Sundae and me

orthodoc · 03-09-2014, 08:12 PM

I worked on this a little more ... comments/suggestions are welcome. It's a work in progress.

Sundae and me

It's Saturday and Sundae
can sleep in and catch up
on the sleep
that Ortho doesn't get
and neither has to wake up and listen to
Wake Up to Money

yet

Sundae and Orthodoc both
Watch black succumb to velvet blue
Our common star rises in the East
We both cleave to thoughts of you

Memories flow north into the Gyre that warms
The land that spawned us
Small miracles occur in unlikely places
Every hour is precious

Another day and once again the Merkins lose
an hour to Edison's greed
We do not agree

Any day that happens
is a good day
for Sundae and me

Sundae · 03-10-2014, 01:53 PM

I like it.
But then I liked the original for its spontaneity.

Much as I adore poetry, in fact words in general, I have no patience myself in working on words.
So I admire.

Sundae · 03-10-2014, 01:58 PM

Treading on your thread a little.
But this was the best place to put it for you to easily find it.

The Doctor and I

We're perfect on the outside;
Well, we look wonderful from a distance,
But inside things are molten, spawning chaos, out of alignment.

Circling in space and in our beds, Ortho and I
Exert our own gravity.

Mine I use to draw people into misery.
Orthodoc spins heads and hearts,
Heals and mends and bides and tends.
And I bake bread and bitch.

But miles apart
The world is waking up. The long sleep is
Over.
No false dawn could draw this immeasurable surprise
From the base mud.

And like lambs,
Orthodoc and I face this uncertain future.

DanaC · 03-10-2014, 03:51 PM

Wow. Both of those are brilliant.

Quote:

Much as I adore poetry, in fact words in general, I have no patience myself in working on words

And yet, as is blindingly obvious to most of us, you're brilliant with words and have a poet's soul.

I still think you'd make an awesome travel writer. Nobody, but nobody, does travel reportage like you.

orthodoc · 03-10-2014, 06:25 PM

I love it, Sundae! And I agree with Dana - your travel writing is wonderful. You should seriously consider it.

Bloke · 03-14-2014, 06:35 PM

Good work, Sundae dudette! I'm crap at stringing words together at the best of times so it's nice to see how it should be done!

03-09-2014, 08:12 PM	#1
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Sundae and me I worked on this a little more ... comments/suggestions are welcome. It's a work in progress. Sundae and me It's Saturday and Sundae can sleep in and catch up on the sleep that Ortho doesn't get and neither has to wake up and listen to Wake Up to Money yet Sundae and Orthodoc both Watch black succumb to velvet blue Our common star rises in the East We both cleave to thoughts of you Memories flow north into the Gyre that warms The land that spawned us Small miracles occur in unlikely places Every hour is precious Another day and once again the Merkins lose an hour to Edison's greed We do not agree Any day that happens is a good day for Sundae and me __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi Last edited by orthodoc; 03-09-2014 at 09:09 PM.

03-10-2014, 01:53 PM	#2
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I like it. But then I liked the original for its spontaneity. Much as I adore poetry, in fact words in general, I have no patience myself in working on words. So I admire. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

03-10-2014, 01:58 PM	#3
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Treading on your thread a little. But this was the best place to put it for you to easily find it. The Doctor and I We're perfect on the outside; Well, we look wonderful from a distance, But inside things are molten, spawning chaos, out of alignment. Circling in space and in our beds, Ortho and I Exert our own gravity. Mine I use to draw people into misery. Orthodoc spins heads and hearts, Heals and mends and bides and tends. And I bake bread and bitch. But miles apart The world is waking up. The long sleep is Over. No false dawn could draw this immeasurable surprise From the base mud. And like lambs, Orthodoc and I face this uncertain future. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

03-10-2014, 06:25 PM	#5
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	I love it, Sundae! And I agree with Dana - your travel writing is wonderful. You should seriously consider it. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

03-14-2014, 06:35 PM	#6
Bloke Almost normal... Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: High Wycombe. Posts: 109	Good work, Sundae dudette! I'm crap at stringing words together at the best of times so it's nice to see how it should be done!

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