What's upsetting you today?

[DanaC]

Because it's easier and less onerous than dealing with their own?

[infinite monkey]

I think so. Friend thinks there is something wrong with living alone (I should be married like her, only her sixth) and had,, earlier that night, told me I could lie about my income and get free phones. I wouldn't do that, I said. Their tv was on, stolen cable. They owe me 2 grand for his teeth. So I am somehow priveleged. (That isn't spelled right, is it?) Anyway, it was a real slap in the face. I told her 'hey, I love you but I'm not going to listen to this right now' and I left. I'm wondering now if I ever will listen again.

[DanaC]

Ffs. People should just butt the fuck out.

I don't get how she got to you being elitist...or was that because you're so wealthy you can turn your nose up at free/stolen/defrauded stuff?

[Sundae]

Darling, I have been accused of being posh and brainy pretty much since I left school.
Having been out in the wider world I have been in situations where I've felt common as muck and thick as pigshit compared to the people I am talking to.

Inside my head I do judge other people (colleague who bought her 14 yo daughter cigarettes because "She'd pinch mine otherwise")
But I've never been rude enough to bring it up in conversation. And on many, many occasions I've understood that other people have great family values, morals, relationships. Just because they weren't the ones I was brought up with, doesn't make them wrong.

People who make snap judgements and tell you about them have no class.
And by class I don't mean knowing what knife to use - anyone can learn that. I mean good manners and common sense.

[infinite monkey]

I cheated at life by having non-college degreed parents who said there children absolutely would go to college. And by starting out at min wage at my former job at the college and working my way up, I guess. She never said 'elitist' but privileged did come up. I really don't put on airs, ffs, I can barely stand myself!

That's why it is bothering so me so much I suppose.

[infinite monkey]

Sundae: I hear ya. Soetimes at work I feel like a country bumpkin. When I hang out with them I just feel like me...never knew there was resentment.

[DanaC]

Oh hell yeah. Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.

I am generally either hyper conscious of my 'rough edges' or flailing around trying not to sound like some bookish posh bird depending who I am with. Purely because of how people have responded to me at various times.

I've had the piss taken out of me for being a bit rough and northern, and I've had the piss taken out of me (and resentments shown) for being 'posh' 'stuck-up' and 'thinks she's so clever' etc. I've felt like a lump of grit in a tray of diamonds, and I've felt like an out of touch middle class tourist. Sometimes in the same day.

Swings and roundabouts

[eta] Can see how it'd be a downer to get that from a friend though. And to suddenly find out there's resentment there for nothing you've actually done, but their warped view of who you are.

[zippyt]

Can see how it'd be a downer to get that from a friend though. And to suddenly find out there's resentment there for nothing you've actually done, but their warped view of who you are.

That sounds like Their problem to me ,
Joke em if they cant take a fuck !!!

[classicman]

I'm with zip - fuggem'
Dunno the whole back-story, but sounds like you need fewer "friends' like that.


ETA - get yer $$$$ back first

[DanaC]

*coughs* fewer *coughs*




:p

[classicman]

:p

[Aliantha]

Yeah, I'm with the blokes here.

If a so called friend said those sorts of things to me they'd be off my Christmas card list faster than Griff (although he's back on now, so we'll see how that goes hehe), but seriously, you just wouldn't say that to a friend imo, even if you did think it sometimes, and if you did think it, then maybe you don't know your friend well enough to be calling them friend in the first place. What I mean is that if you think badly of your friends about things like that, then maybe they shouldn't be considered a friend. Rather, just an acquaintance.

Additionally, what does it matter if someone is more or less educated anyway? Or has more or less money or debt? Those aren't the bits that make up a person other than to show their ability to manage their finances, which really shouldn't be much of an issue to a friendship.

Dump their arses if they want to be so petty. That's what I think.

[monster]

Infi -fwiw- remember the "friend" I told you about -the one who didn't want me to get Hebe the tech suit and generally poo-poos anything about my life that is different from hers (better or worse) -the one I didn't tell about training to be a lifeguard because I knew she'd be arsey about it and I was already nervous enough? Same deal, I reckon. It's just their way of dealing with envy and their own self esteem issues.

Something the swim coach said the other day when we were all Polo Moms together in the coffee shop between tournament games (she heard it on NPR or something)....... friendship becomes so much easier when you realize that not all friendships are forever. Some are for life, some for a generation and some for just a season. It's OK to drift away, even after years, and better to do that and accept it than fake it until you can't stand each other any more/come to blows. Maybe it's time to let them and the $2K go -you know you are never going to see that again.

[ZenGum]

Yeah.. #$%& 'em.



If everyone you know is much the same as you, you lead a sadly narrow life.

Considered amongst the academic and teaching professionals I am friends with, I'm a half-arsed slacker with average talent, but pretty good at getting practical things done.

Then I go to a hippie festival and I look like some conservative sellout abstract intellectual who can't even refuel a generator or colour co-ordinate his chakras.

It's good to mix with a wide variety of people. If someone cannot accept that you are different from them, they have a problem, not you.
#$%& em.

[Undertoad]

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

They owe me 2 grand for his teeth.

Make no mistake, this is where it's coming from. People are strangely resentful to those they owe money to. There's no good reason for it, and I think people are even generally unaware they're doing it. I guess it's because, underneath, the loan is subtly reminding them they are losers.