What's upsetting you today?

[orthodoc]

I'm so sorry, Rich. Please accept my condolences. This is so much to bear in such a short time.

[Nirvana]

Oh my goodness Rich! Condolences..

[Aliantha]

Rich, that has to be the crappiest thing to bear. I am so sorry for your compounded grief. xxx

[Big Sarge]

Originally Posted by richlevy

My father passed away tonight. Even though he was 94, it came suddenly. My sister called me from the hospital, but by the time I got there it was too late. I saw him last weekend, but didn't really expect it to be for the last time.

I'm sorry for your loss, but you need to celebrate his life and realize that he has gone to Gan Eden where he will feast on milk and dates.

[Griff]

That is a rough development. I'm sorry again.

[Trilby]

Sometimes we ask ourselves how much more we can bear. I'm so sorry for your double loss, rich. I truly don't know what to say. Death seems so final to us here on earth----but I try, as much as possible, to console myself with the pain that has ceased for them and the belief, as much as I make fun of it, that they are, truly, with their loved ones in spirit (and also certainly they make visits to us in spirit in the form of inspiration, etc)

I'm so very sorry. What a roller coaster you've been on.

[Chocolatl]

So sorry, rich! Wishing peace for you and your family.

[limey]

Adding my condolences to those here, Rich.

Sent by thought transference

[orthodoc]

I just found out via Facebook that my daughter is engaged to the loser bf who convinced her to leave school, and who operates a 'ghostbusters' business when not defrauding social security (gets benefits for a shoulder injury but teaches martial arts and is a wannabe cage fighter). I called, and she confirmed that she got engaged to him about a month ago. They want to get married in July of next year.

I don't know how to comprehend the changes in her. A year ago she was determined that nothing and no one would stop her from pursuing her chosen career, that she would go anywhere in the country for her job, that NOTHING would take precedence over her career. This puts the final nail in the coffin of her dreams. She'll work nights cleaning (she starts that job tomorrow, as the first job selling air filters turned out to be too good to be true) and messing around at a local stable trading chores for the odd lesson. He'll work part-time here and there, indulge his 'PTSD' from some former injury, and let her support them.

I'm numb.

[Chocolatl]

I don't even know what to say, ortho. I'm sorry. A month -- when was she planning to tell you?

[orthodoc]

She said she was going to tell her father and me 'when she visits' - although there is no date set for a visit. I know. A month. You'd think she could have called ... I always figured at least that. My ex actually asked my parents' blessing before we became officially engaged. So much for that idea.

Her father and I haven't even met this guy, she's only been dating him a few months. Maybe we were going to find out when the invitation came in the mail.

And just now, she's put up a formal announcement on Facebook but hasn't told her father yet. Someone at the hospital is going to end up congratulating him and he won't even know. She's linked to so many people in that small town, someone will pick it up. He's working tonight ... what a way to find out that your daughter is engaged.

eta - Damn fb to hell, anyway. I just realized my mother and sisters will be calling me, all excited. My mother JUST got a fb account. This will be front and center on all their news feeds next time they log on ... I haven't even processed it yet, I can't cope with family questions. I feel sick.

[BigV]

Fwd questions to the daughter. Less is more. It's her deal, let her own it.

Congrats, btw.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

I'm numb.

You've every right to be numb, and disappointed, and angry, everything but guilty. You gave her everything she needed to achieve most any goal she wanted.

Now she's made her choice. You don't approve because you know she's headed for a world of hurt, in ways she doesn't understand yet. Wait'll she hits you with, 'Why can't you just be happy for me'.

She certainly knows you wouldn't like her plans, that's why she kept it a secret all these months. Even when the dropping out of school was out of the bag, she avoided visiting because she was still hiding the marriage plans.

But realistically there's nothing you can do about it. Trying to tell her she's doing the wrong thing, taking the wrong path, will just lead to resentment, although you have every right, and maybe responsibility, to tell her you're disappointed in her choices.

You don't need this extra stress either. Don't let this drag you into a funk. like I said, it's not your fault.

[Big Sarge]

head up, shoulders back. she has made her choices and will have to live the consequences. it was very inconsiderate of her to not tell you right away but maybe she thought she was saving you from some stress.

fyi - my ex and i met in college and dropped out our senior year because we had to be married. we were consumed with that burning passion and couldn't stand being away from each other. sigh. anyway, we both managed to complete school down the road. she has her post master's certification and has been president of the state board in her field. we were married 25 years before i messed things up by rejoining the military to deploy again. desert storm had been very tough on her and she felt i was abandoning the family to go play army again. she was right & i realize i was wrong. now she is helping me get through my mini-crisis.

i'm merely saying all is not lost. simply give her love and try to stand behind her. the best thing you can do now is take a deep breath and pray.

[orthodoc]

Yes, head up shoulders back. Take care of today's business today. I love her but now I know to just expect lies and more lies.

When he beats her - and he will, and blame it on his 'PTSD' and 'nerves', I will help her. But for now I've been relegated to the status of after-the-fact onlooker.