Death/Funeral Etiquette Advice, please

[monster]

from US peeps, sorry all else.....

The dad of one of Thor's closest friends died on Weds (prolonged battle with lung cancer) and his funeral is tomorrow. I met the guy once, Thor is 8. Would it be expected we attend? Would it help Thor's friend if he were there? Or will he be too tied up with his family and ritual obligations to even notice us? What is the norm? Funerals here seem so much bigger than the ones in the UK -is it everybody who ever came into contact shoud attend, or only those who felt close to the deceased?

We will send a condolence card of course, but I'm not big on funerals -I've been to one -my nan's- and I really didn't know the guy -he and the mom are not together and he's been sick all the time Thor has known this kid (one year) In the UK, kids generally do not attend funerals, but I'm hearing that some of their classmates will be attending. Should we go? I'm not big on them, but I'm not a wuss either -I can do a funeral if a funeral must be done. Even in church. I've asked Thor and he really is not into giving me an answer either way. Which is unusual, so i'm thinking maybe he feels the same way I do -don't want to go but maybe should.

And... if we do go, what to expect? there was a viewing tonight and there's another one at the church immediately before the service. Is the casket likely to be open at the service? Do we wear black?

And I'm worried Thor's worried we're going to die too. We went to Hector's class poetry book launch where some of them read their poems about their fears of growing up. On the way home, Thor asked beest if it was normal to be afraid of growing up. Maybe he's wondering if it's normal for parents to die. And if he is, will the funeral make that possibility seem more real?

I sort of think we should go, but I don't want to.