insecurity

[anonymous]

i am in a great relationship
three years now
very serious
how do i battle the insecurity i have about my significant other
i feel it is a personality trait as opposed to something sparked from i constantly call back trying to get things solved but it often makes things worse
my significant other (although there was this one huge event where i did not hear from my s.o. for a whole week {that is a much longer story} and maybe that huge uncertainty void influenced me for good)
i have little to no feelings that my significant other would cheat on me
but my significant other's friends do some things that raise my eyebrow

if we argue or we're on the fone and i get hung up on i get really upset and call back for a while dependently
and it makes me very steamed off when my s.o. just shuts down when we're having a problem and doesn't talk or try to mend things
we're opposites in this sense because my s.o. says they just need time and i just want to fix things on spot
go figure

i am and have been trying to become much better at being less needy and clingy, but i still some issues obviously

these are just chronic problems that have been in our relationship the whole time
nothing that's going to seriously drive us apart but it needs to be fixed or at least dealt with better than it has been
how do i overcome this insecurity
my feelings and emotions are really at a discomfort if there are problems between us
i wish i was more independent and could still function during fights and worries
but i'm definitely not there yet

[LJ]

manage your expectations

and proof read

[Aliantha]

There are disagreements about all sorts of things in any relationship, no matter how much you love the other person. The fact is, if two people always agree, they're probably not being honest about how they feel...or at least one of them isn't.

Don't stress out when things don't go exactly as you think they should. Don't stress out if your SO needs time to cool off. Don't stress out if he is short with you.

If he/she hangs up on you, don't call back. Let him/her be. I agree it's rude and frustrating when someone hangs up on you, but usually it only happens if they've run out of things to say and you keep repeating what you've already said. If they do it for no reason, then maybe your SO isn't such a great person. Only you know the answer to that.

Basically, in a relationship, there should be a fair amount of smooth sailing which should well and truly outweigh the choppy stuff. If it's not like that, you probably need to ask yourself what you're doing in the relationship.

[shina]

Get a hobby. Hang out with friends. Go for drinks with co-workers. Build up your self-esteem. Join a club. I think when you focus more on you, then your insecurities may just show themselves as being unfounded. Just something to think about.

[aimeecc]

Originally Posted by anonymous

i am in a great relationship
three years now

Originally Posted by anonymous

these are just chronic problems that have been in our relationship the whole time
nothing that's going to seriously drive us apart but it needs to be fixed or at least dealt with better than it has been
how do i overcome this insecurity
my feelings and emotions are really at a discomfort if there are problems between us
i wish i was more independent and could still function during fights and worries
but i'm definitely not there yet

If you have chronic problems, is the relationship really that great? Or do you stay in the relationship for fear of being alone?
A lot of people stay in a relationship because they fear being alone. What they don't realize is that you can be happy alone. And you can find someone that you will have a better relationship with.

My husband and I have had our bumps along the way. We have so much in common... yet can disagree on so much. But we love each other, and we want to make each other happy. That's the key - we want to make each other happy. Nothing makes me smile like seeing him smile. Its not just that I do things to make him happy, its that I want to do things that make him smile, and he wants to do things to make me smile.

It sounds like you s.o. doesn't value your happiness. If he/she doesn't, you need to. And you need to define what will make you happy. You can't make your s.o. change, so either you need to find a way to be happy within this relationship, or you need to move on.

And yes, I know, its hard. Always easier said than done.