23 Adult Truths

[Aliantha]

I was going to put this in the humour thread, but I decided it needed its own.

I found it pretty funny and also almost completely true.

1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing.

[infinite monkey]

My favorites: #s 10, 11, 13, 18, 20, and 22.

Yep!

[footfootfoot]

very funny Ali, thanks

[Sundae]

Good fun Ali, but just to add my tuppence:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Our Maths teacher taught us that even if you have just checked your watch (something common in boring Maths lessons) if you are asked what the time is, you will look again. S'true.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Nothing sucks more than the moment you have become a bitch and denigrated a logical argument to a personal level. Being wrong can be forgiven, bringing up something that was supposed to be dead and buried is... ghoulish. Makes you revolting.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Not when you work in a school!

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
That was my attitude 100% and saved me a lot of grief as it happens.
Now? No-one calls. Serves me right.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
What? What-what?

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Word.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
What what what what??
I like working with childer. They are used to Grandparents.
It is totally acceptable to say "Speak up, I didn't catch a word of that!"
I suffered most as a teen, especially working on the checkout. I'd give up and just smile and nod and then the customer would say "So do I get some extra bags or not?" and the previous requests would fall into place.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
Nope. Always knock something over. Have learned not to have drinks on bedside table.

[limey]

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Paying very careful attention to this one has been a good strategy for me for the past year. If it's not hunger, I'll eat some fruit.

[infinite monkey]

People look at their 'watch' even when they don't have a watch on. A lot of people look at their imaginary watch when they are saying something like 'i leave in half an hour' or even 'she arrives in a week.'

[infinite monkey]

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

It's always appropriate, if you've made it as clear as you can without being rude that you really can't understand what they're saying and they don't bother to slow down or speak more clearly they just keep saying the same thing in the same speech pattern as if doing so will make your ears suddenly work better.

So, smile and nod...if you don't want to take the time to understand that I can't understand you then I don't care what you have to say, probably.

On the phone (and I hate phones) you replace the smile and nod with the "yeah...haha."

[classicman]

Love it Ali. I saw it on FB, but didn't read it all.

[Gravdigr]

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Our Maths teacher taught us that even if you have just checked your watch (something common in boring Maths lessons) if you are asked what the time is, you will look again. S'true.

I may have posted this before...

One of my many methods of self-amusement is, when in a public place, WalMart say, to watch until you see someone look at their watch, wait five seconds, then ask them for the time.

They almost always look again.

I've been doing this since before I could drive.

[plthijinx]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

I may have posted this before...

One of my many methods of self-amusement is, when in a public place, WalMart say, to watch until you see someone look at their watch, wait five seconds, then ask them for the time.

They almost always look again.

I've been doing this since before I could drive.

HA!! *snort!* hell don't even wait that long! i used to do it in the elevator!

i'm living proof of #10!

love #20!
thx ali!

[wolf]

24. Nothing good ever comes of asking someone to hold your beverage.

[ZenGum]

24. It doesn't really matter how many rail-cars there are on that freight train.

25. Vanilla is a flavour in its own right.

26. Goodness that policeman looks young.

[Beest]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

.

Ther should be a checkbox, hide local, so it doesn't show anything within 1 mile of the start point.

[it]

\

Originally Posted by Aliantha

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

speech-to-text subtitles app with a delay so that if you didn't hear what was said you can look down and appear to just be checking the time or something on your phone?

is there a market for that?

[DanaC]

I'm not sure if that wouldn't be considered more rude than asking for them to repeat themselves many times.