My Evening as a Supporting Artist

[Sundae]

Today I went to a filming session for Psychoville, the new series written by two of my heroes Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith. This is the report I wrote for the fan website, although I've edited out some of the more fangirl stuff. I've been to a couple of filmings before, but this one was obviously special to me.

I had really bad bus karma on the way. We stopped at every single bus stop (I forgot it was school kicking out time) and also seemed to hit every light on red from Greenwich to the Elephant and Castle. Given that the doors were supposed to be shut at 16.30 SHARP I honestly thought I was going to get there and end up just pressing my face against the window, crying.

As soon as the bus stop I ran as well as I could - lurch, lurch - to the Theatre. At least I knew where it was and I was on the right side of the road.

Anyway, I got there at 16.32 by my watch, but to my immense relief that doors were still open! My word. I was a little red and sweaty however, a fact which was obviously noted by the lovely but slightly camp man who was standing alone in the foyer to take names. He reassured me that they were running 10 minutes late (of course they were!) and that I had time to cool down. He also fanned me with his clipboard and told me that I looked very sexy, so he was either very charming or very short sighted.

I was directed up two flights of stairs to a crowded, hot and mostly dark room. The lighting was at best atmospheric - it consisted of different coloured lights at one end slowly changing colour so that people’s faces spookily flashed magenta, cyan and green out of the gloom. I stood in pain for about half an hour until a young lady came and sat on the (locked) bar and introduced herself. Her name was Bea and she was the Third AD. She’s obviously been sent in to jolly us along, as most people had now been there an hour and some of the natives were getting restless.

She’d just got into her stride, talking about the parts of the sketch we were about to see and that Christopher Biggins wasn’t filming today but Reece was, as the Evil Queen (YAY!) and some dwarves etc etc And then thump thump gasp - a fellow SA had keeled over in the middle of the room. Bea went to minister to her and we didn’t see her again.

About 10 minutes later they started to usher us in to the theatre. Bea had already explained that we were up in the seating area, the floor was mostly equipment and cables except for a couple of seats they’d placed there, and the actors would be on stage. As we lined up to be seated in groups of 5 or 6 they asked for a group of people to go and sit at the front. I was pleased because a big group of people in front of me charged off, leaving me in the next group to be seated - I just wanted a nice sit down.

Then, magically, the chap taking the other group downstairs asked for a single. Never have I been so pleased to admit my solitary status. “Me!” I called and pushed my way through before anyone else could.

We were lead back downstairs and split into four groups according to height. The second tallest group was group 4 (no, not the security firm) and that was my group. As we walked down to the temporary seats in front of the stage (oooh - 4 rows, I’ll be ever so close!) I looked across and saw a slight figure in a close fitting but incredibly garish red and black dress. Hello Mr Shearsmiths! It helped to know he was playing the Evil Queen, because from a distance he wasn’t immediately recognisable as he had a black hood (snood?) completely covering his hair, like the queen in Snow White. I had a good long stare as we walked towards the stage. We were then seated, back to front. Group 4 at the front. At the front!

Now as soon as I sat down I could see there were no cameras on us, so I won’t be seen on the show. That’s okay - I was there for the Gents, not to be on TV. But it did mean that I was as close as I could possibly be to the actors. Which was good.

Before they started filming, Steve came in and joined Reece on stage. They both said a few words of thanks to us and said they hoped we’d have a great time and they really appreciated our help.

Reece was then left alone on stage while they made the final preparations. He was wearing a pair of slippers and had to put his (very high) stilettos on. He oofed a bit at how uncomfortable they were. He talked to those of us at the front, saying he didn’t know what to say when it started because he was making this bit up as he went along. He asked us to respond in panto style ie Oh No Your’re Not and She’s Behind You if he gave us the cues. He was really friendly and engaging. At one point he asked, “Do you think it’s a bit much?” gesturing at the dress. I immediately responded, “Are you in costume?” and he said, “Nerr, Ah’m just off to change” in almost a Papa voice.

We had been asked to start with a boo, but the silly audience hadn’t been told when to stop, so they didn’t. I did, because Reece started his line. And I have common sense, having been to a pantomime before. Sigh. Anyway, they were told just to boo/ hiss once and we went again. We did it two or three times - we booed, Reece said a couple of lines (different every time) then they cut. At one point looked down into the front row and said, “Where are you from?” to which I replied, “London” in a really squeaky voice. Weirdly, then he said, “Have you been on holiday?” which isn’t the next line, but he was thinking on his feet. I said no and of course he said, “Well your teeth are brown!”

Silence. Reece cracked up and they cut it. He then congratulated us (the four rows were the only ones he could talk to) because if they’d asked for complete and utter silence we’d have given the best reaction ever. He also shrugged and said, “That’s the best I’ve got!” Through all this he was obviously having a great time. Another time he started to ad lib about the curtains behind him. He said, “Oh do you like me curtains, I just got them from John Lewis, what do you think?” With everyone else sat there like blocks of wood I shouted out, “They’re rubbish!” which made the people behind me really laugh. Well, it’s what I would have said if I was there for real - you can’t hear smiles folks.

That was it for Reece’s solo part.

We had to film a scene where the Prince comes in to kiss Snow White, but she’s been knocked out and doesn’t rise. And then a curtain call, where we applaud the first two bows, then the curtains close and people start getting up to leave. They open again and people are left a bit embarrassed and sit back down. Reece gave us some special direction, “You’re ready to go, and then we come back again and you don’t want us to and it’s all a bit eggy.” Oh thanks Reece, I didn’t get that bit (it is quite possible some people didn’t of course, and they missed their cue to stand up and leave too).

We were then asked to go back upstairs and join the rest of the audience. When I got up there, Steve was sat with the rows of cub scouts they’d brought along from Muswell Hill and their scout master was taking a photo of him with them. He was chatting away to them quite happily, giving them a bit of direction. I was sat in the back row this time, and over to the extreme right, with empty seats beside me, so they are highly unlikely to use any of my reactions. What it did mean was that I was practically first out when they finished - more of that in just a bit.

This part was pure reaction shots. Laughing, confused, clapping enthusiastically, clapping half heartedly, boos and hisses, she’s behind you and oh no you’re not. Bea conducted this part again, but it was a little confusing. We couldn’t look at her as she was next to the camera (makes sense) but we couldn’t hear her direction once we were making a noise. So I’m sure some of it went on for far too long!

Steve thanked everyone again and told us there were sandwiches for us in the bar.

Sod the sandwiches - I hadn’t had a chance to say anything to Reece so I was determined to speak to Steve. Hurray! He was right behind me and I pounced. I was probably gabbling, but I thanked him for letting me come along, to which he responded thanking me of course. I said I’d had a great time and I couldn’t wait for the series. I then told him I was seeing Jeremy next Friday, which probably sounded massively over-familiar, but hey. And then said another thank you for everything “you four” have done and said they were all very talented. He seemed genuinely pleased and gave me a really cheeky grin. I shook his hand too. It sounds silly, but I am so familiar with his voice on the commentary that it’s almost a shock to find he has the same accent in real life. I’m so glad I didn’t say anything like that out loud (cringe!)

I did say I’d tell you in detail! Oh and as I was leaving I overheard two of the cubs. One was saying to the other, “Are you going to get your Mum to tape the third episode then?” so I guess that’s the one we saw!

The end.