Learned Helplessness

[wolf]

So, we admitted this guy to the hospital today ... late forties, has some stuff going on, etc. etc.

Not an overly unusual case as far as that goes. Sad. Depressed. Suicidal. Needs hospitalization.

So, he's being admitted.

His kid shows up ... the son.

Kid is very distressed over dad being put in the hospital.

I'm not dealing with his dad at all, the crisis worker is ... but I'm available, so I end up talking to the boy.

Why is the boy so distressed (other than the obvious reason of dad being locked in the nuthouse for the next couple days?)

"I'll starve. There's no one to take care of me."

Mind you, these things are NOT said in a calm tone of voice. The kid's bawling his eyes out.

Panicked.

Sogging up his tee-shirt level of crying.

Big, made-for-Lifetime-TV, you just ran over my puppy sobbing.

"Starve?" I say. "Isn't there any food in the house at all?"

"There's like TV dinners and stuff. But I've never been alone."

"Where's your mom?"

"She's down the shore with my sister."

Great, I'm thinking at this point ... I'm going to have to get children and youth services involved for this child who thinks he's going to starve and be eaten by tigers.

"What am I going to do?? "

"Kid, we'll figure something out here."

"There's no food and I don't have any money!!"

"Kid, how old are you?"

"I'm *sob* *sniff* *sniff* twenty-one."

Two thoughts resulted from this information. The first was, "Outstanding! I don't have to call Children and Youth!! They are a pain in the ass to deal with!" The second thought was, "He did not just say he was twenty-one years old and incapable of feeding himself, did he?"

It does indeed get better ...

"What am I going to do, I don't have any money!"

"Kid, you're twenty one. Do you have a job?"

"Yes."

"So then you have money."

"No, I don't. I bought an '06 car. So I don't have any money ..."

*sob* *weep* *wail* *sob*

I ran out of professionalism at that point and handed him off to someone else.

[SteveDallas]

Well shit, why doesn't he just have the chauffeur fix him something to eat? Honestly.

HAHA! The lad is the merest pupster when it comes to creating sad stories. If he or another of his ilk darkens your doorway again and interrupts your throwing slinky at fan studies, I would suggest that you hand him a list of local food banks. Some places even serve up a hot cooked meal to all who show up. You might also mention to this young gentleman that showing up at the soup kitchen in his '06 car will not win him many friends (other than the professional con element).

On a more serious note, this just goes to show how mental illness can be passed down the generations. Whacko Dad, whacko Son. Whatcha gonna do? Beats me!

I myself must admit that it hard to shed too many tears since the young man seems to be shedding more than enough of his own.

[wolf]

Originally Posted by marichiko

On a more serious note, this just goes to show how mental illness can be passed down the generations. Whacko Dad, whacko Son.

If you're going to be serious, please be serious.

In this case only stupidity has been identified as being genetically transmitted.

I didn't, incidentally, say dad was crazy-crazy. I said he needed treatment.

Dad is not tearing apart walls looking for transmitters, he isn't building a landing pad for the venusians in his back yard, nor is he turning into a wombat on nights of the new moon. he's under an extreme amount stress, and it got to him.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by wolf

Dad is not tearing apart walls looking for transmitters, he isn't building a landing pad for the venusians in his back yard, nor is he turning into a wombat on nights of the new moon.

Those were the kind I liked. I could handle the ones looking for transmitters.

[melidasaur]

Having worked with University students for quite sometime, I can say that this young man is not a rare case. Many people between the ages of 18-21 have been so coddled that they can't do anything for themselves. It is very frustrating and it makes me concerned for the world.

If you have children that are this age or going to be this age soon - CUT THE FLIPPIN' CORD!

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by wolf

Dad is not tearing apart walls looking for transmitters, he isn't building a landing pad for the venusians in his back yard, nor is he turning into a wombat on nights of the new moon.

First off, I'd have to say this guy needs to get motivated. Oh, sure, it might take some time to work up to the wombat transformation, but he could easily be working on that landing pad in his spare time. A little concrete, some patio blocks, couple of klieg lights and a teaspoon of neutronium, and he's halfway there.

Stress is bad. Extreme stress is extremely bad. I've been there. Not pretty.

Originally Posted by wolf

If you're going to be serious, please be serious.

In this case only stupidity has been identified as being genetically transmitted.

I didn't, incidentally, say dad was crazy-crazy. I said he needed treatment.

What? You're never going PC on me, are you Wolf?

Fine, I'll be serious. I never said anything about genetics. It may have seemed that way, since I wrote "from one generation to the next." I apologize for my unclear wording. Environmental conditions play as greater or greater role in emotional dysfunction as genetics does.

I was merely commenting that a parent who lacks coping skills to the extent tha he finds himself having to spend several days on a psychiatric unit, has probably not been able to give his children adequate coping skills either. (I'm assuming the father was not recently held hostage at gun point or experienced some other extreme event that would put ANYBODY on the psych ward).

I was actually thinking of the ax murderer when I made my original reply. The A.M. was present for his eldest daughter's first three years of life - in fact, he was her primary care giver up to the time she was almost 4 - until the A.M. absconded with a younger woman and deserted his wife (then pregnant with his second daughter) and little girl. (I've been finding out all kinds of horrid information about the AM since I am trying to get together evidence for a case that the DA will accept). Anyhow, the daughter born AFTER the AM left seems normal in every way - in fact she excels. Got a scholarship to a private colllege, got accepted to med school, goes rock climbing, and has an active social life. The daughter raised by the AM in her 1st three years still lives with her mom at age 26, has a brand new car that she's afraid to drive anywhere, works in a video store, and has never been on a date in her life. Go figure.

There. Serious enough for you?

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by marichiko

HAHA! The lad is the merest pupster when it comes to creating sad stories.

I don't really need to say anything to make this funny, do I?

[grazzers]

Very strange.

Was that guy just ignorant or does he have something wrong (without going to the extent of calling him a wacko )

Seeing how he can buy a car I guess it's safe to say he's just an idiot.

[Perry Winkle]

All I can say is "Wow".

[Bullitt]

If I ever stand trial for anything, a guaranteed "jury of my peers" does not sound so appealing anymore...

[Cyclefrance]

So many confusing messages, particularly:

Originally Posted by wolf

"Where's your mom?"

"She's down the shore with my sister."

so his mother doesn't know a bout the father's situation?

"I bought an '06 car. So I don't have any money ..."

he has access to money and the ability to sign up for a new car?

Maybe he is just traumatised by what has happened to his father - he feels helpless and there is a strange logic in the way he recounts what is jumping into his mind as matters for immediate concern. The sequence of events shows no continuity as one might expect of someone who was otherwise mentally perturbed/deficient, but then thankfully who am I to really know...

Unnervingly strange....

[mricytoast]

Sounds like a case of Adult Fetal Syndrome, or whatever it is called. Kid needs to be taken care of. OR some of that uber-lax child raising, "I can't interfere with the child's development" for all who've been to the PETA thread.

[wolf]

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

so his mother doesn't know a bout the father's situation?

Yes, she does.

Somebody had to call the police to get this particular ball rolling.

Dad's stress came from somewhere, and it wasn't just the boy's overwhelming naivete.

And the situation is such that helpless young man doesn't want anything to do with his mother right now.

I can't get more specific than that.