That's cool, if a network works for you.

Well, there are a few good friends I can talk to, but really it doesn't help that much. Yeah, it's nice when someone listens, but in the end I'm the one who has to deal with it all. The only one with answers is me really. I know what I need to do. I just need to flip that switch in my head, but there's a part of me that kind of likes feeling sad or something. It's like a drug. It's hard to fight. I quit smoking and other things in my life. I'm sure I can quit this too.

Chin up, you've been through the wringer.

Have you tried a ménage à trois in public during daylight? :haha:

It's impossible to fight. That's the Pain Body. It's NOT a part of YOU. It is it's own entity and It want's to survive.

It wants to, but the only way it can is if you feed it. It is not you. You are not your thoughts. You are the thinker. Separate yourself from that feeling when you notice it, and remind yourself that you are safe and sound, and that, in THIS MOMENT, you are OK. Nothing is lacking.

Thanks Jim.

Just hoping that helps you some. The book is called The Power of Now. I'm sure you're all sick of me bringing it up, but it's the most useful thing I've ever read.

I had a book called Awareness by Anthony DeMello. It was the same for me. I found it really uplifting and thought provoking. I loaned it to someone who didn't return it. I can't remember who it was and it's something I need to fix. I think I might go buy another copy if I can find it anywhere.

PM me your address and I'll have it delivered.
http://www.amazon.com/Awareness-The-.../dp/0385249373

That's very kind Bruce. x I'll sort it out though. It's only a small paperback, so much cheaper for me to have a look in the bookstore and buy it here. :)

Wow. That really resonates. I have totally been there.

So I went to the library yesterday. Signed up for next year's health insurance. It's going to cost way more than I think I can afford, but what the government thinks I can afford isn't exactly the same thing. If I quit one of my jobs it would be free. But then there's less money. I don't know what's more cost-effective but I suspect it would be to quit a job. Not happening.

So this thread has been on my mind, the way my thoughts take over. I went to look for that Power of Now book. Online card catalog said 'available.' But it wasn't there where it was supposed to be. Looked all over the surrounding shelves. Nope. I guess someone who would rather steal than just get a library card. Or it was just misplaced. But the stealing was where my thoughts went. Huh. Jaded, I am. You might be too if you dealt with some of the stuff I saw in Higher Ed and what I see now in Public Defender's office. I fight that, try to keep some of the ideals I had when I was younger. But sometimes I'm too tired to fight it.

But anyway, I'll keep an eye out for it because it sounds like a good read.

And it's comforting to know others go through this too. Not that I want others to go through it, it just makes me feel less freakish. More human. So, thanks for the thread.

I've got two copies coming from amazon today. PM me your address..

until then click here for a pdf

I have this on audiobook, and I've listened to it 4 times or more.... and each time, some different part stands out to me. I think I need to read it again, just to remind myself to stay present.

From over here, I can tell you that you seem 100% human and 0% freak.