The Black Dog

[Aliantha]

I'm really struggling lately to keep the black dog at bay. It's been a tough year, but I've tried really hard to stay focused on positive things. I think a big part of the problem is that my health has not been good. I started the year with glandular fever, just started feeling on top of game then slammed my hand in the door. Have been dealing with that for 6 months and am just now recovering from a severe sinus infection. Of course there's been my marriage break down and coming to terms with the realisation that it's probably never going to be repaired, and working on top of that and dealing with my oldest son basically being estranged from the family for the whole time (more or less). eta: Also, the drug trial for my psoriasis ended so my skin is way out of control, which has been a struggle getting used to again too.

Do I have a right to feel depressed and should I be giving myself permission to grieve or do I need to go see my doc? I wouldn't say I'm an expert on depression, but I do know what it feels like, and right now, that's how I'm feeling. I really don't care about seeing anyone, and I really don't care much about anyone else's whining, and I have no compassion because I feel like everyone else should just get over it because I have better things to worry about, like myself, but I really don't give a shit about me either. I feel like I could walk under a bus today and it wouldn't matter anyway. Everything just feels pointless.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Depressed? Hell no, you should be slapping yourself on the back, and buying yourself a bauble, to celebrate getting through all that shit.

♪ You've paid your dues
Time after time
You've done your sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
You've made a few
You've had your share of sand
Kicked in your face
♫But you've come through

And you mean to go on and on and on and on

♫You are the champion - my friends
And you'll keep on fighting
Till the end
You are the champion
You are the champion
No time for losers
'Cause you are the champion of the World ♪

[busterb]

What Mr. B said

[sexobon]

[Aliantha]

That black dog looks pretty nice.

[orthodoc]

You've been through so much this year - as monster once said to me, you didn't think you'd get through all this without some depression, did you?

Give yourself permission to grieve AND go see your doc. Sometimes life screws up our neurotransmitters and a little help from medication goes a long way. Sometimes a little talk therapy can do wonders. Depression doesn't tend to get better by itself, people don't will themselves out of it. If you're feeling like everything is pointless and you could walk under a bus without it mattering, get thee to a doctor posthaste!

You're a good, strong person who has taken too many hits. No shame in asking for a little help. We all need it sometimes. Many hugs.

[limey]

What ortho said. Not all black dogs are as cute as the one sexo posted.


Sent by thought transference

[monster]

exactly.

you are allowed to feel like shit. But don't walk under a bus. Go see your doc and get some help to at least get the shit to a bearable point until the buses look like opportunities to jump on rather than under.

[lumberjim]

When you're going through hell, keep going

[Aliantha]

I don't think staying where I am is an option anyway.

[sexobon]

Can we emphasize that ... yes we can:

[xoxoxoBruce]

Do you have a close friend you can talk with without worrying about it going any further? Even if they have no suggestions, sometimes just having to organize your thoughts, and say it out loud, helps put everything is perspective. Then you can set your priorities and maybe can figure out how to move on.

I know when a bunch of shit would start piling on, I'd think about one and all the worst case scenarios until I felt defeated, then jump to the next one in my head and take the same ride. But if I could put all but one priority on the back burner I could actually make progress. Sometime I couldn't completely fix the one I was working on before the back burner started boiling over, but a little progress and getting one stabilized until I could get back to it, was a big boost. YMMV.

I'm not an OBGYN, and never played one on TV, but I'll take a shot at it.

[sexobon]

Gotta do what it takes to get your dreams back.

[Aliantha]

You're entertaining me sexo...if nothing else. haha

Thanks for all the kind words. I think I will go to the doc for a chat. For the most part I'm plodding along, but I've lost the spring in my step lately. Usually I love Christmas and drive everyone batty with my excitement, and I'm really sad that I'm not feeling it this year, even though I've got everything sorted nicely and it should be a really special day for all of us.

I just want to get my groove back. Like Stella.

[Aliantha]

Bruce, I have a good support network around me, but I really just want my Mum. I'm having so much trouble missing her still after more than 12 years. Still seems like yesterday, and if she were here, this year would have been so much less disastrous.

I fucking hate cancer.