Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 394

Clodfobble · 01-11-2020, 04:29 PM

That happened at the house across the street from ours, about 15-ish years ago. Dude was having a mental health crisis and threatening suicide (which apparently was common for him), wife was out and called the cops to check on him. A beat officer knocked on the door and a single shot was fired.

12 hours, 1 SWAT team, and an evacuated street later, they finally stormed the house to find that the one shot had been the guy committing suicide. He hadn't even known it was a cop at the door.

BigV · 01-16-2020, 02:13 PM

A young American man moves to the Shetland Isles. Unbeknownst to him, the Shetland peoples are quite reserved, and no-one visits him for three months.

One stormy night, there's a loud knock at the door. He opens the door to the sight of a huge, fiery-haired man with a thick beard. With an accent equally as thick, the visitor says, "I've come to invite ye to a party."

"Wonderful," says the American, "I'd love to go!"

"I must warn ye, lad. The drinks will be flowin' aplenty."

"That's no problem, I've been known to enjoy a strong scotch now and again," replies the American.

"They'll likely be a fight too," says the bearded man. "Where there's drinkin' and dancin' there's always a fight."

"I'm not worried, I was middleweight champion in boxing back in the navy. I'm sure I can hold my own."

"Alright, lad. But one last thing. There's likely to be sex involved too. Hairy-arsed, drunken sex."

The American smirks. "Well, after being alone for so many months, that's not out of the question either. One question though: what should I wear?"

The big man chuckles and replies, "Ah, come as you are, it's just gonna be you and me."

Gravdigr · 01-16-2020, 02:41 PM

Apologies if this is a repeat:

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xoxoxoBruce · 01-23-2020, 01:07 AM

I remember some of these statement. Hell, I probably made some of them.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-19-2020, 12:22 AM

At least it's red...

xoxoxoBruce · 02-21-2020, 12:24 AM

Fake news...

Gravdigr · 02-21-2020, 08:03 AM

So long EMeekins98, we hardly knew ye...

Carruthers · 02-21-2020, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

So long EMeekins98, we hardly knew ye...

That's such a shame. Just when I was developing an interest in Polish electrical vehicles as well.

Griff · 02-21-2020, 11:21 AM

His life was short and beautiful.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-21-2020, 12:31 PM

For polish electrical vehicles life is short, fire, ash.

Gravdigr · 02-24-2020, 11:25 AM

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BigV · 02-24-2020, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Attachment 69894

Spoiler:

they're legumes

Urbane Guerrilla · 02-28-2020, 12:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Fake news...

Hey, I want the coffee-cup version.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-06-2020, 09:34 PM

In Europe you can have a whirlwind courtship in a long day...

Griff · 03-11-2020, 02:47 PM

Why drive to Germany when you're already in Austria?

01-11-2020, 04:29 PM	#5896
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	That happened at the house across the street from ours, about 15-ish years ago. Dude was having a mental health crisis and threatening suicide (which apparently was common for him), wife was out and called the cops to check on him. A beat officer knocked on the door and a single shot was fired. 12 hours, 1 SWAT team, and an evacuated street later, they finally stormed the house to find that the one shot had been the guy committing suicide. He hadn't even known it was a cop at the door. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

01-16-2020, 02:13 PM	#5897
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	A young American man moves to the Shetland Isles. Unbeknownst to him, the Shetland peoples are quite reserved, and no-one visits him for three months. One stormy night, there's a loud knock at the door. He opens the door to the sight of a huge, fiery-haired man with a thick beard. With an accent equally as thick, the visitor says, "I've come to invite ye to a party." "Wonderful," says the American, "I'd love to go!" "I must warn ye, lad. The drinks will be flowin' aplenty." "That's no problem, I've been known to enjoy a strong scotch now and again," replies the American. "They'll likely be a fight too," says the bearded man. "Where there's drinkin' and dancin' there's always a fight." "I'm not worried, I was middleweight champion in boxing back in the navy. I'm sure I can hold my own." "Alright, lad. But one last thing. There's likely to be sex involved too. Hairy-arsed, drunken sex." The American smirks. "Well, after being alone for so many months, that's not out of the question either. One question though: what should I wear?" The big man chuckles and replies, "Ah, come as you are, it's just gonna be you and me." __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

01-16-2020, 02:41 PM	#5898
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Apologies if this is a repeat: __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-23-2020, 01:07 AM	#5899
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I remember some of these statement. Hell, I probably made some of them. Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-19-2020, 12:22 AM	#5900
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	At least it's red... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-21-2020, 12:24 AM	#5901
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Fake news... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-21-2020, 08:03 AM	#5902
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	So long EMeekins98, we hardly knew ye... __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

02-21-2020, 11:21 AM	#5904
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	His life was short and beautiful. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

02-21-2020, 12:31 PM	#5905
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	For polish electrical vehicles life is short, fire, ash. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-24-2020, 11:25 AM	#5906
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-06-2020, 09:34 PM	#5909
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	In Europe you can have a whirlwind courtship in a long day... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-11-2020, 02:47 PM	#5910
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Why drive to Germany when you're already in Austria? __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

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