tired of drama

bbro · 08-10-2006, 12:22 PM

Did you ever just wish your life was normal?? I am so emotionally exhausted these days from stuff that is going on with my boyfriend that I just want to sleep for days. I find myself on the brink of tears half the time because I won't let myself cry when I need to so it creeps out at other times.

Wow - I just read that and realized how it sounds. Before I get questions, no he hasn't done anything to me, it is just the situation that he is in and the fact that I am the only one who is making every effort to help him. Even his mother won't do anything. She isn't even nice to him on the phone and constantly bitches at him.

I wasn't trained to be a laywer!! I don't know what the crap is going on anymore! It's like I am in this big whirlwind that I can't get out of!!

Trilby · 08-10-2006, 01:28 PM

Maybe you should see a doctor? I recall a thread about your boyfriend and he's in jail, right? It must be hellish on you. So overwhelmed. If you don't have money there are Crisis Centers in every American city. Go there. What are you doing currently to keep yourself putting one foot in front of the other?

My thoughts are with you.

bbro · 08-10-2006, 01:56 PM

Currently, the only thing that is keeping me doing all this stuff is that if I don't, no one else will. No one cares enough apparently. I actually just got a letter from him that helped ALOT.

It's just that it seems like the world just wants him to rot in there when he should've been out last week. No one is really helping me at all. I never believed people when they said that the legal system sucks, but man does it ever! Meanwhile the junkie that lives next door to him that was on probation for drugs got caught with paraphanalia (sp?) in a well known durg neighborhood and was in there less than 5 days.

Thanks for your thoughts

Trilby · 08-10-2006, 05:45 PM

You're on a rollercoaster. First, you are despondent and overwhelmed, then, you get a letter from him and you're fine and it's all worth it.

Good luck.

xoxoxoBruce · 08-11-2006, 02:31 AM

Quote:

I actually just got a letter from him that helped ALOT.

Is that because he explained things you didn't know and had filled in the blanks with your imagination?

bbro · 08-11-2006, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Is that because he explained things you didn't know and had filled in the blanks with your imagination?

No, I know everything that he knows. It mainly said that he really appreciated what I was doing and that even though he was in there, he knows it won't be forever and that he is actually thinking about what he's been doing and what he wants to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

You're on a rollercoaster. First, you are despondent and overwhelmed, then, you get a letter from him and you're fine and it's all worth it.

No, I got the letter before I posted. I still feel overwhelmed. I will feel overwhelmed until this whole thing is done. It made me feel better because it made me see that he did appreciate the whirlwind I am in and that he isn't planning something stupid for when he gets out. He is going to get his life into shape and grow up. I still don't see an end to this yet. I have 2 more calls to make at least if not more before I even see an end coming and it's driving me nuts.

xoxoxoBruce · 08-12-2006, 08:39 AM

You have to come to grips with reality.
You can promise, threaten, cajole, wave your naughty bits or bake him cookies, but there is no future "we" without him doing his part.

You're being ready, willing and able just isn't enough, if he can't get his shit together. He's got to want it....he's got to do it.

Remember the third part ......the part about being smart enough to tell the difference between the things you can and cannot do anything about.

Knitting, goldfish training or learning the Bagpipes, will keep you occupied in the meantime.... it'll also teach you patience.

wolf · 08-18-2006, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbro

No, I know everything that he knows. It mainly said that he really appreciated what I was doing and that even though he was in there, he knows it won't be forever and that he is actually thinking about what he's been doing and what he wants to do. ...

No, I got the letter before I posted. I still feel overwhelmed. I will feel overwhelmed until this whole thing is done. It made me feel better because it made me see that he did appreciate the whirlwind I am in and that he isn't planning something stupid for when he gets out. He is going to get his life into shape and grow up.

Spending a lot of time around high recidivist criminals has taught me a number of things.

A couple of posts downstream from here you post things like "he doesn't know why he is there" and "his Parole Officer won't talk to me."

This tells me two things. First, the fact that he already has a Parole (not Probation) officer indicates that he is a career criminal. He has been in prison before, and instead of getting out and being put on probation, he is on Parole, which is a higher level of monitoring, and likely on a state or federal level of crime rather than county.

Second, his not knowing why he was placed in a correctional facility is bullshit. The rules of the game allow him to claim innocence or lack of responsibility, but everybody in jail or prison knows what their originating charges are.

You may derive some type of thrill for hanging out with a bad boy, but what's this doing to you?

bbro · 08-18-2006, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Spending a lot of time around high recidivist criminals has taught me a number of things.

A couple of posts downstream from here you post things like "he doesn't know why he is there" and "his Parole Officer won't talk to me."

This tells me two things. First, the fact that he already has a Parole (not Probation) officer indicates that he is a career criminal. He has been in prison before, and instead of getting out and being put on probation, he is on Parole, which is a higher level of monitoring, and likely on a state or federal level of crime rather than county.

Second, his not knowing why he was placed in a correctional facility is bullshit. The rules of the game allow him to claim innocence or lack of responsibility, but everybody in jail or prison knows what their originating charges are.

You may derive some type of thrill for hanging out with a bad boy, but what's this doing to you?

I'm sorry, I have not been clear and careful in my postings. He has a probation officer - I always get them mixed up (I always assumed there was no difference until recently). He was on probation for a DUI. He violated the probation and that is why he is in there, but he doesn't know why he is still in there. His PO promised him he would not be in jail past his total 90 days (Aug 1st)

Many times I have wondered what attracted me to him. It actually isn't the bad boy thing. I actually don't like it too much. He's gotten himself under control a lot since we started getting serious. I like what I see when he is just with me. He is kind, tender, loving, and makes me feel worth something. Like no one has ever done before. We have been through a lot in out soon to be 1 year together and no matter what we always seem to not be able to stay away. Everytime we may have had a fight or done something REALLY stupid (me), when we were back together it was better than before.

Sorry, I guess I am rambling now.

MsSparkie · 08-12-2006, 08:14 AM

I have backed away from a few men who were in my life and I'm just chilling. Healing up. It feels strange not to be at someone's beck and call, and have to shoulder their problems, with no appreciation.

But you could try it. Break away for a month. From where I'm sitting, I recommend it. I even feel a quilty pleasure from so much freedom!

Trilby · 08-12-2006, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsSparkie

IBreak away for a month.

bbro has waaaaay too much invested in him now. She is unable to break away.

bbro · 08-14-2006, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

bbro has waaaaay too much invested in him now. She is unable to break away.

It's not that I wouldn't break away, but if I do, then he will be stranded with no one to help him. I just can't abandon people like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

You can promise, threaten, cajole, wave your naughty bits or bake him cookies, but there is no future "we" without him doing his part.

You're being ready, willing and able just isn't enough, if he can't get his shit together. He's got to want it....he's got to do it.

this I do realize. That is why even though he wants to high tail it to where I am as soon as he can with all his wordly posessions, I told him that we are going to do this slow. He is going to wrok for a few months up there and settle everything he needs to, get a mode of transportation, then come down here for a little bit. Once he is here, he must find a job. If it all works out, we will see how it goes for a couple of months, then decide if that living situation is one we both want. If he won't do all of what I said, then it will not happen.

The basic problem now is that he is still in jail. He should have been out on August 1st, but no one can tell me why he is there. I am not paying hundreds of dollars for a lawyer, but from what I can see, that is the only way to get anything done. The pubic defenders office is unresponsive. His Parole Officer won't talk to me and the judge hasn't gotten back to me from whan I called on Friday. This is the situation that is bothering me. It just seems that when I get an inch, I am knocked back a couple of feet. The thing that I am finding the hardest to deal with is that no one seems to fucking care, but me.

Trilby · 08-14-2006, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbro

The thing that I am finding the hardest to deal with is that no one seems to fucking care, but me.

No one as in his family, etc., or no one as in the legal community? The legal community are like dogs...they only hear the high, long whistle of money.

bbro · 08-14-2006, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

No one as in his family, etc., or no one as in the legal community? The legal community are like dogs...they only hear the high, long whistle of money.

Well, his family isn't really the supportive type of family. His mother just constantly bitches at him and tells him she doesn't care if he stays in there for another 6 months. The legal community only wants money, but the public servants - judge, PO, anyone else - can't be bothered with it.

Trilby · 08-14-2006, 09:48 AM

Why has his family abandoned him? He screw them over once too many, or, are they just 'bad' people?

08-10-2006, 12:22 PM	#1
bbro Insert witty comment here Join Date: May 2004 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 2,182	tired of drama Did you ever just wish your life was normal?? I am so emotionally exhausted these days from stuff that is going on with my boyfriend that I just want to sleep for days. I find myself on the brink of tears half the time because I won't let myself cry when I need to so it creeps out at other times. Wow - I just read that and realized how it sounds. Before I get questions, no he hasn't done anything to me, it is just the situation that he is in and the fact that I am the only one who is making every effort to help him. Even his mother won't do anything. She isn't even nice to him on the phone and constantly bitches at him. I wasn't trained to be a laywer!! I don't know what the crap is going on anymore! It's like I am in this big whirlwind that I can't get out of!!

08-10-2006, 01:28 PM	#2
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Maybe you should see a doctor? I recall a thread about your boyfriend and he's in jail, right? It must be hellish on you. So overwhelmed. If you don't have money there are Crisis Centers in every American city. Go there. What are you doing currently to keep yourself putting one foot in front of the other? My thoughts are with you. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

08-10-2006, 05:45 PM	#4
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	You're on a rollercoaster. First, you are despondent and overwhelmed, then, you get a letter from him and you're fine and it's all worth it. Good luck. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

08-12-2006, 08:39 AM	#7
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You have to come to grips with reality. You can promise, threaten, cajole, wave your naughty bits or bake him cookies, but there is no future "we" without him doing his part. You're being ready, willing and able just isn't enough, if he can't get his shit together. He's got to want it....he's got to do it. Remember the third part ......the part about being smart enough to tell the difference between the things you can and cannot do anything about. Knitting, goldfish training or learning the Bagpipes, will keep you occupied in the meantime.... it'll also teach you patience. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

08-12-2006, 08:14 AM	#10
MsSparkie Curious Sagittarius Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 302	I have backed away from a few men who were in my life and I'm just chilling. Healing up. It feels strange not to be at someone's beck and call, and have to shoulder their problems, with no appreciation. But you could try it. Break away for a month. From where I'm sitting, I recommend it. I even feel a quilty pleasure from so much freedom! __________________ ~There is a forest in an acorn......

08-10-2006, 01:56 PM	#3
bbro Insert witty comment here Join Date: May 2004 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 2,182	Currently, the only thing that is keeping me doing all this stuff is that if I don't, no one else will. No one cares enough apparently. I actually just got a letter from him that helped ALOT. It's just that it seems like the world just wants him to rot in there when he should've been out last week. No one is really helping me at all. I never believed people when they said that the legal system sucks, but man does it ever! Meanwhile the junkie that lives next door to him that was on probation for drugs got caught with paraphanalia (sp?) in a well known durg neighborhood and was in there less than 5 days. Thanks for your thoughts

08-14-2006, 09:48 AM	#15
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Why has his family abandoned him? He screw them over once too many, or, are they just 'bad' people? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

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