Discussing death with kids

[glatt]

I've got an uncle who is in the advanced stages of lung cancer. They just gave up on the chemo treatments, because they aren't working. And now they are just trying to make him as comfortable as possible for as long as possible. He's still at home for now. No hospital yet.

He's somebody that the kids have seen about once a year, and we saw him in July. My son, who is a kindergartener probably isn't really all that certain who he even is, because when we see him there are tons of other people around. My 3rd grade daughter knows who he is, and even had a special moment with him in July when he praised/rewarded her for an accomplishment she made.

The kids have been told that he's sick. And saw (if they even noticed it) that he had little energy in July and was short of breath all the time. But they don't know how serious it is.

I've never dealt with this before. How much should I tell them? Do they need to know that he's dying? Will it just scare them? When he does die, should they travel out of state to the funeral, or should I just go by myself? I'm getting a little ahead of myself with the funeral because he's still alive and kicking, but it's almost certainly coming.

To be brutally honest, they don't know him that well, although he is the grandfather of kids they do identify with and play with a lot each year.

Basically, I have no idea how to approach this. Should I just wait until he dies and then tell them he's dead and go to the funeral by myself while they stay home with my wife and keep going to school? Or should I involve them a lot? Ask them to make cards now, etc. and let them attend the funeral?

My general philosophy of child rearing is that kids understand stuff more than you give them credit for and you should always be open and honest with them. But somehow I feel like it's different with death. I think they might understand it too much. They might get scared by the information that a relative is dying, and I don't want to scare them.

Thoughts?