11/17/2003: Fijian apology rites

Undertoad · 11-17-2003, 01:43 PM

In 1867, British missionary Rev. Thomas Baker set foot on Fiji, intent on teaching the natives a bit of the old-time religion. The natives set upon him and, perhaps confused over that whole "body of Christ" thing, ate him and his whole team.

Sadly, since then the community is wracked with guilt, and they really wonder whether it was a bad idea to eat the guy, and maybe they should have just told him they were not interested and maybe he could try the island next door.

In fact, many believe that their community is still cursed. And so they developed this huge elaborate apology ceremony, in which guys like the above carry traditional war axes and look real fierce but will not eat you under any circumstances.

I mean, you think 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror is bad. It's been 136 years and so far even the children's children's children's children are affected.

Well, hopefully the apology will work this time and this little village can get on with its life.

I'll bet they're vegans.

DNK · 11-17-2003, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Undertoad
[I'll bet they're vegans.

Stupid vegans.

Beletseri · 11-17-2003, 01:59 PM

This is only the third apology and it sounds like it might work this time.

http://news.findlaw.com/ap_stories/i...064501_16.html

Jacque Strapp · 11-17-2003, 02:29 PM

Boy, those British missionary spirits sure are vengeful! 136 years of bad luck for a few cannibalizations seems awfully steep on the retribution scale.

Elspode · 11-17-2003, 02:33 PM

Jehovah is not keen on anyone else carrying out atrocities besides He and His chosen minions.

What I read about this didn't indicate that the islanders were performing the ceremony out of a sense of guilt, but rather that they were hoping to lift the apparent "curse" which has kept progress from coming to their village.

wolf · 11-17-2003, 10:43 PM

Mebbe they should just let Walmart build, and take up a collection and get cable for the community longhouse (or whatever the Fijians have).

Oh, and trying teeshirts and jeans instead of using grass for clothing tends to enhance progress.

You can't get much in the way of innovation going while running around stark naked. You could get something sensitive caught in the gears and cogs of progress.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-17-2003, 11:27 PM

I read the axe pictured being used in the ceremony is *the* axe that whacked the Rev.

Stonan · 11-18-2003, 10:46 AM

Considering the atrocities carried out 'in the name of Christ' (eg. Spanish Inquisition, Crusades, etc) this was the correct response. These people should consider themselves 'blessed' that progress hasn't 'raped their land and enslaved their people'

russotto · 11-18-2003, 12:40 PM

If they still have 'The' axe, they should stop this apologizing crap and sell it on eBay. That will get them enough seed capital to make progress on their own.

Rose · 12-17-2003, 02:48 PM

if that is *the* axe, then it sure has held up nicely over time.

quzah · 12-17-2003, 06:25 PM

I wonder if you can hire those people. Envision if you will...

A nice little house, with a picket fence, flowers on each side of the walk. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. It's the perfect day for a bike ride. Brother Jon and Brother Mark hop off their bicycles and open the white washed gate. They proceed up the nicely swept walk as it snakes its way through the perfectly kept lawn.

Oddly, Brother Mark notices a small grass hut off to the left about ten paces. Curious, he steps off the walk for a closer look. That's when Brother Jon spies the sign.

It's not like the ordinary signs they're used to; "Beware of dog", "Keep off grass", "No Soliciting", that sort of thing. This one hints of something sinister, which causes Brother Jon to pause.

"Do not thump your bible on my door. You will be killed and eaten."

Quzah.

wolf · 12-18-2003, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by quzah
"Do not thump your bible on my door. You will be killed and eaten."

I may actually have to get one of those made for my door.

JeepNGeorge · 12-18-2003, 02:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by quzah

"Do not thump your bible on my door. You will be killed and eaten."

Quzah.

I sense a money making deal! What if I can get our machine shop to turn out some nice metal signs with that phrase on it. How much of the cut will you want?

11-17-2003, 01:43 PM	#1
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	11/17/2003: Fijian apology rites In 1867, British missionary Rev. Thomas Baker set foot on Fiji, intent on teaching the natives a bit of the old-time religion. The natives set upon him and, perhaps confused over that whole "body of Christ" thing, ate him and his whole team. Sadly, since then the community is wracked with guilt, and they really wonder whether it was a bad idea to eat the guy, and maybe they should have just told him they were not interested and maybe he could try the island next door. In fact, many believe that their community is still cursed. And so they developed this huge elaborate apology ceremony, in which guys like the above carry traditional war axes and look real fierce but will not eat you under any circumstances. I mean, you think 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror is bad. It's been 136 years and so far even the children's children's children's children are affected. Well, hopefully the apology will work this time and this little village can get on with its life. I'll bet they're vegans.

11-17-2003, 02:29 PM	#4
Jacque Strapp Romantic Necromancer Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 29	Boy, those British missionary spirits sure are vengeful! 136 years of bad luck for a few cannibalizations seems awfully steep on the retribution scale. __________________ \|End of Line\|

11-17-2003, 02:33 PM	#5
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Jehovah is not keen on anyone else carrying out atrocities besides He and His chosen minions. What I read about this didn't indicate that the islanders were performing the ceremony out of a sense of guilt, but rather that they were hoping to lift the apparent "curse" which has kept progress from coming to their village. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

11-17-2003, 10:43 PM	#6
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Mebbe they should just let Walmart build, and take up a collection and get cable for the community longhouse (or whatever the Fijians have). Oh, and trying teeshirts and jeans instead of using grass for clothing tends to enhance progress. You can't get much in the way of innovation going while running around stark naked. You could get something sensitive caught in the gears and cogs of progress. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

11-17-2003, 11:27 PM	#7
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I read the axe pictured being used in the ceremony is the axe that whacked the Rev. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-17-2003, 01:59 PM	#3
Beletseri Yeah sez you Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 206	This is only the third apology and it sounds like it might work this time. http://news.findlaw.com/ap_stories/i...064501_16.html

11-18-2003, 10:46 AM	#8
Stonan Do-er of Deeds Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Cloverdale, British Columbia, Canada, Earth, Universe #42 Posts: 41	Considering the atrocities carried out 'in the name of Christ' (eg. Spanish Inquisition, Crusades, etc) this was the correct response. These people should consider themselves 'blessed' that progress hasn't 'raped their land and enslaved their people' __________________ Jesus got it wrong by one letter: The Geek shall inherit the earth...

11-18-2003, 12:40 PM	#9
russotto Professor Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 1,788	If they still have 'The' axe, they should stop this apologizing crap and sell it on eBay. That will get them enough seed capital to make progress on their own.

12-17-2003, 02:48 PM	#10
Rose Recruit or Something Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: In Your Heart Posts: 4	if that is the axe, then it sure has held up nicely over time.

12-17-2003, 06:25 PM	#11
quzah Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 375	I wonder if you can hire those people. Envision if you will... A nice little house, with a picket fence, flowers on each side of the walk. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. It's the perfect day for a bike ride. Brother Jon and Brother Mark hop off their bicycles and open the white washed gate. They proceed up the nicely swept walk as it snakes its way through the perfectly kept lawn. Oddly, Brother Mark notices a small grass hut off to the left about ten paces. Curious, he steps off the walk for a closer look. That's when Brother Jon spies the sign. It's not like the ordinary signs they're used to; "Beware of dog", "Keep off grass", "No Soliciting", that sort of thing. This one hints of something sinister, which causes Brother Jon to pause. "Do not thump your bible on my door. You will be killed and eaten." Quzah.

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