
•M: Those who’ve just broken the flower vase
•N: Those which from a distance resemble flies

Uh...Whut?

[xoxoxoBruce]

It's an easier way then all that Latin.


Abby makes me laugh.

[Carruthers]

In a changing world, it's nice to know that some things don't change.

However, there's no mention of nuns.

Armed police swoop on suburban sex dungeon after noise complaints

Officers step in after a row boils over between a dominatrix and her neighbours over the sound of whipping

Armed police have swooped on a suburban sex dungeon after neighbours complained to police about the noise of whipping.

The resident - known as Mistress Evilyne - runs one of the UK's top sex parlours from her four-bedroom home on a leafy London street.

But now police have stepped-in after neighbours on the millionaires' row complained about the sounds of screams, whipping and spanking coming from the detached house.

Last week a neighbour called officers to report noise coming from the £750,000 home and cops were sent to deal with the complaint.

Staff at Knoll Orpington Lawn Tennis Club, situated just behind the Evilyne's home, have also complained about her activities.

Evilyne, of Orpington, Kent, fears that if there are too many complaints from residents she might be forced to close down.

She said: "My business is legal, I'm registered with HMRC and no sexual services are offered.

"People come to us with their fantasies, and we make them come true - anything from being put in a bath of baked beans to being forced to act like a dog.

"We are not loud and I don't know what the neighbours are complaining about.

"They think I'm running a brothel, and I'm not - maybe they should come for a visit to see for themselves.

"There is a lack of understanding about fetishes, and men generally keep it a secret from everyone in their life - maybe some of the wives around here are worried about their husbands."

Evilyne has lived in the detached home with her partner, who is also a dominatrix called Governess Ely, for the last two years.

The kinky 'Dungeon Manor' is well-hidden by the white façade and is also hired out to touring mistresses, as a convenient place to stay while visiting "slaves" in London.

But neighbours are fuming about the kinky goings-on at the house - which are completely legal.

One neighbour said: "It's ridiculous - there are children living here and all you can hear all day is 'slap slap scream' coming from the house.

"They ought to go and do it somewhere else."

Police confirmed that officers took a trip to the suburban sex dungeon after neighbours made a noise complaint.

But officers were satisfied that no crime had taken place and did not feel the need to handcuff the dominatrices.

A Met Police spokesman said: "We haven't made any arrests but there has been a call to the location in the last week. That was a noise complaint about filming that was going on."

Another resident, who asked not to be named, said: "We turned a blind eye for a while, but there is so many people coming there at all hours of day and night that we're worried for our own safety.

"The noise they make sometimes gets too much too. And there's always camera equipment coming in or leaving.

"You don't want your children growing up around a BDSM sex dungeon."

But Evilyne reckons that bondage is fast becoming all the rage, and hopes to carry on working.

She even rents out her dungeon - complete with sex props - to kinky couples who want to try out 'mummy porn' romp-fest 50 Shades of Grey for themselves.

Evilyne added: "A lot of couples in their 50s or so who are middle class want to have fun and try new things but can't do it at home because they have kids."

The Metropolitan Police are aware of officers attending the scene, but have not yet commented.

Daily Telegraph 8th July.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Cops with handcuffs, oooh kinky.