2010 Stella Awards

[classicman]

* SEVENTH PLACE *

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California , won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching .. There are more......

* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware , sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ...... oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was:
Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her -- are you sitting down? --- $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving.

[Lamplighter]

[Pico and ME]

Originally Posted by classicman

* SEVENTH PLACE *

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California , won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching .. There are more......

* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware , sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ...... oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was:
Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her -- are you sitting down? --- $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving.

ALL BS

Shame on you Classic.

[classicman]

So what - It was a joke email. I couldn't care less if they were true or not.

[DanaC]

They kind of stop being funny when you know they aren't real. Since the humour depends on a sense of 'you couldn't make it up' it being made up does make it smell of fail. I have no kinder way to put it :p

[classicman]

I didn't know they weren't real, and I don't care. I read an email and thought I'd share it.
Don't like it? Move the fuck on.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by classicman

I didn't know they weren't real, and I don't care. I read an email and thought I'd share it.
Don't like it? Move the fuck on.

I phrased it in what I hoped would be a humourous way. In what universe do you think I'd say 'smell of fail' in a serious point?

I wasn't suggesting you shouldnt have posted it. I was very specifically answering the idea that it's a joke email and it doesn't matter if they're true or not. It matters to the joke. That's all.

[Pico and ME]

Originally Posted by classicman

I didn't know they weren't real, and I don't care. I read an email and thought I'd share it.
Don't like it? Move the fuck on.

LOL. Don't like the response? Follow your own advice.

Or better yet, do a little fact checking first.

[skysidhe]

I told ya so.
Yes, it's not polite to say, "I told you so", but it is a good opener for saying, good to see you classic and missed you around here.

[classicman]

I got a fact you can check.

[Pico and ME]

...temper... temper

[classicman]

Jokes aren't true -

[skysidhe]

If blond jokes aren't true, then why does everyone laugh at them? ( blond joke )


When a blonde’s house caught on fire, she called the fire department. The fireman on the phone asked, “Can you tell us how to get there?”

She replied “Duh! Big red truck!”

[DanaC]

Those jokes are based on a shared cultural understanding of that particular stereotype: itself based on a very particular cultural phenomenon of early 20th century gender norms.

The person who constructed that email did so on a shared understanding that ridiculous cases come to court all the time and its humour rests primarily on the legitimacy of the cited cases.

@ Classic: again, this doesn't mean you fail, as you didn't know they were fake. I don't know about anybody else, but I rarely check humour pieces for accuracy. If it's tickled me, then it's tickled me and I may post. It just means that as soon as the nature of the cited cases becomes known it loses its humour.

[skysidhe]

Yeah, I know. I was going for humor. silly Lighten the mood, crack a smile, It was a dumb question because it was a blond joke. I used to be blond, I was blond until I was about 18 or so. so,No insult to blonds or seriousness intended.