Abusive boyfriend...

[pensive pam]

He did it again last night. He didn't shove me, but he came close. I believe that verbal violence is worse than physical. I know he may see this post, but that is ok. So let him make fun of me because I am deaf. Let him make fun of my cigarette stainded hands; as my flowers wilt away in the vase. He can make fun of my torn jeans, and worn out sweater too...

I know he views me as a 'gutter rat.' And many times, he has called me a whore...and now he calls me a loser because I am unemployed...

I wish I didn't care so much, but I do. I want him to think of me everyday and feel bad, ... but I know he will not. I know I am not the prettiest girl, but I do know that I am damaged...

[wolf]

Pam, I don't know a darn thing about you yet, other than that you can do better than him.

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by wolf

Pam, I don't know a darn thing about you yet, other than that you can do better than him.

I have a lot of feelings, yet I feel so trapped. I don't know how much more I can take. The other day I was on the train going out to Coney Island. There was a very pretty girl on the train, and she had flowers. I never get flowers. I wanted to rip those flowers out her little hands and destroy them. I wanted to rip off each petal, one by one, and the break the stems and throw them on the floor of the train. I was so jealous. There will be no flowers for me; and the only Valentine's Day gift I ever received was from my father...

Always - Pam.

[Clodfobble]

No offense Pam, but you sound like a creative writing project, not a real person. What are the actual circumstances of your situation?

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

No offense Pam, but you sound like a creative writing project, not a real person. What are the actual requirements of your writing assignment?

FTFY

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

No offense Pam, but you sound like a creative writing project, not a real person. What are the actual circumstances of your situation?

I am a real person, and so are my circumstances. I been pushed so far down, I don't know if I will ever recover, so where does that leave me??

What do you wish to know?? I will tell you. I am poor. All I own is a laptop, cell phone, and clothing. I do not have a TV, nor an IPOD. I do not wish to have those things anyway.

I really don't have anything but HOPE. So I don't mind putting on my sketchers sneakers, and backpack,...and wandering aimlessly around the city...without a destination... I am 'claimless.' Nobody wants to claim me... take care- Pam.

[Nirvana]

No offense Pam but you also sound like you need professional help.

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by Nirvana

No offense Pam but you also sound like you need professional help.

You do not know me, so please do not judge me. I do go for 'professional help' twice a week. I am making some progress, and hope for a better life.

Do you know what it is like wishing for true love, day after day, yet it is always someone else??? It's very hurtful for me. I am a very nice person, but perhaps a bit too trusting I guess...

[jimhelm]

if you're looking outside yourself for salvation, you shall go on wanting.

check out this thread if you have a moment.

and maybe read this book (for free)

[Nirvana]

Sorry if you post a thread ye shall be judged its one of the Cellar commandments

Your professional help does not seem to be helping you.

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by Nirvana

Sorry if you post a thread ye shall be judged its one of the Cellar commandments

Your professional help does not seem to be helping you.

It is helping, and I wonder how the decisions I make every day will affect my life. And to think that I was almost happy again???

I am getting used to this place, but I do not understand why words that are under my name, on the left side of the page, keep changing.

Who is doing that??

Always, Pam.

[Undertoad]

It's ok, that's automatic, and after a while you can set it to whatever you like.

[pensive pam]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

It's ok, that's automatic, and after a while you can set it to whatever you like.

Thank you Mr. Undertoad. But it called me a 'provoceteur.' I had to look that word up. It said something about being a writer or an artist. I don't understand why that word is under my name...

And why do the words keep changing??? I feel as though maybe I am not welcome here? Please help/explain if you can...

Thank you,
Pam.

[jimhelm]

it is an automated list of titles that changes as your post count changes. not every single time, but with decreasing frequency. and you are, of course, welcome hear. what?

[limey]

Welcome to the Cellar, Pensive Pam.
Undertoad has explained - it is an automatic feature of the bulletin-board software and after a while (a certain number of posts, I suppose, but I don't know how many), you can set it to whatever you like.