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Old 01-11-2020, 05:29 PM   #5896
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
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That happened at the house across the street from ours, about 15-ish years ago. Dude was having a mental health crisis and threatening suicide (which apparently was common for him), wife was out and called the cops to check on him. A beat officer knocked on the door and a single shot was fired.

12 hours, 1 SWAT team, and an evacuated street later, they finally stormed the house to find that the one shot had been the guy committing suicide. He hadn't even known it was a cop at the door.
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Old 01-16-2020, 03:13 PM   #5897
BigV
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A young American man moves to the Shetland Isles. Unbeknownst to him, the Shetland peoples are quite reserved, and no-one visits him for three months.

One stormy night, there's a loud knock at the door. He opens the door to the sight of a huge, fiery-haired man with a thick beard. With an accent equally as thick, the visitor says, "I've come to invite ye to a party."

"Wonderful," says the American, "I'd love to go!"

"I must warn ye, lad. The drinks will be flowin' aplenty."

"That's no problem, I've been known to enjoy a strong scotch now and again," replies the American.

"They'll likely be a fight too," says the bearded man. "Where there's drinkin' and dancin' there's always a fight."

"I'm not worried, I was middleweight champion in boxing back in the navy. I'm sure I can hold my own."

"Alright, lad. But one last thing. There's likely to be sex involved too. Hairy-arsed, drunken sex."

The American smirks. "Well, after being alone for so many months, that's not out of the question either. One question though: what should I wear?"

The big man chuckles and replies, "Ah, come as you are, it's just gonna be you and me."
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Old 01-16-2020, 03:41 PM   #5898
Gravdigr
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Apologies if this is a repeat:

Name:  u2gps.JPG
Views: 1143
Size:  61.0 KB
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
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Old 01-23-2020, 02:07 AM   #5899
xoxoxoBruce
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I remember some of these statement. Hell, I probably made some of them.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
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Old 02-19-2020, 01:22 AM   #5900
xoxoxoBruce
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At least it's red...
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Old 02-21-2020, 01:24 AM   #5901
xoxoxoBruce
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Fake news...
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Old 02-21-2020, 09:03 AM   #5902
Gravdigr
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So long EMeekins98, we hardly knew ye...
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Old 02-21-2020, 09:54 AM   #5903
Carruthers
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So long EMeekins98, we hardly knew ye...
That's such a shame. Just when I was developing an interest in Polish electrical vehicles as well.
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Old 02-21-2020, 12:21 PM   #5904
Griff
still says videotape
 
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His life was short and beautiful.
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Old 02-21-2020, 01:31 PM   #5905
xoxoxoBruce
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For polish electrical vehicles life is short, fire, ash.
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Old 02-24-2020, 12:25 PM   #5906
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Name:  gtfo.JPG
Views: 1314
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Old 02-24-2020, 03:43 PM   #5907
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Quote:
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Spoiler:

they're legumes
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Old 02-28-2020, 01:53 AM   #5908
Urbane Guerrilla
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Fake news...
Hey, I want the coffee-cup version.
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Old 03-06-2020, 10:34 PM   #5909
xoxoxoBruce
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In Europe you can have a whirlwind courtship in a long day...
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Old 03-11-2020, 03:47 PM   #5910
Griff
still says videotape
 
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Why drive to Germany when you're already in Austria?
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