Please excuse my emotional distance this week

[warch]

how can it be SO painful?

I dont know. Your heart, guts, mind are physically shifting. I know that you are hurting, and I'm with you bro.

[wolf]

UT,

Just to let you know, I'm here, I'm listening, and will do whatever I can for yah. (Offer void where prohibited by law and good taste).

skunks wrote:
I can't help but wonder which of you is secretly a shallow womanizer.

That would be all of them. Particularly that Sycamore dude.

(except slang, of course, who is a paragon of masculine virtue (he occasionally puts the seat down, even) ... NO I AM NOT DRUNK!!!)

[xoxoxoBruce]

Tx OC! We will meet someday... I want to see if you talk in purple too.

She do UT, she do.

(except slang, of course, who is a paragon of masculine virtue (he occasionally puts the seat down, even) ... NO I AM NOT DRUNK!!!)

Don't start with that toilet seat shit.

The problem with helping the needy, is that in order to effect a complete recovery they need to put everything behind them. That includes the one that helped them accomplish it. Always.

Hey UT, did I hear Syc is going to buy you a hooker? That's mighty nice of him considering they're expensive in AC. Here's one from Vegas.

[Elspode]

Originally posted by Undertoad
I never understood it before; how can it be SO painful? Nobody dies, people are just trying to improve on life's situation.

But it's the emotional bonds that make it painful - take any non-marital breakup you've had, and multiply it by ten.

Practically every thought I've had for 11 years and in the 5 years before that when we were going out, has been with her involved in some way.

You've hit the biggest part of it right on the head, UT. It hurts, because you *have* ceased to think of your partner as an individual, and started to think of her as a part of *you*. It would be equally painful to cut off a couple of toes. Oh, sure, you know you'll survive it and all, but it damn it, it hurts!

The other part of it is the rejection. It is simply hideous knowing that somehow, some way, against all reason, in direct opposition to everything you have tried to do...that someone would finally decide they were better off without you than with you. I'm still not over the shock of that from my first marriage, particularly when I see what I got traded in for. Sheesh.

However, none of this is an absolute, man. Therefore, it does not mean you have failed, or even done anything wrong. And, by the way, it *does* get better. It most definitely *does* get better...and this is coming from someone who gave some pretty serious consideration to checking out when he was going through it.

If you want some frank talk about my past divorce experience, you know how to PM me, but I won't drag it all across the board. It is a bit too sordid, but I promise some minor enlightenment if you do ask.

[xoxoxoBruce]

If you want some frank talk about my past divorce experience, you know how to PM me, but I won't drag it all across the board. It is a bit too sordid, but I promise some minor enlightenment if you do ask.

Good idea, that would spoil the book. Can hardly wait.

[Whit]

From Ep:
...that someone would finally decide they were better off without you than with you. I'm still not over the shock of that from my first marriage, particularly when I see what I got traded in for. Sheesh.

      You know, this is an interesting point because, I think, a lot of us have been there.
      We work so hard to make someone's life better, only to be left and then see them drop significantly. My theory is that I was artificially bolstering the level that person felt most comfortable at. Making them a better person than they actually wished to be. This sounds strange I know, but remember not everyone wishes to better themselves.
      Anyway, in my case I hold myself partially responsible. Clearly, I was transposing my own values on to someone else. Always a mistake. I say 'partially' because anytime I've done this I've been told the other person had the same values. So I made an honest mistake due to being to trusting. Still, it was my mistake to make. The results were foreseeable, my "help" is needed for a while, but eventually chafes. Then the breakup ensues.
      I'm not suggesting that this is what happened with UT, 'cause frankly I don't know enough about the specifics to have an opinion. Just relating what's happened to me, and from the sound of it, a lot of us.

[wolf]

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
Don't start with that toilet seat shit.

I wasn't gonna start with it ... honest. I truly don't give a damn whether it's up or it's down, or even if the roll is replaced when empty. I take responsibility for myself in such matters. (That, my ability to shoot, and love for violent videogames apparently makes me fairly prized as a companion and lifemate.)

[daniwong]

Originally posted by Whit
      You know, this is an interesting point because, I think, a lot of us have been there.
      We work so hard to make someone's life better, only to be left and then see them drop significantly. My theory is that I was artificially bolstering the level that person felt most comfortable at. Making them a better person than they actually wished to be. This sounds strange I know, but remember not everyone wishes to better themselves.
      Anyway, in my case I hold myself partially responsible. Clearly, I was transposing my own values on to someone else. Always a mistake. I say 'partially' because anytime I've done this I've been told the other person had the same values. So I made an honest mistake due to being to trusting. Still, it was my mistake to make. The results were foreseeable, my "help" is needed for a while, but eventually chafes. Then the breakup ensues.
      I'm not suggesting that this is what happened with UT, 'cause frankly I don't know enough about the specifics to have an opinion. Just relating what's happened to me, and from the sound of it, a lot of us.

This is what happend to me. I tried to take what I thought was a very simular human being with simular past relationship issues and build a very healthy relationship. BOY - was it not! I had someone that I was engaged to cheat on me and then leave me a note in my mailbox saying that he didn't want to get married. The other guy had a simular experience with his ex-fiance. Therefore - since both of us were very adamant about cheating and how it sucks to be on the other end of it - I knew I could trust this person. Until I found condoms & his socks and underware (that I bought him for christmas) in my roomate's bedroom after I had been out of town for a funeral.

So Toad - what that has to do with your situation - I have no idea. But the above hurt. It took months to get over it. Also - because I am a firm believer in Karma - I did nothing in retaliation. I didn't even have the big confruntation and screaming yelling match. I just moved. So - even to this day years later - I still get a pain just thinking about it. But - I know that I personally gave all I could to that relationship. I know how I acted and I can be proud of that. While my situation is different - you sound the same. Take pride in the fact that you cared so much and gave so much. Take pride in yourself. Yeah - it sucks - not gonna deny that. But little by little it does get easier. (Also - don't drink alone - unless watching Jerry Springer cause that makes your life look so much better.)

Huggles and snuggles to ya.

[MaggieL]

Originally posted by Whit
Lemme alone. (Unless you can hook me up with that lesbian experience...)

Well...

[99 44/100% pure]

Originally posted by Undertoad
. . . I never understood it before; how can it be SO painful? . . .

Wow, I was just reading this article and then stumbled upon this thread. UT, I am so sorry to hear your news. All I can offer is that I went through a divorce (after 15 years and 3 kids) that no one really wanted, but was inevitable due to a serious, ongoing medical/mental problem. It is now three years since we separated, and the divorce became final a few months ago. I seriously reconsidered several times, but this really seemes to have been the best outcome we could hope for (no headlines about "Wife, Kids Found Dead in Suburban Home" which was a distinct possibility).

When he finally moved out, our friends were shocked and disturbed, because the problems in the marriage were of such a private nature, and we were involved in so many facets of our community and held in high esteem as a 'happy couple.' It has given me a whole new perspective on the private lives of others -- as I drive through neighborhoods of manicured lawns and happy children, I am acutely aware that there's a story behind every door.

Similar to the outpouring of support you have received here, ranging from tangible assistance to simply 'being there,' I was heartened by the amazing response of my friends and neighbors -- to both of us. It really helped to know that so many people cared, and to such depth.

In the long run, after the pain, confusion, doubt, disarray, changes, etc., it has come out on the positive side; the kids are doing well, my ex is getting the treatment he needs, and I eventually met HB!

If we can help in any way, I sure hope you'll let us know. Can't offer much help with the employment, but we've got enough of all the rest to share (but aren't you staying in the house?) -- and, of course, if you meander down to Baltimore, we'd love to be your hosts.

[Elspode]

Originally posted by wolf


I wasn't gonna start with it ... honest. I truly don't give a damn whether it's up or it's down, or even if the roll is replaced when empty. I take responsibility for myself in such matters. (That, my ability to shoot, and love for violent videogames apparently makes me fairly prized as a companion and lifemate.)

My wife doesn't care about the tp being on the roll either...she must not, 'cause she never replaces it!

Wolf, it sounds like you are most guy's dream woman, but there are other qualifying characteristics:

1) Do you like televised sports, no matter what the subject?
2) How many socks and underwear on the floor is too many?
3) Your man says he needs a large screen TV. Do you (a) ask how much it costs, or (b) offer to drive to Best Buy?
4) Finances become tight. Do you (a) cut down on the ammo budget, or (b) rush out and bring home reloading equipment and coo sexily that it seems like a great couples' activity to you?

[OnyxCougar]

Is that question open to all the women or just Ms. Wolf?

[darclauz]

1) Do you like televised sports, no matter what the subject?

no matter what the subject, no...and golf is not a sport.

2) How many socks and underwear on the floor is too many?

ask me about the ones he left hanging on the bathroom doorknob the day i had the "ladies' circle" over to my house.


3) Your man says he needs a large screen TV. Do you (a) ask how much it costs, or (b) offer to drive to Best Buy?

I say -- your eyes must be going. get to the doctor, or..sit closer.

4) Finances become tight. Do you (a) cut down on the ammo budget, or (b) rush out and bring home reloading equipment and coo sexily that it seems like a great couples' activity to you?

this must be a wolf-only question....

[OnyxCougar]

[color=indigo]
Since dar replied, I'll throw mines in too.

1) Do you like televised sports, no matter what the subject?

If we assume golf is not a sport, YES!

2) How many socks and underwear on the floor is too many?

We have a FLOOR?

3) Your man says he needs a large screen TV. Do you (a) ask how much it costs, or (b) offer to drive to Best Buy?

(b) Offer to drive and try to convince him to buy surround sound/home theatre components on the way.

4) Finances become tight. Do you (a) cut down on the ammo budget, or (b) rush out and bring home reloading equipment and coo sexily that it seems like a great couples' activity to you?


B!!

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally posted by wolf


I wasn't gonna start with it ... honest. I truly don't give a damn whether it's up or it's down, or even if the roll is replaced when empty. I take responsibility for myself in such matters. (That, my ability to shoot, and love for violent videogames apparently makes me fairly prized as a companion and lifemate.)

C'mon, you're yanking my chain. I refuse to believe there is anyone, regardless of race, color, creed, religion or sexual preference, that is not annoyed by finding the tp roll empty. Especially when they just barely made it in time.:p
As a matter of fact, I think that's why Lucifer was cast out of heaven.