Personal drama ensues . . .

Cloud · 04-08-2008, 10:32 AM

(don't ya just love the word, "ensues?")

Daughter No. 2's divorce and custody is shaping up to be very nasty, very quickly. She took out a restraining order against hubby (not uncommon); he retaliated by contesting it and calling DHS on her.

Fucker.

Anyway, now we are looking at bringing the grandson, a 9-year old from her previous marriage, out here to get him out of the drama. We were planning this anyway, but we were trying to wait out the school year and bring him here for summer. Now with DHS involved, Daughter is totally freaked out, and fearful that they will remove the child. No reason to, really, but she doesn't trust those people (and I can't say I blame her).

So now I am trying to figure out how to obtain a temp guardianship to get the kiddo in school, or even if that's necessary. He's been homeschooled for the past month or so since the breakup. Any suggestions?

Elspode · 04-08-2008, 11:56 PM

1) Get a large bag of money.
2) Hire a lawyer.
3) Pray.

This kind of stuff is ridiculously complex, and never easy. Professional advice is highly recommended.

monster · 04-09-2008, 12:14 AM

Suggestion is to work with DHS, not against them.

zippyt · 04-09-2008, 12:33 AM

get in touch with the Juvie court in the area , they have child advcuts ( for the kids interest ) and they can and WILL make rulings STICK !!!!

Cloud · 04-09-2008, 08:48 AM

thanks for posting, guys. I don't know what is happening from day to day. Hate that my daughter has to go through this, but these were her choices, so she has to live with them.

kerosene · 04-09-2008, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

Suggestion is to work with DHS, not against them.

I second that one. In my experience, these people aren't out to take kids away. They are there to make sure they aren't in danger.

Cloud · 04-09-2008, 04:53 PM

She doesn't trust them, because she's a "hippie chick" and fears prejudice against her for that reason. She had a good friend whose daughter was taken away, for no other reason that I can tell other than the grandparents were a-holes.

She's not too rational about that subject, I'm afraid.

monster · 04-09-2008, 05:17 PM

But if she refuses to co-operate, that will most likely give them cause for concern. Especially if they have a prejudice against "Hippie chicks". The only way to tackle prejudice effectively is to prove that the bad stereotypes are unfounded.

You work in a law office, don't you? Can't your cow orkers advise?

Sundae · 04-10-2008, 02:49 PM

I am baffled by the predominance of restraining orders in US divorces, so I can't offer any real advice.

But stick in there Cloud. Surely a hands-on Grandma has to weigh in her favour.
Also, fair or not, the parent with "possession" of the child tends to be favoured. Can your daughter come & mooch off you for a while? Mother plus Grandma plus son already settled in one abode surely has to mean something?

Apologies to any fathers whose children were taken in this way - I'm not saying it's right, just that if Cloud is willing to take her Grandson anyway, at least the child will also have one parent present through the upheaval.

Cloud · 04-10-2008, 04:08 PM

She is cooperating--she's just fearful. She's doing everything right, but it's hard to be so far away from her.

She's decided that to send son away at this point would look like an admission she's done something wrong. But it changes from day to day. We'll see.

She calls me all upset; I get upset; I dump on my friends. That would be you guys (in part), so -- thanks for listening!

Sundae · 04-10-2008, 04:10 PM

Good luck Cloud - I hope I didn't imply you were doing anything wrong - it is obvious you have your grandson's best interests at heart.

Cloud · 04-10-2008, 04:13 PM

'sokay--

I'm just baffled at people who fight like this. Don't they realize it just makes the children's lives harder?

Sundae · 04-10-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Don't they realize it just makes the children's lives harder?

That's what bugs me. But all you can do is the best you can.

I admit the UK system isn't perfect and there have been some huge miscarriages of justice, but another Dwellar went through a situation recently where a restraining order was applied and I was gobsmacked. Took me a while to realise it's a common factor in the US and doesn't mean spousal/ child abuse as it would here.

I'd love to hear about a country that had got it right, then I'd be happy to lobby Parliament to update our biased system.

DanaC · 04-11-2008, 05:00 AM

Hope it works out for your lass Cloud. Horrible situation all round. Keep us posted.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-11-2008, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Took me a while to realize it's a common factor in the US and doesn't mean spousal/ child abuse as it would here.

The law was a good idea to combat a sad situation. Unfortunately, it's much more often misused as a weapon of spite.

04-08-2008, 10:32 AM	#1
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	Personal drama ensues . . . (don't ya just love the word, "ensues?") Daughter No. 2's divorce and custody is shaping up to be very nasty, very quickly. She took out a restraining order against hubby (not uncommon); he retaliated by contesting it and calling DHS on her. Fucker. Anyway, now we are looking at bringing the grandson, a 9-year old from her previous marriage, out here to get him out of the drama. We were planning this anyway, but we were trying to wait out the school year and bring him here for summer. Now with DHS involved, Daughter is totally freaked out, and fearful that they will remove the child. No reason to, really, but she doesn't trust those people (and I can't say I blame her). So now I am trying to figure out how to obtain a temp guardianship to get the kiddo in school, or even if that's necessary. He's been homeschooled for the past month or so since the breakup. Any suggestions? __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-08-2008, 11:56 PM	#2
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	1) Get a large bag of money. 2) Hire a lawyer. 3) Pray. This kind of stuff is ridiculously complex, and never easy. Professional advice is highly recommended. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

04-09-2008, 12:14 AM	#3
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Suggestion is to work with DHS, not against them. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

04-09-2008, 12:33 AM	#4
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	get in touch with the Juvie court in the area , they have child advcuts ( for the kids interest ) and they can and WILL make rulings STICK !!!! __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

04-09-2008, 08:48 AM	#5
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	thanks for posting, guys. I don't know what is happening from day to day. Hate that my daughter has to go through this, but these were her choices, so she has to live with them. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-09-2008, 04:53 PM	#7
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	She doesn't trust them, because she's a "hippie chick" and fears prejudice against her for that reason. She had a good friend whose daughter was taken away, for no other reason that I can tell other than the grandparents were a-holes. She's not too rational about that subject, I'm afraid. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-09-2008, 05:17 PM	#8
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	But if she refuses to co-operate, that will most likely give them cause for concern. Especially if they have a prejudice against "Hippie chicks". The only way to tackle prejudice effectively is to prove that the bad stereotypes are unfounded. You work in a law office, don't you? Can't your cow orkers advise? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

04-10-2008, 02:49 PM	#9
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I am baffled by the predominance of restraining orders in US divorces, so I can't offer any real advice. But stick in there Cloud. Surely a hands-on Grandma has to weigh in her favour. Also, fair or not, the parent with "possession" of the child tends to be favoured. Can your daughter come & mooch off you for a while? Mother plus Grandma plus son already settled in one abode surely has to mean something? Apologies to any fathers whose children were taken in this way - I'm not saying it's right, just that if Cloud is willing to take her Grandson anyway, at least the child will also have one parent present through the upheaval. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

04-10-2008, 04:08 PM	#10
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	She is cooperating--she's just fearful. She's doing everything right, but it's hard to be so far away from her. She's decided that to send son away at this point would look like an admission she's done something wrong. But it changes from day to day. We'll see. She calls me all upset; I get upset; I dump on my friends. That would be you guys (in part), so -- thanks for listening! __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-10-2008, 04:10 PM	#11
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Good luck Cloud - I hope I didn't imply you were doing anything wrong - it is obvious you have your grandson's best interests at heart. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

04-10-2008, 04:13 PM	#12
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	'sokay-- I'm just baffled at people who fight like this. Don't they realize it just makes the children's lives harder? __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-11-2008, 05:00 AM	#14
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Hope it works out for your lass Cloud. Horrible situation all round. Keep us posted.

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