I bailed out my guitarist today

[Undertoad]

I bailed out my guitarist today.

As I write that sentence, I realize that the phrase "I bailed out my guitarist" may be one of the most common phrases in the English language.

Not really bailed out, so much as moved the money he needed to pay his fine from its source, to the family court offices.

So I go to the family court offices and give them the money for the fine, and they give me a receipt for the money and a ticket for him. An officer of the court comes down to explain what I'm to do next.

"Do you know how to get to the jail?"

"Uh.... mail fraud?"

So I have to drive a few miles away to where the actual prisoners are kept, to find that my guitarist will not be immediately released into my recognizance or whatever. I was hoping I could just pick him up, like a coat check, here's the ticket, OK here's your guitarist. Wait a minute. This is not my guitarist. Oh, you're right, you have ticket 84 and I've given you number 85. Here you are sir, number 84. Yes, this is my guitarist, thank you.

And then I could drive him back to his place, and we could joke about it along the way, and I could explain that killing his ex-wife would just be counter-productive and they would know it was you immediately.

But instead, the coat check lady explained that they were still booking him, and that it could take another 3 hours. I asked whether she could relay my phone number to him, in case he has no other way home. She explained that messaging is not a service they provide at the jail.