SCREAM WITH ME

NICOTINEGUN · 08-30-2005, 02:30 AM

Do you scream and are you heard from beyond that dry river bed you once swam in and do those faces surround you in sharp mist and ugly black spaces?

Do you know what lies beyond the curtain and it's velvet waves? Have you seen those fields and oceans and do you know why Eden was bliss?

Is there anyone out there who has taken the spoon from the hand that feeds, thrown it to the floor, spit out the unchewed feed, and eaten with your own hands?

Where are the golden children that Uncle Jim promised us when he poisoned pages with India ink and spoke with that rust colored breath and tongue, broken dagger teeth?

I remember rumbling through the town in that old blue truck,
Autumn leaves spitting up from tires like dead, soggy fire.

the back seat filled with beer, crushed cans, empty cans of Skoal..

A big game that night, we lost and celebrated youth from house to house

from beauty to beauty, queen to queen

India ink by candlelight, deep into the hours of the night,

creating drama for my god.

Where have I ended that my rivers are so dry and bare of ink and rain?

This place is bone, crevassed with empty places,

My mood is skeleton.

If you're going to scream,

scream with me.

wolf · 08-30-2005, 10:45 AM

Angus is going to be SOOOO jealous.

Trilby · 08-30-2005, 12:47 PM

We should introduce NicotineGun to Mystic R! Maybe they already know one another. Maybe they've the same dealer?

wolf · 08-30-2005, 01:10 PM

Except that NG can actually write and knows how to spell.

mrnoodle · 08-30-2005, 03:01 PM

NG's submission is good, I think. rust-colored breath and tongue, broken dagger teeth. that's vivid.

The second 2 grafs could go, IMO. the rest evokes a mood and uses good imagery, but those two are kinda goth-attentionwhore.

thus ends my professional poetry analysis.

Elspode · 08-30-2005, 04:40 PM

I like it.

BigV · 08-30-2005, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NICOTINEGUN

...
If you're going to scream,

scream with me.

Here's your man.

courtesy of mrnoodle

Queen of the Ryche · 08-30-2005, 10:18 PM

I like it too.
But I LOVE the Rawker! Holy crap! How long did he go on thinking he was actually talented?

NICOTINEGUN · 08-31-2005, 10:31 AM

I appreciate everyone looking over my words. Honestly, I was listening to the Misfits and it all came out. If you liked it good, if you didn't that's fine too. All that matters is that you took a few minutes and thought about it. As far as the comment about the "same dealer," I'm not sure how to take that. I assure you I am perscribed the best medication the state can afford.

Trilby · 09-01-2005, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NICOTINEGUN

As far as the comment about the "same dealer," I'm not sure how to take that. I assure you I am perscribed the best medication the state can afford.

I like a crazy nut with a sense of humor

08-30-2005, 02:30 AM	#1
NICOTINEGUN Resident President Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 82	SCREAM WITH ME Do you scream and are you heard from beyond that dry river bed you once swam in and do those faces surround you in sharp mist and ugly black spaces? Do you know what lies beyond the curtain and it's velvet waves? Have you seen those fields and oceans and do you know why Eden was bliss? Is there anyone out there who has taken the spoon from the hand that feeds, thrown it to the floor, spit out the unchewed feed, and eaten with your own hands? Where are the golden children that Uncle Jim promised us when he poisoned pages with India ink and spoke with that rust colored breath and tongue, broken dagger teeth? I remember rumbling through the town in that old blue truck, Autumn leaves spitting up from tires like dead, soggy fire. the back seat filled with beer, crushed cans, empty cans of Skoal.. A big game that night, we lost and celebrated youth from house to house from beauty to beauty, queen to queen India ink by candlelight, deep into the hours of the night, creating drama for my god. Where have I ended that my rivers are so dry and bare of ink and rain? This place is bone, crevassed with empty places, My mood is skeleton. If you're going to scream, scream with me.

08-30-2005, 10:45 AM	#2
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Angus is going to be SOOOO jealous. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-30-2005, 12:47 PM	#3
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	We should introduce NicotineGun to Mystic R! Maybe they already know one another. Maybe they've the same dealer? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

08-30-2005, 01:10 PM	#4
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Except that NG can actually write and knows how to spell. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-30-2005, 03:01 PM	#5
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	NG's submission is good, I think. rust-colored breath and tongue, broken dagger teeth. that's vivid. The second 2 grafs could go, IMO. the rest evokes a mood and uses good imagery, but those two are kinda goth-attentionwhore. thus ends my professional poetry analysis. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

08-30-2005, 04:40 PM	#6
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I like it. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

08-30-2005, 10:18 PM	#8
Queen of the Ryche is fleeing the scene Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Beautiful CO Posts: 1,510	I like it too. But I LOVE the Rawker! Holy crap! How long did he go on thinking he was actually talented? __________________ Once, in an interview, Chuck Norris admitted that he was not the most awesome thing ever. He declined to elaborate; but I believe we all know that he was referring to the existence of chocolate covered bacon. I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.

08-31-2005, 10:31 AM	#9
NICOTINEGUN Resident President Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 82	I appreciate everyone looking over my words. Honestly, I was listening to the Misfits and it all came out. If you liked it good, if you didn't that's fine too. All that matters is that you took a few minutes and thought about it. As far as the comment about the "same dealer," I'm not sure how to take that. I assure you I am perscribed the best medication the state can afford. __________________ Hurricanes are racist!

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