Rapture poetry

monster · 05-20-2011, 10:12 AM

Rapture Fail or The Surprise Christian

Mowing the lawn, minding my own
Damn this indigestion
What on earth did I eat last night?
I feel nauseous. Must be the mower fumes.
Wait, what is the mower doing all the way down there?
Oh crap, I’m rapturing
How in the heck was I not
Bad enough?

infinite monkey · 05-20-2011, 10:13 AM

I'll repost my haiku here.

God had a rapture
And left me here with heathens.
Oh, hello Cellar!

monster · 05-20-2011, 10:17 AM

good. didn't want to be lonely. I likes ur haiku.

infinite monkey · 05-20-2011, 10:20 AM

Has the time for rapture come?
Wait a minute, I'm not done.
All I've done is drink the wine
Smoke the smoke
Stole a dime.
There's much more that I need to do
Before my time on earth is through.
I've lied I've cried I've gone ape wild
I grew up as unruly child.
And sure (in case you didn't know)
I have been known to kill hobo.
I was one time a raging whore
But there's something missing, something more.
So take me not, I've things to do.
What? Not me? BUT WAIT.

Boo hoo.

monster · 05-20-2011, 10:28 AM

Farewell, fundy freaks
Will you need some dramamine?
I don't rapture well.

HungLikeJesus · 05-20-2011, 10:33 AM

While waiting for inspiration, I'll re-post something I wrote a few years ago:

The traveler ascends
to find the vines entwined
like mating snakes,
rapped in hardwood trees embrace,
and while the cold clear sun does shine,
casts shadows on fair Mary's face
and lights the intimate landscape
of the risen world.

monster · 05-20-2011, 10:38 AM

There once was a Christian Fundy
Who gave away all of his money
When asked why this was
He said it’s because
I’ll be raptured away come Sunday.

monster · 05-20-2011, 11:05 AM

Look at you messing with that haiku crap
You need to come with us, do the rapture rap.
I’m funnin’ my words, not shaping turds
Seventeen syllables is way too nazi
You gotta let it flow and have a word party
We’re gonna float away like a fart in a whirlwind
If she’s hot you can bring yo’ girlfriend
No-one’s gonna tell me I can’t go
If my momma tries, I’mm’a slap that ho
End of the world –that’s a fuck yeah party
I got an uzi, c’mon, let’s start it.

infinite monkey · 05-20-2011, 11:06 AM

Imma let you finish, but Blondie had the best rapture rap EVER.

(Seriously, though, that was awesome.)

HungLikeJesus · 05-20-2011, 11:07 AM

Up skirts, up, up
I'll stay down here and watch.

monster · 05-20-2011, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HungLikeJesus

Up skirts, up, up
I'll stay down here and watch.

infinite monkey · 05-20-2011, 12:02 PM

What if
God held a rapture
for all the good people
And no one ascendeth?

footfootfoot · 05-20-2011, 12:40 PM

The Rapture is finally here
and the proof of god's love, we're told's beer
So, let's hoist a cold glass
but to cover our ass
keep drinking till we get the "All Clear"

Sundae · 05-20-2011, 12:59 PM

I will not ascend
Without my beloved cat;
Fuck your rapture God.

infinite monkey · 05-20-2011, 01:14 PM

Sorry 'Bout Ur Rapture
(a Petrarchan sonnet)

Rapture: 'tis a day to hark and then to rise
Harold's angels, you've heard tell
Will lead us out of earthly jail
To bear witness to His heav'nly eyes

Alas! Alack! Some will not go
Forth to the great beyond
They'll awaken to a darkened dawn
Such shall be your fate, you filthy ho.

05-20-2011, 10:12 AM	#1
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Rapture poetry Rapture Fail or The Surprise Christian Mowing the lawn, minding my own Damn this indigestion What on earth did I eat last night? I feel nauseous. Must be the mower fumes. Wait, what is the mower doing all the way down there? Oh crap, I’m rapturing How in the heck was I not Bad enough? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-20-2011, 10:17 AM	#3
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	good. didn't want to be lonely. I likes ur haiku. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-20-2011, 10:28 AM	#5
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Farewell, fundy freaks Will you need some dramamine? I don't rapture well. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-20-2011, 10:33 AM	#6
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	While waiting for inspiration, I'll re-post something I wrote a few years ago: The traveler ascends to find the vines entwined like mating snakes, rapped in hardwood trees embrace, and while the cold clear sun does shine, casts shadows on fair Mary's face and lights the intimate landscape of the risen world. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

05-20-2011, 10:38 AM	#7
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	There once was a Christian Fundy Who gave away all of his money When asked why this was He said it’s because I’ll be raptured away come Sunday. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-20-2011, 10:13 AM	#2
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I'll repost my haiku here. God had a rapture And left me here with heathens. Oh, hello Cellar!

05-20-2011, 10:20 AM	#4
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Has the time for rapture come? Wait a minute, I'm not done. All I've done is drink the wine Smoke the smoke Stole a dime. There's much more that I need to do Before my time on earth is through. I've lied I've cried I've gone ape wild I grew up as unruly child. And sure (in case you didn't know) I have been known to kill hobo. I was one time a raging whore But there's something missing, something more. So take me not, I've things to do. What? Not me? BUT WAIT. Boo hoo.

05-20-2011, 11:05 AM	#8
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Look at you messing with that haiku crap You need to come with us, do the rapture rap. I’m funnin’ my words, not shaping turds Seventeen syllables is way too nazi You gotta let it flow and have a word party We’re gonna float away like a fart in a whirlwind If she’s hot you can bring yo’ girlfriend No-one’s gonna tell me I can’t go If my momma tries, I’mm’a slap that ho End of the world –that’s a fuck yeah party I got an uzi, c’mon, let’s start it. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

05-20-2011, 11:06 AM	#9
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Imma let you finish, but Blondie had the best rapture rap EVER. (Seriously, though, that was awesome.)

05-20-2011, 11:07 AM	#10
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	Up skirts, up, up I'll stay down here and watch. __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

05-20-2011, 12:02 PM	#12
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	What if God held a rapture for all the good people And no one ascendeth?

05-20-2011, 12:40 PM	#13
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	The Rapture is finally here and the proof of god's love, we're told's beer So, let's hoist a cold glass but to cover our ass keep drinking till we get the "All Clear" __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

05-20-2011, 12:59 PM	#14
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I will not ascend Without my beloved cat; Fuck your rapture God. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

05-20-2011, 01:14 PM	#15
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Sorry 'Bout Ur Rapture (a Petrarchan sonnet) Rapture: 'tis a day to hark and then to rise Harold's angels, you've heard tell Will lead us out of earthly jail To bear witness to His heav'nly eyes Alas! Alack! Some will not go Forth to the great beyond They'll awaken to a darkened dawn Such shall be your fate, you filthy ho.

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