Humor...I Need Humor...

[ferret88]

Originally Posted by Irie

Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....

If only I'd had that definition when I was in marketing classes years ago.

[Ibby]

A C-130 was flying on a mission when a cocky F-16 pilot flew up next to him.


The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.



The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"



The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes, and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said "What did you think of that?"

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the hell did you do?"

The C-130 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a sweet roll."

[Ronald Cherrycoke]

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."



Steven Wrght

[footfootfoot]

cute.
http://www.dailymotion.com/visited/s...without-brains

[Crimson Ghost]

I put brick pattern wallpaper over the brick walls in my apartment.
When people come over, I tell them "Go ahead, touch it, it feels real." - Steven Wright

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. When it comes out, I'm gonna sue myself. - Steven Wright

[BrianR]

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to
> marry the little girl across
> the street. The father, being modern and
> well-schooled in handling children,
> hid his smile behind his hand.
>
> "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought
> it out completely?"
>
> "Yes," his young son answered "We can spend one
> week in my room and the next
> in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run
> home if I get scared of
> the dark."
>
> "How about transportation? "How about transp
>
> "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,"
> the little boy answered.
> The boy had an answer to every question the father
> raised.
>
> Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What
> about babies? When you're
> married, you're liable to have babies, you know."
>
> "We've thought about that, too," the little boy
> replied. "We're not going to
> have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going
> to step on it!"

[Ronald Cherrycoke]

"One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building... I turned it... and the whole building started up.... So I drove it around.... A policeman stopped me for going too fast... He said, 'Where do you live?'... I said, 'Right here'... Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway."


Steven Wright

[Explicit]

Originally Posted by Ronald Cherrycoke

"One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building... I turned it... and the whole building started up.... So I drove it around.... A policeman stopped me for going too fast... He said, 'Where do you live?'... I said, 'Right here'... Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway."


Steven Wright

LOL

[Mixie]

A young zebra is troubled with a dilemma. He has no idea whether he's a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes. So he goes up to his mum.
"Mum", he says, "am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes?"
The mother has no idea, and says that probably his dad will know the answer. So he goes to his dad, asking him "dad, am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes?"
Dad has no clue, and suggests that his son goes to see the Owl, who is a very wise animal and will surely know the answer. And the young zebra trots off to the tree where Owl lives.
"Mister Owl, can I ask you a question?"
Upon which Owl answers, "but of course, my son, what is troubling you?"
"Well, you see, I'd really wish to know whether I'm a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes."
Owl chuckles and say, "oh, but that's very easy. You're a white zebra with black stripes."
The young zebra nods happily for a moment, content to finally have an answer, but then furrows his brow and asks, "how can you tell?"
"Well", Owl says, "that's quite easy. Had you been a black zebra with white stripes, you would've come up to me and said, 'yo Owl man, lemme axe you sum question thang...'"

(I hope nobody feels offended... *sheepish smile*)

[footfootfoot]

A wino, unrelated to the ones in post #1161, walks up to a jewish grandmother and says "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."

"Force yourself." She replies.

[Ronald Cherrycoke]

"Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head."

Steven Wright

[BrianR]

> Investment tips for 2007.... for all of you
> with any money left, be
> aware of the next expected mergers so that you can
> get in on the
> ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for
> these consolidations
> in 2007.
>
> 1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller
> Brush, and
> W.R.Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary,
> Fuller, Grace.
>
> 2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta
> Crackers join forces and
> become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
>
> 3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.
>
> 4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and
> Dakota Mining will
> merge and become: Zip Audi Do Da.
>
> 5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor,
> UPS, and become:
> FedUP.
>
> 6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers
> will become: Fairwell
>
> 7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to
> become: Poupon Pants.
>
> 8.Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization
> of Women will
> become: Knott NOW!
>
> 9.) Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge
> under the new
> name: Titty Titty Bang Bang
>
> and finally:

A.B. Dick (art supply company) will merge with Viagra International and
Spectacular Women (a perfume by Collins Corp.) and they will create: {ready for this ?} Sleepless Nights for Women.

[Mixie]

Brian, while I enjoyed your post (despite not knowing half of the companies, lol) I had to laugh the hardest at your signature. Brilliant! Especially that last line.

[King]

A man goes to a zoo. When he gets there, it's totally empty. He walks around, looking for animals, but he sees nothing. After looking around for a long time, he sees a cage with just one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu.

[Ibby]

Da-dum tch.