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10-19-2007, 02:43 PM | #1 |
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Driving Miss Daisy.
Since I'm a very casual person, I generally encourage people to call me by my first name. But a certain percentage of people feel obligated to insert some type of honorific. So I often end up addressed as MizzLee.
It makes me feel weird, kinda creepy, like it's a subservient thing. Sometimes I get it from people I don't know, or even talk to on the phone--I got it from a state transportation Right of Way agent from Houston yesterday. Sometimes I get it from people I know--it took me years to break my son-in-law of the habit. He said it was a sign of respect for his elders. I'm not that fucking elderly! oh, and as for ma'am . . .
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10-19-2007, 03:22 PM | #2 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
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Sorry ma'am.
I *guarantee* it's my home training coming out. Better too formal than too casual. But both sides have to be comfortable with it. eta: While we're at it, I don't like your signature. kthxbai
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10-19-2007, 03:34 PM | #3 |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
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I still find it weird when people adress me as Councillor. Feels even weirder introducing myself as Councillor ******. I tend to rattle through that bit and follow it quickly with my first name, as if to say 'but please call me Dana'
[eta] There are times when dealing with people over the age of 65, when I am slightly hesitant about using their first names. I know for some people it's simply impolite. But I would never consider using Miss before their first name. I would just use Miss with their surname. |
10-19-2007, 03:51 PM | #4 |
I'm still a jerk
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Little Mexico
Posts: 1,817
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If your older than the person in question you are their elder.
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10-19-2007, 03:55 PM | #5 |
Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
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I know what you mean, Cloud.. as the joke goes, when somebody says Mr. Dallas, I start looking for my dad!
My advice is to accept Ms. or Miss or whatever, plus your last name. Look at it as a gesture of courtesy, which is what it is 9 times out of 10. (I'm talking about people you run into at work. Your daughter needs to buy her husband a clue... implying, however indirectly, that you're over the hill is not good in-law schmoozing!!) Feel free to invite them to use your first name, but remember that in this day and age anybody who actually uses a title without being told to probably does it because they feel it's "proper," and they may actually feel MORE uncomfortable using your first name. |
10-19-2007, 03:56 PM | #6 |
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10-20-2007, 10:45 AM | #7 |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
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I hate it when people tell their kids to call me Miss Monster or Mrs Beest without actually checking (a) what my name actually is and (b) if it's OK. I think that's discourteous. Also if people call me something and I correct them or tell them what I'd like to be called but they insist on repeating their error. That pisses me off. What's so tough about "your majesty, queen monster, supreme-being above all others"?
No-one has ma'am'd me for a while, or maybe I've stopped noticing. that was way weird when I first landed here (it's Madam in the UK and much less frequently used)
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10-20-2007, 10:56 AM | #8 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
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10-20-2007, 11:20 AM | #9 |
Vicariously, I live...
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,221
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I have alot of trouble calling my friend's parents by their first names as *I* feel that it's rude...but of course if they tell me they prefer it that way I get around it by...
only speaking to them when they're looking at me. I just *can't* do it, it feels wrong and makes me feel uncomfortable to call someone by their first name without having some sort of friendship with them personally. Even for kids my age I always wait until they've introduced themselves to me (even if someone else has already told me their name) before I use their first name to talk with them.
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10-20-2007, 11:34 AM | #10 |
I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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If I know your first name, I'll use it. Unless I'm pissed at you....then I might call you Mister so and so.
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
10-20-2007, 12:05 PM | #11 |
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
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I actually have a hard time using the first names of people I'm really close to, because it feels too formal. My husband is always "honey" or "sweetheart," and with all my friends I just say "Hey" to get their attention.
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10-20-2007, 12:49 PM | #12 |
When Do I Get Virtual Unreality?
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Raytown, Missouri
Posts: 12,719
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I use honorific terms with people I do not know, and pretty much whatever I feel like using when I become familiar with them. I was raised with pretty formal manners training, but use them only in the most appropriate situations. The rest of the time I'm actually pretty coarse, on purpose.
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10-20-2007, 12:53 PM | #13 | |
Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
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Quote:
. . . . but they are also supposed to use the first name when asked! |
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10-20-2007, 01:05 PM | #14 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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10-20-2007, 03:33 PM | #15 |
polaroid of perfection
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
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I usually make up names for my close friends and family. It was useful in the days of landline only phones, because if I said, "Hello Stevo" to my brother for example, it could only be me.
I've surprised my friends and colleagues in the past when giving my details in a formal situation. Firstly, many of them don't know/ forget my correct first name is slightly different from the one they use, and they also forget I kept my married name when I divorced - they know my surname of course, but they expect me to be Miss. The combination of the two make them look at me as if I'm giving fraudulent information.
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