Sheryl Crow says you use too much toilet paper

[Undertoad]

via Washington Post

I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares [sic] of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgement [sic] I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out.

Sheryl: I'm pretty sure I know why Lance dumped you, and why you can't keep any other guy for longer than a few weeks. Evidence:

1) You're an insufferable nag over every little tiny thing.
2) Your ass hygiene is utterly foul.

Some guys can get past your #1 but none are going to get past your #2.

[piercehawkeye45]

Haha, this is really stupid.

[TheMercenary]

She is an idiot, but I like her singing.

[Shawnee123]

What a twit!

I heard she's been remaking some of her songs:

The First Butt is the Deepest

Soak Up Your Bung

If It Makes You Nappy

All I Wanna Poo

[Sundae]

One square per visit?
Two-three is a pesky occasion?

I am assuming this is a joke that has been taken seriously by a gullible journalist...? I hope so. Either that or you have some kind of uber toilet paper over there that you are not sharing with the rest of the world.

One square barely soaks up the drips after I've had a wee. And I keep myself very tidy down there - I imagine the square count would be much higher if I was fully furred. And using two-three squares in the pesky event of having a poo... well anyone who has discovered they are down to the end of the last roll after they've committed will tell you it isn't ideal. Putting your finger through the sheet anyone?

Bleuch - I agree that many people use an unnecessary amount, but there are much more pressing issues to be discussed. And when you do choose to discuss it, at least be realistic. I'd rather she suggested the Arab way of using water (and sometimes a cloth) than an unrealistic ration of the existing tools.

[Cloud]

I have one word: wipies

[BrianR]

I have always said that there is a deplorable lack of bidets in America.

Maybe now something good will come of her ranting.

In the meantime, I use as much as I deem necessary to clean myself.
And I have a box of wipes handy, too.

[Scopulus Argentarius]

"A Change Would Do You Good?"

That girl is funky in the truest sense.

If we'd listen to her we'd be waving the shitty finger at her.

It was a joke.

[Undertoad]

So she says the day after the idea is broadly mocked.

Look at the whole thing in context.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

It was a joke.

yea, nice try... she is trying to cover her ass (with one double ply bit of Charmin), and it ain't workin...

[Happy Monkey]

Wait, you guys thought she was serious originally?

Come on, she's human. Nobody uses one square.

[milkfish]

I'd go along with the program, as long as someone started producing TP in rolls that are 30 cm wide.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Happy Monkey

Nobody uses one square.

I saw a military-style survival show on television once where the guy explained how you really do wipe with one sheet when conservation is key to survival.

1.) Fold sheet in half twice
2.) Tear tiny piece off the appropriate corner, such that when you open it back up there is a small hole in the middle of the sheet. (Save the little piece.)
3.) Stick your middle finger through the hole.
4.) Wipe once very smoothly, using the finger as a sort of squeegie.
5.) Pinch tightly around the base of the middle finger with the other hand and pull upwards, so that in removing the square of toilet paper you also remove the residue on the middle finger as you move up.
6.) Use the tiny piece from the center to clean under your fingernail.

He swore this was accepted practice among his colleagues. I don't think I'll be trying it.