What's upsetting you today?

[Clodfobble]

I'm sorry, UT.

[Clodfobble]

An acquaintance's husband committed suicide a couple days ago.

They have kids aged 10 and 7, both with autism. She's been a stay-at-home mom since the older one (who is low-functioning) got diagnosed as a toddler. She manages a small amount of income from some rental properties, but is otherwise up shit creek.

But never mind all that. I get it. Depression lies, the suicidal person may genuinely believe that his loved ones would be better off without him, or that there simply is no other choice. Okay, fine. But I'm pissed because he did it in the house where his fucking kids could find him, and that is bullshit. Your depression may tell you that your family is better off without you, but if it tells you that your children with severe anxiety issues ought to stumble upon your mutilated body, you've got some other shit going on.

Drive off a cliff. Threaten a cop and get him to shoot you. Rent a goddamn hotel room. Or at least do it with pills so they're only partially horribly scarred for life. Jesus Christ.

[xoxoxoBruce]

That's really, really fucked up. I'd guess he was mad at the kids for ruining his life, but who knows.
The only thing for sure is, he is was a fucking dick.

[glatt]

Wow. That really is fucked up.

[limey]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

... I'd guess he was mad at the kids for ruining his life, but who knows ...

This. IMHO there is often a message in the choice of date, method, place etc.


Sent by thought transference

[DanaC]

I read something ages ago, can't recall where, about people who commit suicide in such a way that their family find them. One of the things that came up is the idea of feeling invisible or disregarded. It may be that he felt 'ignored' by his wife given that so much of her attention would have been on the little ones. His choice of location and method may have partly been a way to force himself back to her attention, and possibly punish her for 'abandoning' him.

Doubt it would have been as clear as that though. But it may have been an element.

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by DanaC

I read something ages ago, can't recall where, about people who commit suicide in such a way that their family find them. One of the things that came up is the idea of feeling invisible or disregarded.

That figured in in the thoughts I was having when I was having those kinds of thoughts.

;

[Griff]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

An acquaintance's husband committed suicide a couple days ago.

They have kids aged 10 and 7, both with autism. She's been a stay-at-home mom since the older one (who is low-functioning) got diagnosed as a toddler. She manages a small amount of income from some rental properties, but is otherwise up shit creek.

But never mind all that. I get it. Depression lies, the suicidal person may genuinely believe that his loved ones would be better off without him, or that there simply is no other choice. Okay, fine. But I'm pissed because he did it in the house where his fucking kids could find him, and that is bullshit. Your depression may tell you that your family is better off without you, but if it tells you that your children with severe anxiety issues ought to stumble upon your mutilated body, you've got some other shit going on.

Drive off a cliff. Threaten a cop and get him to shoot you. Rent a goddamn hotel room. Or at least do it with pills so they're only partially horribly scarred for life. Jesus Christ.

That is brutal. I have a mom deep in the well of depression right now and it is totally blowing up the family and obviously the kid.

[classicman]

Damn ...so sorry.

[Sundae]

As usual it all kinda come at once.

I had a really awful email from my Mum over the weekend. I would love to quote it here, but that is very unfair. Suffice to say it was a complaint against my father going back for years. She wanted to make it clear to me that she had had issues with him and his selfishness for long before he had Alzheimers.

Again, I know why.
I know why she directed this to me, I know why she's hurting so badly she can't keep it to herself, and although she doesn't know I know, I do know why she "started hating him" when she was in her 50s.

I also know that she has not hated him continuously all that time. And that they still love eachother. And that for many reasons she can never leave him now - part of the problem.
But reading those words really hurt. I held off replying until it stopped being about me, and made my response all about her. It's not that much of a stretch. I do love her after all. I just forget sometimes we don't get on all that well, and that my relationship with my father was always a flashpoint. The sad thing is, it still is, but neither of us can connect very well with him any more.

And then Otis is sick.
I knew something was up when he came back from the petshop (where he was boarding while I was down at Mum's) and the lady who handed him over said he was lazy/ idle/ something along those lines. No - he's fun, frisky, lively.
So when I heard him wheezing, when he didn't come for mealworms when I opened the cage door, when I went in and grabbed him up and held him under my chin for warmth (for his comfort, not mine) and he didn't try to climb on my head, I knew there was a problem.

Respiratory infection.
Two injections already. Needs to be in vets overnight.
Needs to be seen next week.
Needs to be kept in isolation when he comes home.
I've already gone out to buy a new set of bedding/ housing/ food bowls/ water bottle (for the little cage I keep them in while cleaning the McRat Mansion). He's not infectious, just that his antibiotics will be water soluble, so he can't be with Duncan. And I think that's probably what's upset me the most. They will both be so miserable without eachother.

But hey. I'm probably projecting because Mum goes back in to hospital on Thurs for a check-up.
And Diz died when I let someone else take care of him - pretty much this time last year.

And I have a bad haircut.

[orthodoc]

Ah geez. It does all come at once. Sorry, Sundae. You're taking care of everything and everyone so beautifully, but you need others too. For what it's worth, sending warmest thoughts and support. Hang in there.

[BigV]

Watching my kids suffer upsets me.

[Lamplighter]

Originally Posted by BigV

Watching my kids suffer upsets me.

Indeed, I know the feeling.
... especially as my G-kids try to make it today as young adults.

.

[DanaC]

@ Sundae: ah hon, that's rough. Give us a bell if you need to vent.

@v: I'm not a parent, but I am an auntie and it broke my heart when Soph was having a difficult time earlier this year. It's never nice to see the younglings suffer, but as a parent it must cut so deep.

I have no idea what is going on with your kids, or why they are suffering, but I hope it's nothing too serious.


[eta[ ah damn, V, I just read the other thread. So sad. I can only imagine how hard this is for them. And for you seeing them go through it.

[infinite monkey]

I'm sorry sundae. That email has to hurt, no matter the reasoning behind it.

Bigv...so sorry to you also.

There's so much pain in the world.