[Weird Harold]

What a strange turn of events for the duct tape bandit. As you can all tell, he isn't the brightest bulb, his life sucked. He thought things were finally turning around, when he came up with a super name, "the duct tape bandit". What a great name, he thought, all the other petty criminals will be so jealous. I'll get invited to all the parties, women will want me, men will want to be me. It's even better than the wet bandits, from Home Alone.

So the big heist didn't go so well, and I got beat with an ugly stick, at least I've got a title. I'm the duct tape bandit. I'll be famous. And he was, his story was spread all over the Internet, until it landed here, and a cannibal read about him, and well the rest is really gross....