I'm about to become a morsel in the banquet of love!

[SamIam]

I should have known that my escapades in the Senior Cowboy on-line dating site would not go either un-noticed or unpunished by the gods! I should have been satisfied to get out with merely a humerous story and paid attention to my intuition which warned me that while I might have survived my first encounter with FaceBook, going there twice was inviting bad juju to leap out at me at any moment.

Today the juju struck. It not only lept - it jumped, hopped, sprang, skipped, capered, and pranced.

My motives were pure as the driven snow. I clicked onto FB merely because I wanted to send a PLATONIC male friend a cute video I had managed to capture him on.

While I was deep in FB's inner corridors, I happened to think of Jarah, a young woman I remember fondly and haven't been in touch with for years. I figured that since the entire population of the US is on FB, she would be, too. Alas, I entered her name and didn't find her. I wondered if she'd been abducted by aliens. Hmmmmm...

I glanced through the list of people with her same last name. Then I saw it - the name Glen E. accompanied by an all too familiar smiling face. Glen is Jarah's father and incidentally the man I had a passionate, completely doomed affair with 7 or 8 years ago. I had actually thought he was dead. Still skeptical that he really existed, I thoughtlessly sent him an IM, asking if he was "my" Glen.

He was online and replied immediently, letting me know how he had given up ever finding out where I was, and he was delighted to be in touch at last and that he loved me as much as ever.

Seeing as how the last time I saw Glen, he climbed into another woman's car and drove away with her forever (or 7 years, anyhow), I regarded this last statement in the nature of a warning.

Still, I let him wheedle my phone number out of me. He called earlier this evening and we talked and talked. It was like old times - like we'd never been apart. Any other of my ex's - sure there would be a hint of the old magic there with a couple of them, mere curiosity with most, and a slammed phone with at least one.

But Glen is my weakness. I can remember every rotten thing he ever did and invent excuses for him. We were going to get married, so I quit my job to home school Jarah. Glen became the sole wage earner and he made good money which he showered on me and Jarah. I loved them both, and Jarah and I were good friends. Glen and I planned to marry in January and honey moon in the Baja. The Chris Isaack CD - Baja California - which came out around then had all "our" songs.

Glen and I had nearly identical tastes in music, the same irreverent attitudes, we laughed together and wrote poems and stories together which we were always handing back and forth. When Glen would glance up and see that I had entered the room, he would smile a smile that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle and me go weak in the knees.

Then Glen came home from work one Friday evening - it was Halloween. I'll never forget that day.

The old furnace in the house had gone out, and Jarah and I were bundled up in sweators, waiting all day for Glen to return and fix that furnace. Instead, Glen walked into the living room, stopped and looked me in the eye and said, "I just can't do this anymore," turned and walked out. Forever. I was left with no money, no job, no heat, no Jarah (she had to go back to her real Mom), and no Glen. Never been so devastated in all my days.

There's more stuff too, but you get the gist. Anyhow, life went on and I survived. Now Glen wants to come visit me here in Cortez - at the moment, he's doing some work for his bro in Arizona. He also told me that he might be able to give me a car (if I had all the cars people have been talking about giving me lately, I could open my own used car lot!)

I have zero expectations of Glen at this point. But I'm strongly tempted to let him come up for a visit. It will probably take me the rest of the year after he leaves to recover.

Any thoughts? Sorry this was so long.

[morethanpretty]

Without knowing more details, my first instinct is a big fat NO. A man that broke your heart that bad the first time, you really want to give him another chance to do it again? This is not the movies, people rarely change for the better. You probably want this so bad you're trying to convince yourself that its all OK, but the fact that you are posting on here shows that you know better.

*Hugs*
Even though I may be young, I know how hard it is to stay away from a person that you're so deeply attracted to, even when you know the whole time that its a bad idea.

[DanaC]

Sounds a dangerous situation to me.

What happened to the woman he went off with? How'd that end? How many women has he walked out on? Seven years have gone by and now what? He's got a space in his diary for you now?

Sorry if that sounds harsh. It isn't meant to.

[Trilby]

you have to ask yourself - do I really want to be just a morsel in this feast we call love? Or do I want to be the main course?

are you the wilting parsley, an afterthought, a mere morsel or are you the juicy good filet mignon????

[Undertoad]

Then she sighed as she whispered "mañana"
Never dreaming that we were parting
And I lied as I whispered "mañana"
For our tomorrow never came

[plthijinx]

i tend to agree with everyone else. i just got screwed over just before the holidays when my girlfriend decided that she was going to dump me and go back to her ex-boyfriend. we had a damn good relationship or so i thought. playing with fire sam. i don't recommend it.

[skysidhe]

When my lightweight ex boyfriend walked out on me, I let him. Two years later,he sees me the college parking lot and walks straight toward and gives me a hug. He always makes me smile and laugh but I had to be firm. Instead of returning the hug, I said, "Shouldn't you be kissing my feet instead?" Ignoring that because my eyes were crinkling with amusement and my voice held no rancor,he said, "It only seems like just yesterday since I saw you last." Smiling I said, " I haven't missed you either." He told me he was here giving a ride to someone he was dating. I told him he better treat her right. He showed me his new car and I showed him mine. I asked him to trade his Jaguar for mine, for old time sake as he is caressing the steering wheel.We laughed and chatted like old times, then parted. Long story short, I didn't give him my new number or address. It was the right thing to do because he is a totally lovable old flake.

[footfootfoot]

Something like this:
http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php?t=24267

[Shawnee123]

The wily ones will always wheedle their way back in...even if you are just checking to see if that's him on FB and if he is still alive.

Big lightbulb over his head "OH, why did I ever leave her?" he might be saying. He might actually feel that. But his track record shows that such feelings are fleeting. Some people can't hold on to things long term. It gets too heavy, or too hard, or...most likely, too easy. They're like the proverbial thing you set free, except what that proverb fails to mention is that if they're flying about so haphazardly to begin with, they will need to fly about again.

[Stormieweather]

Having tried it multiple times, with different people, I can honestly say that "you can't go back". You can move forward sometimes, but you will both still be who you are. He showed you who he is when he walked out without an explanation. That's who he is. Believe him.

[Glinda]

Oh, please don't. Just don't.

[Pico and ME]

Sometime it takes another go 'round to finally once and for all get him out of your system...unfortunately. I used to be pro at that. I don't really recommend it, though.

[Sundae]

I thought I saw the Evil Ex at London Victoria on my way home this Monday.
And I was all ready to go up and say hello!
I can only blame the 12 hour journey.

Luckily it turned out to be someone who looked nothing like him when I saw his full face. I shudder that I even considered it. He would certainly not have tried to seduce me, but the fact I would have been friendly to a man who never treated me as if I was worth the effort of friendship is a sad indication of how far I have not come.

Stay away Sam.
Pretend it didn't happen.
Attraction isn't really worth shit - we are betrayed by our own hormones.
It's only worth anything when the attraction is coupled by love and/ or friendship.

[DanaC]

Even if there is love and friendship. If there is not also emotional reliability, then it's a dangerous attraction.

As Stormie* so rightly pointed out: he showed who he was when he walked out without warning or explanation, stranding you in financial straits and completely disrupting his daughter's life into the bargain. I wonder if he warned her mother?

Unfortunately, the person whose eyes crinkle when he smiles at you, and who so solicitously made you happy for the years you were together is also the real him.

This is a lethal combination.

The reason he is so convincing and able to get through your defences, may be because he really feels it. But there is absolutely no reason to think, and every reason not to, that he will feel that way in six weeks, six months, or six years time. And the way he feels when he walks out on you again ('cause it will happen) will be just as real as the way he feels when he declares his undying love.

Might as well set your store with the wind as trust this man with anything more than 'hello'.

Again, I am sorry if this seems harsh. But you are worth sooo much more than this. And it is encumbent upon us as your mates to make that absolutely clear.

(*Hi Stormie! have you been gone, or have I just missed your posts 'cause I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!)

[kerosene]

Having never really done the go back several years later thing, I can't say I have any experience. I can see why it would be tempting. Memories have a way of seeming so benign the further back they are. There was a reason you were with him in the first place, after all. I guess I don't really have enough information about why he left, or who he is or anything like that. I would say that what everyone else is saying is the sensible thing to do and probably the smartest as well. I would give it some time and if you have some small doubts, treat them as bigger ones.