How long should you wait?
 

Okay, so, imagine you're friends with a girl for a few months, and for most of that time she has a boyfriend. During this time you realise you would like to be more than friends with her, but obviously can't do anything about it. Then she breaks up with her boyfriend. Is it appropriate to then ask her her out? How long should you wait before doing it? This may or may not be hypothetical.:neutral:

Is her ex-boyfriend your boy, your old chap, your comrade? If so, then you have to follow designated "Man Law" accordances and wait 6 months until she can be considered on the market therefore not ruining the relationship with your bro. If he is not one of your homies, feel free to comfort her and let her talk to you and make your move within a few weeks, but no too hasty, young padawon, for she will think you are a prowler.

No, the guy is nothing to do with me. I wouldn't even be considering it if he were. Thanks for the response.:thumb:

I'd take the cue from her. She may or may not want to date again for a long time...depending on many factors. As her friend, you can be there for her and see where it goes.

Good luck!

Thanks, Shawnee. I don't think she's hugely upset about the breakup, but at the same time I understand that she might very well need some time. If and when I speak to her about it I'll tell her that she can take it as slowly and take as much time as she likes, but I'm not sure when even that sort of approach will be appropriate.

If she's "not hugely upset" about it, don't wait to tell her how you feel. Maybe give it a few days or even a week, but any longer and you risk sitting on the sidelines again while she starts up with another guy.

Maybe she's been attracted to you all along but never did anything because she's been in a relationship.

Of course, maybe not. Only one way to find out.

True, glatt.

King, if your feelings are not reciprocated, will you two still be able to be friends?

Yeah, that's a concern.

A few of my friends definitely think so. I'm not as sure.

I would like to be, but I think it would be awkward.

AWKWARD!

(tangent) What a buzz kill, huh. A great date, then one irrelevant unneccesary out of place line and bam! O___O So yeah...
Initial dating, like the first 3 months was so fun because it was so tense, so unscripted, you weren't sure how she'd react to you, unpredictable! At least my take heh.

Might be awkward for a while, but it can be done. My ex husband and I are the best of friends.

Just show-up at her house drunk and horny at 3am and never call her again.
Works for most guys.

Other than that, I would wait a couple of days, fuck-it.

Go for it. There is absolutely , positively, no possible way to predict in advance what will come of doing this or doing that. There are too many variables, most of which you can't even be aware of. So follow your dick... uh, heart.

Just make sure you don't get screwed over with the "someone else asked her out the day before I was going too" situation.

Yeah, I definitely don't want that. It's a fine line between asking too soon and looking inconsiderate and as if I was only ever friends for the wrong reasons, and waiting too long, making it seem as if I'm not interested, and potentially someone else getting there first. Damn, this is hard.

That was my thinking. Plus, I'm a dork and ok with it. I tell people how I feel.

Thanks for the response so far. If anyone else wants to contribute I'd be grateful for every opinion.

There's the idea of giving some clear and obvious signal, such as

"That guy was an idiot to let you go. Mmm, what I'd do to you... I mean for you..."

Then your ball's in her court. Or whatever that old phrase is. If she thinks it's time to move on, you've given her an option. If she doesn't, you've given her an option when she is ready.

Sit on her porch and drool.. or keep her on the phone so nobody can ask her out. You can't risk waiting till after the bounce, on a rebound.

Seriously, tell her in the time you've known her, you've discovered what a warm and wonderful person she is, and how she deserves to be treated better than Mr X did.

Best move you can make is stalk her and interrupt her if she talks to any males, and be like "Oh hey _____ you forgot your hair clip, here it is :) ". She'll be yours in the time it takes a delivery from Papa John's
Yup.

You: "hey, wanna come to the movies?

Her: "yeah, that would be great"

You: "ohhhh, we should go to dinner before/after?"

Her answer should give you quite a few clues without you risking the friendship.

But meh, what would I know, I'm good for fucking, not dating :)

dude, strap it up and tell her how you feel.

"hey, Nancy, I know you just broke up with Bill, and I don't want to be tactless, but I want you to know that I am attracted to you, and I want to make sure you know it before you file me away as a friend forever.[/actual advice][joking] Anyway... I'd at least like to get a BJ out of this.....what? I'll reciprocate of course!"[/joking]

Yeah, I'm thinking about doing it on Tuesday now. It's the next time I'll see her, and while it's not ideal, I think it'll have to do. Nobody think this is absolutely, definitely too soon? (Her breakup was only on Wednesday).

Not too soon, after her first free weekend it's a new deal, a new ballgame.

"more than friends" I'd get scared if someone said that to me.

A fruedian slip?

every opinion?

I can respect a horn dog when he just comes right out and asks.
"let's do it" Or "have sex with me"

.....'cause unless there is something about her that you want to get to know on a deep emotional level then that's all that's left anyway.
:2cents:

Are you implying that I'm just after sex? Because that's really not it at all.

**wink wink**
**nudge nudge**
**say no more say no more**

tee hee fresh :)

I can't help it.... I HAVE to!

ahem...
King ....No you are not inconsiderate by rushing in. An example of being inconsiderate would be hanging up on your girlfriend when you're with another women so personally don't think desperation is inconsiderate at all. Maybe it isn't sex. Maybe she's got money?

It's not about sex, or money, or being desperate, I just found someone I like and I want to be with them.

If I were her, at this point I'd say "You had me at hello." :o

Sounds like she'd be a lucky girl, King.

Go out on a massive drinking session with her
Accidentally brush her breasts as you put your pint down
If she hasn't slapped you by the third time, lean in for a big slurpy snog

Or maybe that would only work on me...

Seriously, go out with her - there are plenty of (subtle) physical clues that will show you whether she is interested in you. It's not so much a time issue, it's a person issue. In other words if she's always had a sly interest in you she could be ready after a week. If the idea of you as a bona fide male (with a penis and all that) has to grow on her it could take a few months.

But, but, if his penis grows on her, doesn't that kind of spoil it?

Could we please stop talking about my penis now?:eek:

I was talking about your growth, Bruce was talking about your penis ;)

40, 50 year olds, never grow up do they. :D

Aint that the truth, I work with a bunch of them that are still fascinated with their bodily functions and INSIST on involving me in them.

How long should you wait?

30 minutes after eating. That way your belly doesn't look so big.

Well that won't take long.

I asked her today and she said yes, however she will need some time, which I am more than willing to give her. So things are looking up. Thanks to everyone that replied. :thankyou:

Awesome!

Hey, just got here.

How long should you wait for what? :corn:

Woo Hoo King! Now, where are ya gonna take her??

I suggest the zoo. No matter how big of a monkey you are (not that I'm saying you are a monkey) the primate exhibit is full of a bunch of bigger monkeys.

How long should you wait before you take someone to the zoo?

Sheesh.

I'm a little slow *shrugs*

It's a good, fun icebreaker. Something for the 0-3 months of a courtship, definitely. :)

Girl: "So like, ___ took me to the zoo and it was like, totally really fun. It was a great day and he bought me this cute lion stuffed animal!"

Guy:"Yeah I shelled out some money but it wasn' that much, it was the zoo. But she digs me now, yeah."

I would take a girl out to the zoo on a first date. I would make sure she was a fairly talkative girl though, two hours of silence is not good.

I like the zoo, it could work. Looks like I'm gonna have to wait though.