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#121 | |
LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 7,661
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Quote:
Who toted us from place to place ?? the squids . nothing more than grocery toteing bus drivers !!!! We didn't even need them for security ???? Uh when I was in the way NORTH atlantic for year provideing security for navy outposts , it was VERRRRRRRRY evedent that you guys needed leading about by the hand when it came to security ,,,, just ask the crypto tech that shit his pants and burned up a whole row of code mechines just because he was hot and proped open a door . I poked my head in to see why the door was open , he spotted me and FREAKED .. Major shit over that incedent , BUT i was following orders , he cought the shit over that one . Bell hops ???? Who was wearing the bell bottoms and upside down dog bowl 's ??????? Did you even have liberty cuffs on your blues ???? Oh and SYC , i guess you could say i was one of the crasy ones . But hey SOME body HAS to do it , and i was proud to serv my country . Troubleshooter , just ragging on ya , nothing personal , not my fault you desided to join the squids , but hey we needed the drivers as we were to busy learning how to blow shit up "REAL GOOD !!!!!!"
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"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner |
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#122 | |
bent
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: under the weather
Posts: 2,656
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^^^^^^^^^
Quote:
Makes me wish I had joined the service when I had the chance. They have this camaraderie us civilians can't fully comprehend. But at the time, I wanted to fly planes and my eyesight wouldn't allow it. Of course, I found out later that nobody likes the pilots anyway, so I'd still be out of the loop. lol |
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#123 | ||
LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 7,661
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Quote:
Quote:
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"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner |
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#124 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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A twelve year old boy gets hit by a car at a busy intersection.
A woman witnesses the entire event and runs over to the little boy, who's lying on the ground in a pool of blood. She gently cradles the boy's head in her arms and whispers, "Do you need a priest?" The boy moans, "How you can think of sex at a time like this?"
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#125 |
professional bowler
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 134
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This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, October 1998. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations >>10-10-98.
IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course. BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITIANNIA! THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN !!!, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. IRISH: We are a lighthouse................Your Call. |
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#126 |
professional bowler
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 134
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dont tut tut me i'm new
Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital. A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family. Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem. What do you call a cat with no tail? A manx cat. Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas. How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed. Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.' Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off. Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest. |
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#127 |
Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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Snopes says false on the lighthouse story! I knew I'd heard that one before. Snopes has the exact same text except that it's between an American and a Canadian and has a different date.
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#128 |
professional bowler
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 134
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my apologies!
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#129 |
Professor
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 1,788
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The original lighthouse humor
A communication between an Egyption and a Macedonian, communicating with signal fires:
Egyptian: Please divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision Macedonian: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees north to avoid a collision. Egyptian: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Macedonian: This is the Captain of a Macedonian Navy warship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Egyptian: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Macedonian: This is the FLAGSHIP of the MACEDONIAN NAVY, carrying ALEXANDER son of Phillip. We've got a whole LOT of soldiers who are REALLY bored out of their minds, not to mention some REAL good archers, so YOU divert YOUR course. Egyptians: This is Pharos. Your call. |
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#130 | |
Shuttered and locked
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 97
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Quote:
Dude, that's just WRONG. Funny, but WRONG. ![]()
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I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.... |
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#131 | |
Shuttered and locked
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 97
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Quote:
Am I the only one who thinks that's "Dude, Where's My Car" funny? ![]()
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I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.... |
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#132 |
Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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There's also Louis C.K.'s "Bad Jokes", a section of his website that he started when he realized how it's hard to write an intentionally bad joke.
- What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his balls? -- A Dogsn't - Why can't a soldier look wistfully at the ocean? -- Because there's no gaze in the military. See, they're BAD jokes. - What should you use to write down that you just took a dump? -- A number 2 pencil. |
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#133 | |
The urban Jane Goodall
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,012
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Quote:
Swift, silent, deadly. And speaking of blowing shit up real good, that's why we carry these When you care enough to send the very best... Edit: made the link work right
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I have gained this from philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law. - Aristotle |
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#134 |
Shuttered and locked
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 97
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A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed
him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!"
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I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.... |
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#135 |
Shuttered and locked
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 97
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Here's one that registers on the ick-o-meter. For those of you who get the willies thinking of your parents doing it, pass this one up
![]() Top Ten Signs Your Grandparents Are Still Sexually Active! 10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor. 9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass. 8. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of "denture- burn." 7. Granny found cuffed to her walker. 6. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints. 5. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa's crotch and claps twice. 4. Your "Grandma" is Anna Nicole Smith. 3. You've just seen the photos in the "Beaver Hunt" section of the May issue of Hustler. 2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies. 1. Craft-matic adjustable bed set for "doggy style."
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I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.... |
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humor |
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