What's upsetting you today?

[Big Sarge]

ptsd is not a valid defense in domestic violence. in the state where i live, if an officers sees evidence of an assault or has a statement within 24 hours of the event, he must make an arrest without a warrant.

not all with ptsd are violent, some present with hyper vigilance and ocd behavior

[morethanpretty]

I'm not gonna have the money to pay my rent.

[Big Sarge]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

I'm not gonna have the money to pay my rent.

will they let you make a late payment?

[Trilby]

First; Orthodoc. Wow. what a punch in the neck from the outfield. You can do NOTHING to stop this, any attempt will glue her even more to him. I know you know this but sometimes, when in crisis, we forget the things we can and cannot control. if you really want to fuck this guy up video tape him doing his martial arts/cage fights (wha..?) and send them to Social Security. they'd LOVE to drop the frauds, especially now. Without that check your daughter might come 'round; or hate you forever. I don't know. My younger sister married a schizo-type, conspiracy theorist who can't get along with anyone long enough to hold a job (they're all after him) so he delivers newspapers which is a job he can do alone and at night. She's been married to him for like, 22 years now. They understand one another though no one else on earth does.

@Moar----parents give you a loan? a pal? anyone? It takes a LOT to evict someone---maybe the landlord will give you a break?
My dad's been a landlord since 1964----it's a PITA to evict someone; footwork, paperwork, maybe involve lawyers....see if he'll work with you.

[orthodoc]

I'd love to report this guy to Social Security but don't know if it can be done anonymously. If not, she'll hate me forever. Her father and I are already being set up as the evil parents who disapprove of everything.

[Trilby]

you most certainly can do it anonymously.

call your local office.

[orthodoc]

Thanks. His FB page alone has enough to hang him out to dry. Thanks.

[Big Sarge]

you can report anonymously. they used to have a fraud hot line.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

Thanks. His FB page alone has enough to hang him out to dry. Thanks.

OMG! He's got the balls to have a FB page showcasing his prowess whilst cashing checks? Oh, honey, if it weren't so stupid it would be funny. Really?

REALLY? I worked for a company that regularly employed PI's (detectives) to prove their claims were false. ss really frowns on that shit.

[orthodoc]

Really. Unbelievably stupid, I know. Arrogant asshole. People get away with this stuff because there are so many of them, ss can't keep up.

[infinite monkey]

They taped some dude collecting disability checks for his broken too hard to work back issues. He was doing snatches.

He was all over the papers. So he got busted for his disability and shamed for the rest of society.

I laughed and I laughed.

No reason to not turn him in. You're not helping your daughter or anyone.

For example, those of us who pay taxes? We no likey fraud fuckin' pieces of shit.

What his name?

[Big Sarge]

Send his info to one of us. We can drop the dime on him.

[Aliantha]

Ortho...it seems like your daughter is going through a bit of a change in her thinking. You're probably right to it down to the influence of this fellow she's with. Sounds remarkably like my behaviour as a late teen/early 20 something.

To be honest, I know now that I was reacting to my over protective parents. In the way that until I was finished high school, I wasn't allowed to do anything, and i mean ANYTHING. No parties, no going anywhere with friends except occasionally to the shops in town. No learning how to be sensible about taking care of myself. All of a sudden, I finished school and my father said, "Ok, you're in charge now, so off you go. Just let us know if you're going to be home late."

Boy did I fuck my life up. In a big way.

Anyway, I guess things have turned out ok in the end, but holy hell it's been a hard road, and still is to some extent because I have to now explain my own stupid choices to my own teenage kids and try to explain how differently I've done things.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that she's where she is for reasons she probably doesn't even understand yet. She'll get there in the end thanks to the ground work you and your husband have put in. I know it's impossible not to, but don't blame yourself too much. Just remember that you were doing the best you could and every decision you ever made for her was meant to help her. I've no doubt she'll get her shit together sooner or later, but it will probably have to hit rock bottom with this bloke before she does. Just try and be prepared for the rocky road you know is coming. xxx

[Aliantha]

mtp, did you work something out about your rent yet?

[orthodoc]

Thanks, guys - I appreciate the offer to drop the dime on this guy, but I'm leery of having it happen too close to the time my daughter told me this ... she'll never believe it wasn't me (and it would be, indirectly). But don't worry, I will follow through on it. Just not tonight.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I appreciate your perspective, Ali. I know exactly what you mean - I was not permitted to do anything, not date, nothing, in high school - and then made some major mistakes mostly through utter naiveté once I went to university. Ouch. But my dd had a bf in high school, she dated, had friends she went out with, went to the prom, did marching band (with trips and band camp) ... and had a year at university about 90 minutes from our town before heading across the country to 'follow her dream'. I'm just so confused. It has to be the influence of this guy. He's a classic too-intense-too-soon isolating control freak. He's good - she thinks all this stuff is her own idea. I guess - as long as he doesn't actually kill her - she will have to hit rock bottom. The problem is children. I see her getting pregnant (I fully expect that she already is, and this is just one more 'little' thing she's not mentioning) and then, even if she manages to leave him, she'll never be rid of him once children are involved. And this will put the lid on her career aspirations. But maybe there never were any.

I worked so hard to go to university and follow my dream. My parents weren't at all supportive, in theory or financially. I became obsessive about taking care of details because one mistake would land me on the street. I didn't think I'd coddled my kids; but every young person is different. Two of my sons are hard workers, organizers, planners, meticulous and goal-oriented. My second son, and my daughter, don't operate that way. They all grew up in the same household. I guess nature trumps nurture in the end.

I'm still numb. I fell off my diet and bought wine and tiramisu. Probably skip the tiramisu and drink the wine.

It wouldn't be so hard, but she's my only daughter and we've been so close - I thought we were so close - all these years. Rode horses together, spent so much time together, I thought I knew her. So to not be worth a phone call feels bad. Time to open the wine.