What's upsetting you today? - Page 389

classicman · 08-25-2010, 11:07 AM

MTP - Sounds like she and he are very immature.

morethanpretty · 08-25-2010, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry, Lookout - that truly sucks.

And MTP - was she *really* a friend???

I thought she was, we'd been friends for about 2yrs now. She's the only close female friend I'd had in awhile. Guess I'm back down to just my sis and SIL again.

Pico and ME · 08-25-2010, 03:10 PM

Well she certainly doesn't sound mature enough to be able to handle these current conflicts gracefully, but 20 year olds are still learning a lot about life. Send her a message that you are still there for her and give her some time to process it.

squirell nutkin · 08-25-2010, 06:19 PM

Well she certainly doesn't sound mature enough to be able to handle these current conflicts gracefully, but 20 year olds are still learning a lot about life. Send her a message that you are still there for her, but she owes you the 30% and give her some time (net 30) to pay it.

Jaydaan · 08-26-2010, 07:47 PM

MTP- Abuse messes with people's brains. I am sorry she dropped the class. Take it anyway. For you, its enrichment... for her... it will be someone who stuck to thier guns. I dis-agree with Squirel... do not expect any money.. if she is with him, he may well have control of her $$$$ as well as her emotions. If she is being abused... all I can say is stick to who you are, but do NOT coddle her. I was abused, I was an emotional basket case, and easily manipulated. Stick to who you are, this will help her decide if she is *ready* to be herself.. or if she needs to still be with him. Trying to defend him will only make her stay longer (or at least it did for me).

I am sorry you have to deal with this.. it sucks. I am sure it sucks for her too.. give her time. The fact that people chastised her, most likely made her sink as far into hiding as she could.

squirell nutkin · 08-26-2010, 08:59 PM

I disagree with Jaydaan's not getting my attempt at being facetious.

morethanpretty · 08-26-2010, 09:40 PM

I'm trying to take the high-road. Not so much to rub it in her face, but so that I don't disappoint myself. To me though, the close-friendship is over. If she changes her mind and wants to hang out again, I might do so. I don't think I'll be able to confide in her again. I'm feeling less angry about, moved onto numbness.

I had to drop the class, I wasn't all that excited about it anyway. Just sitting there knowing how she'd treated me about it made me too angry. I just couldn't handle it. She'll never know anyway.

Tulip · 08-26-2010, 10:55 PM

My nephew never went to pre-k and his parents never take him anywhere. Monday was his first day in school and he hasn't been happy since. Every morning he would say he doesn't like school and he doesn't want to go to school and would beg to stay home. I get him ready every morning because his mom goes to work at 5:30AM. When at home, if anyone say anything to him about school, he would become quiet and solemn. It shows clearly in his face. It's heart wrenching for me to see how unhappy he is. And today, I found out his mom told someone that he doesn't like school because he's used to being doted on and because no one pays attention to him at school. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT???!!!?? She doesn't know what's going on at school. She hasn't spoken to the teacher. I had asked her to email the teacher, and she won't do it. He's a happy child and for him not to be happy, there is something going on. How can a mother say such thing about her child??!!?? And yes, I know him very well because I've taken care of him since the day he came home from the hospital, and I took care of him from 5:30AM to 4:30PM until Monday when it was the first day of school. Now, I wake him up, get him ready for school, I pack his lunch, and take care of him after school until his mom picks him up at 4:30PM. Do I have the right I claim I know him well and be upset at him mom? HELL YES!!

Clodfobble · 08-26-2010, 11:20 PM

Sorry Tulip, that really sucks.

Any chance you can email the teacher yourself? If you are his after-school guardian, you have a right to communicate with her about his transition from school to after-school care. Whether Mom will be okay with it is a different story, but at least you can get a word in with the teacher...

Tulip · 08-26-2010, 11:52 PM

I AM going to email the teacher. I actually went with him and his parents on the first day and school, and I also spoke to his teacher. I'm hoping his teacher will remember me and be willing to communicate with me about him. I had asked my sister-in-law to email the teacher and tell her that they give me the permission to know about his education, but she won't do it. She said she doesn't think it'll be a problem and that I can just go ahead and email the teacher. She is so damn lazy! And my brother never liked school so it doesn't bother him when my nephew says he doesn't like school. WTF!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZenGum · 08-27-2010, 12:06 AM

I'm reading a US teacher training manual right now (long story) and I think the teacher cannot share info with you without very clear written permission from the parents. The teacher has to cover themself legally.

I suggest you contact the teacher and find out exactly what kind of permission is needed, so you can get it. Then you can talk.

Also, the teacher might be a bit defensive - sad child is a reflection of an unwelcoming classroom, which doesn't look good for the teacher. The teacher might try to direct attention on the child's home life. From what is written here, the teacher might have a point.

Clodfobble · 08-27-2010, 12:17 AM

Unless the teacher is overly paranoid, she's not going to get all legalistic on Tulip's ass unless Tulip let it slip that the mom didn't want Tulip communicating with the teacher (which apparently isn't the case anyway, the mom seems to be cool with it.) If she's already met the teacher in person, I suspect the teacher will remember her and be willing to talk to her as a guardian.

Whether the teacher gets defensive depends entirely on how the problem is presented. As long as it's described as the boy "having trouble adjusting" and not "my nephew hates your class, you must be a sucky teacher," I expect the teacher will be thrilled to help in any way she can. All the teachers in my family complain most about the parents who never communicate, not the ones who are overly involved.

Pico and ME · 08-27-2010, 12:18 AM

Its possible he might need a little bit of special attention from the teacher in order to feel more comfortable in the class. The teacher may very well be amendable to that. Its worth a try.

Nirvana · 08-27-2010, 12:22 AM

The smarter the dog the less likely they will be disturbed by crate training. They see it as their sanctuary like a teenager has their " own room". What is cruel are the dogs people throw away because they cannot get them housebroken and they think that crate training is cruel.
Most of my dogs do not have doors on their crate unless I am leaving for hours. They will go outside, come in and choose to be in their "room".

Crates are necessary for intact dogs or you will be over run with puppies. To make this pertinent to the thread, Victor's mother is in heat and I am in hell. Counting the days til she can be spayed!

Juniper · 08-27-2010, 01:17 AM

My daughter is on a competition all-star cheer squad. It's pretty expensive--will end up costing us about $2K over the season for various fees, uniform, etc. not to mention travel to competitions.

Now, I don't really mind if she enjoys it. I like the little weekend trips, and it's a great way for her to stay physically fit.

Trouble is, she hurt her knee a couple weeks ago and decided, also because she's way freaked out about 9th grade and having enough time for school plus JROTC and clubs and etc. she wanted to quit.

I told her she could quit. No problemo.

Then the team mom informed me that I'd signed a contract (actually hubby signed it) saying I'd pay the full amount even if she quit.

Yikes! I'd end up owing about $1100 for NOTHING.

So I made her stay. Tried to encourage her, saying how she made a commitment, it'd be good in the long run, but now it's all led to a really sour feeling. Everyone knows she was planning to quit. See how that is?

And that's what upsets me today.

08-25-2010, 11:07 AM	#5821
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	MTP - Sounds like she and he are very immature. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

08-25-2010, 06:19 PM	#5824
squirell nutkin has a second hand user title Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: in a Nut House Posts: 2,017	Well she certainly doesn't sound mature enough to be able to handle these current conflicts gracefully, but 20 year olds are still learning a lot about life. Send her a message that you are still there for her, but she owes you the 30% and give her some time (net 30) to pay it. __________________ And now I'm finished posting.

08-26-2010, 08:59 PM	#5826
squirell nutkin has a second hand user title Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: in a Nut House Posts: 2,017	I disagree with Jaydaan's not getting my attempt at being facetious. __________________ And now I'm finished posting.

08-26-2010, 09:40 PM	#5827
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	I'm trying to take the high-road. Not so much to rub it in her face, but so that I don't disappoint myself. To me though, the close-friendship is over. If she changes her mind and wants to hang out again, I might do so. I don't think I'll be able to confide in her again. I'm feeling less angry about, moved onto numbness. I had to drop the class, I wasn't all that excited about it anyway. Just sitting there knowing how she'd treated me about it made me too angry. I just couldn't handle it. She'll never know anyway. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

08-26-2010, 11:20 PM	#5829
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Sorry Tulip, that really sucks. Any chance you can email the teacher yourself? If you are his after-school guardian, you have a right to communicate with her about his transition from school to after-school care. Whether Mom will be okay with it is a different story, but at least you can get a word in with the teacher... __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-25-2010, 03:10 PM	#5823
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	Well she certainly doesn't sound mature enough to be able to handle these current conflicts gracefully, but 20 year olds are still learning a lot about life. Send her a message that you are still there for her and give her some time to process it.

08-26-2010, 07:47 PM	#5825
Jaydaan Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Vernon, BC, Canada Posts: 378	MTP- Abuse messes with people's brains. I am sorry she dropped the class. Take it anyway. For you, its enrichment... for her... it will be someone who stuck to thier guns. I dis-agree with Squirel... do not expect any money.. if she is with him, he may well have control of her $$$$ as well as her emotions. If she is being abused... all I can say is stick to who you are, but do NOT coddle her. I was abused, I was an emotional basket case, and easily manipulated. Stick to who you are, this will help her decide if she is ready to be herself.. or if she needs to still be with him. Trying to defend him will only make her stay longer (or at least it did for me). I am sorry you have to deal with this.. it sucks. I am sure it sucks for her too.. give her time. The fact that people chastised her, most likely made her sink as far into hiding as she could.

08-26-2010, 10:55 PM	#5828
Tulip Professor Join Date: May 2008 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 1,293	My nephew never went to pre-k and his parents never take him anywhere. Monday was his first day in school and he hasn't been happy since. Every morning he would say he doesn't like school and he doesn't want to go to school and would beg to stay home. I get him ready every morning because his mom goes to work at 5:30AM. When at home, if anyone say anything to him about school, he would become quiet and solemn. It shows clearly in his face. It's heart wrenching for me to see how unhappy he is. And today, I found out his mom told someone that he doesn't like school because he's used to being doted on and because no one pays attention to him at school. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT???!!!?? She doesn't know what's going on at school. She hasn't spoken to the teacher. I had asked her to email the teacher, and she won't do it. He's a happy child and for him not to be happy, there is something going on. How can a mother say such thing about her child??!!?? And yes, I know him very well because I've taken care of him since the day he came home from the hospital, and I took care of him from 5:30AM to 4:30PM until Monday when it was the first day of school. Now, I wake him up, get him ready for school, I pack his lunch, and take care of him after school until his mom picks him up at 4:30PM. Do I have the right I claim I know him well and be upset at him mom? HELL YES!!

08-26-2010, 11:52 PM	#5830
Tulip Professor Join Date: May 2008 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 1,293	I AM going to email the teacher. I actually went with him and his parents on the first day and school, and I also spoke to his teacher. I'm hoping his teacher will remember me and be willing to communicate with me about him. I had asked my sister-in-law to email the teacher and tell her that they give me the permission to know about his education, but she won't do it. She said she doesn't think it'll be a problem and that I can just go ahead and email the teacher. She is so damn lazy! And my brother never liked school so it doesn't bother him when my nephew says he doesn't like school. WTF!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

08-27-2010, 12:06 AM	#5831
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	I'm reading a US teacher training manual right now (long story) and I think the teacher cannot share info with you without very clear written permission from the parents. The teacher has to cover themself legally. I suggest you contact the teacher and find out exactly what kind of permission is needed, so you can get it. Then you can talk. Also, the teacher might be a bit defensive - sad child is a reflection of an unwelcoming classroom, which doesn't look good for the teacher. The teacher might try to direct attention on the child's home life. From what is written here, the teacher might have a point. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

08-27-2010, 12:17 AM	#5832
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Unless the teacher is overly paranoid, she's not going to get all legalistic on Tulip's ass unless Tulip let it slip that the mom didn't want Tulip communicating with the teacher (which apparently isn't the case anyway, the mom seems to be cool with it.) If she's already met the teacher in person, I suspect the teacher will remember her and be willing to talk to her as a guardian. Whether the teacher gets defensive depends entirely on how the problem is presented. As long as it's described as the boy "having trouble adjusting" and not "my nephew hates your class, you must be a sucky teacher," I expect the teacher will be thrilled to help in any way she can. All the teachers in my family complain most about the parents who never communicate, not the ones who are overly involved. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-27-2010, 12:18 AM	#5833
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	Its possible he might need a little bit of special attention from the teacher in order to feel more comfortable in the class. The teacher may very well be amendable to that. Its worth a try.

08-27-2010, 12:22 AM	#5834
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	The smarter the dog the less likely they will be disturbed by crate training. They see it as their sanctuary like a teenager has their " own room". What is cruel are the dogs people throw away because they cannot get them housebroken and they think that crate training is cruel. Most of my dogs do not have doors on their crate unless I am leaving for hours. They will go outside, come in and choose to be in their "room". Crates are necessary for intact dogs or you will be over run with puppies. To make this pertinent to the thread, Victor's mother is in heat and I am in hell. Counting the days til she can be spayed! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

08-27-2010, 01:17 AM	#5835
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	My daughter is on a competition all-star cheer squad. It's pretty expensive--will end up costing us about $2K over the season for various fees, uniform, etc. not to mention travel to competitions. Now, I don't really mind if she enjoys it. I like the little weekend trips, and it's a great way for her to stay physically fit. Trouble is, she hurt her knee a couple weeks ago and decided, also because she's way freaked out about 9th grade and having enough time for school plus JROTC and clubs and etc. she wanted to quit. I told her she could quit. No problemo. Then the team mom informed me that I'd signed a contract (actually hubby signed it) saying I'd pay the full amount even if she quit. Yikes! I'd end up owing about $1100 for NOTHING. So I made her stay. Tried to encourage her, saying how she made a commitment, it'd be good in the long run, but now it's all led to a really sour feeling. Everyone knows she was planning to quit. See how that is? And that's what upsets me today.

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