Lighting the bulb of brilliance

[blue]

I just found out today that I don't much like most of my family. And I don't much care. But some of my perceptions got shot down like wet dogs off a submarine. Very eye opening, BUT a real downer.

My sister is basically an evil bitch, she treats me OK but nobody else.

My nieces (beloved niece) mother in law is an evil bitch, she was 20 years ago and is worse today.

A whole bunch of my sisters in law are evil bitches. I'm now the only one of few in 2 families that are in their only marriage.

One of my nephews beats his wife, badly too from what I hear. I'm thinking about beating his ass at Easter.

A whole bunch of my brothers in law are just pretty much just dumb assholes. And the 2 who aren't are almost insane.

Now I inherited most of this fucked up family, but got a few of my own blood in that mess as well.

I myself had WONDERFUL grandparents, a very good man (with alot of problems, mostly alcoholism) for a father, a very strict but very good man for a stepfather, and a pretty good mom. Some of the outlaw side of my family have become such good people that it almost brings me to tears when I think about them.

So, I'm feeling down and created this thread so some of you more well adjusted types can funnel your positive energy to me.

p.s. I'm good myself, I'm a bit of a dumbass at times but am a decent, kind, everyday kind of guy that I think does more good than harm.

[Griff]

You don't have to answer for anyone but yourself five eight. Keep looking for the good in these people but don't get caught up in their machinations. Nothing but positive vibes.

[lumberjim]

mmmmm....... machinations

[lumberjim]

As with any group of people you know, you start with 70% asshole to non asshole ratio. So it doesn;t sound like you're too far from the norm. You don't have to like it though. Just act like a bigger asshat than they do. Maybe you can scare some of them away. If you're not going to beat your nephew up, you could at least broach the subject......" So, Nephew, When are you going to stop beating your wife?" real casual like.....

That'll earn her a fresh one for sure!

Just start telling them what you think of them. Criticize them openly. sew dissent among them. Do things like......When you are talking to someone, and somebody else walks up, look at them and say, " Here he is now, why don;t you say it to his face?"...and walk away. That works best if there is already some distrust or friction between your victims. Fuck with them, blue, take em apart. and dont bother covering your tracks. At least you can have some fun manipulating them.

[Griff]

Yah, the wife beater is a special case. If your information is good, you're gonna want to do something there.

[Brigliadore]

I think its pretty common to not like large parts of your family. When I was younger I liked everyone in my family, but as I get older I find I have less and less tolerance for many of them and their bull shit. There are several of them I try and have little to no contact with.
When Alan and I got married I didn't want to invite one of my sisters to the wedding as frankly I am way over having to deal with her. There are always going to be people you hate, and unfortunately some times, those people are part of your family.

[tw]

Originally posted by blue58
I just found out today that I don't much like most of my family. And I don't much care.

Should you really wish to deal with them, then best to associate more one-on-one. Spend less time with the entire group. Dynamics inside a large group can complicate individual relationships. Right now, you must simplify everything - should you wish to resolve anything.

[lumberjim]

hey, blue......what the fuck does this topc have to do with it's title?

[blue]

Thanks guys, I'm trying to get in touch with my gentler side.

I made a few posts the last couple of days that were definately on my jerk side.

I need to make a vow or something so I stop posting when drunk or pissed.

I still don't like my family, but feel bettar about cellerulites in general.

[blue]

Oh, sorry Jim, I was gonna explain that.

[lumberjim]

Originally posted by blue58
Thanks guys, I'm trying to get in touch with my gentler side.

well, make sure you wear gloves!

I agree with tw. There's nothing worse than having to deal with the family when its a bunch of them against one of you. "Mano a mano" is always best. Sometimes you may need allies. Even one is better than none. My family, gathered together, used to drive me to drink. This was bad since they were all tee-totaling Southern Baptists. I almost subsided into solitary alcoholic despair. Then one night I discovered my cousin Sheila up in her room with a bottle of Jack Daniels of her own. We sat in her room and passed the bottle back and forth and exchanged family horror stories 'till dawn. Me and Sheila. Yeah. Neither of us ever went to a family reunion again. We were free.

[Elspode]

FWIW, *everyone's* family is composed of some proportion of jerks, assholes, evil bitches, drunks, loonies and just plain folk. Hell, my upstanding Christian, Deacon of the Church, pillar of the community father in law used to beat the shit out of my wife and her brothers...like, beatings that would get him thrown in jail nowadays. Good thing they don't know that at the county sherrif's office where he is a dispatcher.

My maternal grandparents were battling drunkards, my paternal grandparents gave my father up for adoption, but kept their other kids...when he was six. So he was a drunk who couldn't hold a job, but always dreamed of making the big killing in business. He's now bankrupt and living in a mobile home on the banks of the Sacramento River. My stepfather and his brothers sexually abused my half sister (which we didn't find out about until she was about 16 and he was long gone down the road), my mom had an affair with a married man when I was 10, one of my maternal aunts divorced her first husband, married another guy for 20 years, then divorced him and remarried the first one.

All this to say that there is nothing wrong with you...nothing that the rest of us don't deal with in our history, in our genetics and in those dark places in our minds that we are afraid to peer into.

A word of caution, though...boozing to excess is bad. I know, I did it for 25 years. I promise you, with all due love and respect, that it is bad if you do it too much.

So be good to yourself, man. And remember that you have another sort of family right here.

We're fucked up too, BTW.

[Beestie]

Suggestion. Move away. Far. Nothing cures family bullshit like miles.

You didn't say one way or the other but I'm hoping that your spouse doesn't put you in the middle of any of that or that you don't get drawn into it.

As far as nephew beating his wife, don't confront the guy - he'll just beat her more under the pretense that she told someone he was beating her. She needs the courage to leave him and stay left - focus your effort there - others feel free to disagree, amend or append this advice. All I know is that confrontation just makes it worse for the victim. However tempting it might be, it's not the answer.

Good luck and, if nothing else, just take some satisfaction that your relationship and present/future family is not as afflicted. Given the environment I grew up in I decided long ago that if I accomplished nothing else with my life, I would at least break the chain of violence in my family tree. I take much personal pride in having done that.

Tending your own garden well is the ultimate response.

[wolf]

Originally posted by Beestie
Suggestion. Move away. Far. Nothing cures family bullshit like miles.

Changing your phone number and unlisting it is cheaper.

Of course, there's always the chance that one of the few relatives you like will provide your contact information to the relatives you don't.

Sometimes the more persistant idiots will "drop by."

Shotgun pellets that miss but they feel pass through their hair tend to underline the point that this is not welcome.

The warning that the second barrel will be right online is usually unnecessary.