How long should you wait?

King · 05-18-2007, 12:04 PM

Okay, so, imagine you're friends with a girl for a few months, and for most of that time she has a boyfriend. During this time you realise you would like to be more than friends with her, but obviously can't do anything about it. Then she breaks up with her boyfriend. Is it appropriate to then ask her her out? How long should you wait before doing it? This may or may not be hypothetical.

freshnesschronic · 05-18-2007, 12:17 PM

Is her ex-boyfriend your boy, your old chap, your comrade? If so, then you have to follow designated "Man Law" accordances and wait 6 months until she can be considered on the market therefore not ruining the relationship with your bro. If he is not one of your homies, feel free to comfort her and let her talk to you and make your move within a few weeks, but no too hasty, young padawon, for she will think you are a prowler.

King · 05-18-2007, 12:20 PM

No, the guy is nothing to do with me. I wouldn't even be considering it if he were. Thanks for the response.

Shawnee123 · 05-18-2007, 12:26 PM

I'd take the cue from her. She may or may not want to date again for a long time...depending on many factors. As her friend, you can be there for her and see where it goes.

Good luck!

King · 05-18-2007, 01:21 PM

Thanks, Shawnee. I don't think she's hugely upset about the breakup, but at the same time I understand that she might very well need some time. If and when I speak to her about it I'll tell her that she can take it as slowly and take as much time as she likes, but I'm not sure when even that sort of approach will be appropriate.

glatt · 05-18-2007, 01:33 PM

If she's "not hugely upset" about it, don't wait to tell her how you feel. Maybe give it a few days or even a week, but any longer and you risk sitting on the sidelines again while she starts up with another guy.

Maybe she's been attracted to you all along but never did anything because she's been in a relationship.

Of course, maybe not. Only one way to find out.

Shawnee123 · 05-18-2007, 01:43 PM

True, glatt.

King, if your feelings are not reciprocated, will you two still be able to be friends?

King · 05-18-2007, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

any longer and you risk sitting on the sidelines again while she starts up with another guy.

Yeah, that's a concern.

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

Maybe she's been attracted to you all along but never did anything because she's been in a relationship.

A few of my friends definitely think so. I'm not as sure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

King, if your feelings are not reciprocated, will you two still be able to be friends?

I would like to be, but I think it would be awkward.

freshnesschronic · 05-18-2007, 02:25 PM

AWKWARD!

(tangent) What a buzz kill, huh. A great date, then one irrelevant unneccesary out of place line and bam! O___O So yeah...
Initial dating, like the first 3 months was so fun because it was so tense, so unscripted, you weren't sure how she'd react to you, unpredictable! At least my take heh.

Shawnee123 · 05-18-2007, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by King

I would like to be, but I think it would be awkward.

Might be awkward for a while, but it can be done. My ex husband and I are the best of friends.

05-18-2007, 02:54 PM

Just show-up at her house drunk and horny at 3am and never call her again.
Works for most guys.

Other than that, I would wait a couple of days, fuck-it.

xoxoxoBruce · 05-18-2007, 03:37 PM

Go for it. There is absolutely , positively, no possible way to predict in advance what will come of doing this or doing that. There are too many variables, most of which you can't even be aware of. So follow your dick... uh, heart.

piercehawkeye45 · 05-18-2007, 04:55 PM

Just make sure you don't get screwed over with the "someone else asked her out the day before I was going too" situation.

King · 05-18-2007, 06:32 PM

Yeah, I definitely don't want that. It's a fine line between asking too soon and looking inconsiderate and as if I was only ever friends for the wrong reasons, and waiting too long, making it seem as if I'm not interested, and potentially someone else getting there first. Damn, this is hard.

05-18-2007, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piercehawkeye45

Just make sure you don't get screwed over with the "someone else asked her out the day before I was going too" situation.

That was my thinking. Plus, I'm a dork and ok with it. I tell people how I feel.

05-18-2007, 12:04 PM	#1
King Conquistador Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Everywhere Posts: 259	How long should you wait? Okay, so, imagine you're friends with a girl for a few months, and for most of that time she has a boyfriend. During this time you realise you would like to be more than friends with her, but obviously can't do anything about it. Then she breaks up with her boyfriend. Is it appropriate to then ask her her out? How long should you wait before doing it? This may or may not be hypothetical. __________________ "I've shot you, Jeff. With a bullet made of Scottish finance regulations."

05-18-2007, 12:20 PM	#3
King Conquistador Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Everywhere Posts: 259	No, the guy is nothing to do with me. I wouldn't even be considering it if he were. Thanks for the response. __________________ "I've shot you, Jeff. With a bullet made of Scottish finance regulations."

05-18-2007, 12:26 PM	#4
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I'd take the cue from her. She may or may not want to date again for a long time...depending on many factors. As her friend, you can be there for her and see where it goes. Good luck! __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

05-18-2007, 01:21 PM	#5
King Conquistador Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Everywhere Posts: 259	Thanks, Shawnee. I don't think she's hugely upset about the breakup, but at the same time I understand that she might very well need some time. If and when I speak to her about it I'll tell her that she can take it as slowly and take as much time as she likes, but I'm not sure when even that sort of approach will be appropriate. __________________ "I've shot you, Jeff. With a bullet made of Scottish finance regulations."

05-18-2007, 01:43 PM	#7
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	True, glatt. King, if your feelings are not reciprocated, will you two still be able to be friends? __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

05-18-2007, 12:17 PM	#2
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Is her ex-boyfriend your boy, your old chap, your comrade? If so, then you have to follow designated "Man Law" accordances and wait 6 months until she can be considered on the market therefore not ruining the relationship with your bro. If he is not one of your homies, feel free to comfort her and let her talk to you and make your move within a few weeks, but no too hasty, young padawon, for she will think you are a prowler.

05-18-2007, 01:33 PM	#6
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	If she's "not hugely upset" about it, don't wait to tell her how you feel. Maybe give it a few days or even a week, but any longer and you risk sitting on the sidelines again while she starts up with another guy. Maybe she's been attracted to you all along but never did anything because she's been in a relationship. Of course, maybe not. Only one way to find out.

05-18-2007, 02:25 PM	#9
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	AWKWARD! (tangent) What a buzz kill, huh. A great date, then one irrelevant unneccesary out of place line and bam! O___O So yeah... Initial dating, like the first 3 months was so fun because it was so tense, so unscripted, you weren't sure how she'd react to you, unpredictable! At least my take heh.

05-18-2007, 02:54 PM	#11
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Just show-up at her house drunk and horny at 3am and never call her again. Works for most guys. Other than that, I would wait a couple of days, fuck-it.

05-18-2007, 03:37 PM	#12
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Go for it. There is absolutely , positively, no possible way to predict in advance what will come of doing this or doing that. There are too many variables, most of which you can't even be aware of. So follow your dick... uh, heart. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

05-18-2007, 04:55 PM	#13
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Just make sure you don't get screwed over with the "someone else asked her out the day before I was going too" situation.

05-18-2007, 06:32 PM	#14
King Conquistador Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Everywhere Posts: 259	Yeah, I definitely don't want that. It's a fine line between asking too soon and looking inconsiderate and as if I was only ever friends for the wrong reasons, and waiting too long, making it seem as if I'm not interested, and potentially someone else getting there first. Damn, this is hard. __________________ "I've shot you, Jeff. With a bullet made of Scottish finance regulations."

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