What it means to be an American

[Undertoad]

What are our ACTUAL cultural values, the things that make us unique?

= Coffee. In fact, the entire society operates on it, in a circular fashion. We work hard at our jobs, so that we will have enough money to buy high-priced coffee to wake us up, so that we can work hard at our jobs.

If the coffee is interrupted, the entire model could break down. We are 100% dependent on foreign-grown beans, and should consider establishing a National Strategic Reserve.

= We smell great. Because by the time we're age 18, we will have seen approximately 2,000,000 TV commercials telling us that we smell bad and offering us chemicals to prevent it.

= We sit outside our houses. Special cheap furniture is available especially for the practice of sitting just outside your house, if you have a house. This activity is only done at dusk. At any other time of day, it is considered odd.

If you are seated outside your house at dusk, and a friend arrives, it is a common American practice to greet him or her by waving your drink and saying "Hey!"

= We pick up our friends at the airport. If someone asks if you can pick them up at the airport, just do it, don't grumble about it. Help someone out, will you? Have you seen the parking rates at the airport?

= We don't talk about how much we make. We don't know why, we just have a "thing" about it. Most people think "it was a workplace policy once, or something".

[skysidhe]

+ =


Video games become the substitute for playing outside.

TV becomes the the nanny.


Single parent households comprise fifty percent of modern families.

Where the hell is daddy.

Absent daddy = subsidized by welfare check.
( oh wait that was Clinton) Now they just starve.

We smile on photos. Our grandparents did not. Are we happier or do we just have better teeth?

[xoxoxoBruce]

We smile on photos. Our grandparents did not. Are we happier or do we just have better teeth?

When Grandma & Grandpa stood for a photograph they were warned to hold perfectly still....photo's were slow. A smile held for 30 seconds or more looks phony and forced....undignified.

I refuse to be a slave of those Coffee Barons. I'd rather get my caffeine the natural way...Diet Pepsi.

[MaggieL]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

If the coffee is interrupted, the entire model could break down.

Maybe...maybe not. I'd miss coffee, but there is a plethora of alternative fuels.
Hypercaffinated cocoa would be a real win.

Originally Posted by Frank Herbert-Mentat mantra from Dune

It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion...

Originally Posted by alternate version

It is by coffee alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire trembling, the trembling becomes a warning. it is by coffee alone I set my mind in motion...

[BigV]

Dear MaggieL:

Are you a Firefox user?

[MaggieL]

Yes. But I keep a lot of such things in my Cookie Jar Page.

[SteveDallas]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

= Coffee. In fact, the entire society operates on it, in a circular fashion. We work hard at our jobs, so that we will have enough money to buy high-priced coffee to wake us up, so that we can work hard at our jobs.

You could almost say the same thing about cars.

I thought of "Dune" too, but it was more along the lines of "The coffee beans must flow!"

[Ibby]

Your eyes don't go blue... just all twitchy and fast.

[xoxoxoBruce]

To be a true American you must have (a) pet(s) you treat like kids, spend way to much on, and bore people with their antics.


Oh,....... and not eat them.

[SteveDallas]

But Petrie is the only one who really understands me!! He deserves the cockatiel mansion and the bird masseuse.

[xoxoxoBruce]

It that what you told your wife you spent the money on?

[Griff]

= we drink vast quantities of Coors Light while watching NASCAR.
= we drink vast quantities of Pepsi while working.
= we drink vast quantities of water in bottles watching our kids play organized sports.
= we seem to have a lot of empty containers /metaphor

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by Griff

= we drink vast quantities of Coors Light while watching NASCAR.
= we drink vast quantities of Pepsi while working.
= we drink vast quantities of water in bottles watching our kids play organized sports.
= we seem to have a lot of empty containers /metaphor

ooh! Very good! You get an A!*






*and the sexual dalliance of your choice. No animals.

[skysidhe]

We work too much.

We sleep too little.

Double household incomes are the only way to get vacations.

[Kitsune]

Originally Posted by skysidhe

Double household incomes are the only way to own a home.

Fixed that.

We don't talk about how much we make, but we judge people by what they own and are able to buy.

We concern ourselves with the materials, not what people do with them. It is not where the person goes, but the car, not the music, but the pricey instrument, not the writing/images/code, but the computer hardware and how fast it is.

We strive to isolate people behind bars, both criminals (in jail) and ourselves (in gated, secure communities).

We set aside one day a year to remember those that fought for our freedoms. The rest of the year, we fight to give up those freedoms because we feel threatened.