Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 363

fargon · 02-29-2016, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

It says Rome, but it was in the newspaper from Sayre, PA, which is Slang's home turf.

Has anybody seen or heard from Slang?

noviceathome · 03-02-2016, 08:55 AM

Or Dave?

footfootfoot · 03-02-2016, 11:59 AM

Dave? Dave's not here.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-04-2016, 06:03 PM

I had a friend's, cousin's, postman's, neighbor's, nephew, who took one marijuana and died.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-10-2016, 01:29 PM

On the other side of town, between the RR Depot and the docks...

BigV · 03-10-2016, 01:53 PM

he meant fucking him *again*, dude's already fucked.

Sundae · 03-11-2016, 06:15 AM

This may have been posted already:

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment:
'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...
The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female .....

Gravdigr · 03-11-2016, 03:35 PM

100 Quotes On The Most Interesting Man In The World

Quote:

10. He can speak Russian… in French.

21. He once won a staring contest with his own reflection.

64. His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice.

lumberjim · 03-11-2016, 08:19 PM

Him or Chuck Norris

xoxoxoBruce · 03-19-2016, 06:49 AM

I told you so, I warned you about bunnies, but would you listen... Noooooo.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-22-2016, 08:49 AM

Ah ha...

Gravdigr · 03-22-2016, 03:13 PM

Evel Cownievel...

Gravdigr · 03-31-2016, 04:40 PM

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?' The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died. "Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side." Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting...

xoxoxoBruce · 04-12-2016, 03:23 PM

On April 1st, and these are only the ones I've stumbled on, there's probably more.

glatt · 04-12-2016, 04:03 PM

I was taking a shower the morning of April 1st, and my son dumped a cup of cold water over my head while I was in there. Because, April Fools!

I should show him this.

03-02-2016, 08:55 AM	#5432
noviceathome Coronation Incarnate Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: perth, australia Posts: 87	Or Dave? __________________ " I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods you will understand why I dismiss yours "

03-02-2016, 11:59 AM	#5433
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Dave? Dave's not here. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

03-04-2016, 06:03 PM	#5434
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I had a friend's, cousin's, postman's, neighbor's, nephew, who took one marijuana and died. Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-10-2016, 01:29 PM	#5435
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	On the other side of town, between the RR Depot and the docks... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-10-2016, 01:53 PM	#5436
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	he meant fucking him again, dude's already fucked. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

03-11-2016, 06:15 AM	#5437
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	This may have been posted already: A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... The husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female ..... __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

03-11-2016, 08:19 PM	#5439
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Him or Chuck Norris __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

03-19-2016, 06:49 AM	#5440
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I told you so, I warned you about bunnies, but would you listen... Noooooo. Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-22-2016, 08:49 AM	#5441
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Ah ha... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-22-2016, 03:13 PM	#5442
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Evel Cownievel... __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-31-2016, 04:40 PM	#5443
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?' The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma." The next day the grandmother died. "Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side." Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting... __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-12-2016, 03:23 PM	#5444
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	On April 1st, and these are only the ones I've stumbled on, there's probably more. Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-12-2016, 04:03 PM	#5445
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I was taking a shower the morning of April 1st, and my son dumped a cup of cold water over my head while I was in there. Because, April Fools! I should show him this.

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