Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 347

BigV · 10-22-2014, 01:09 PM

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight", the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

Gravdigr · 10-23-2014, 03:45 PM

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DanaC · 10-23-2014, 06:08 PM

Hahahahahaah. that perfectly describes my current situation.

Gravdigr · 10-29-2014, 12:35 PM

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orthodoc · 10-29-2014, 10:13 PM

"Doctor," said the patient anxiously, "will I be able to play the piano after this surgery?"

"Of course," the doctor replied in a soothing voice. "You'll be able to play beautifully."

"That's great, doc! I never could play before!"

Carruthers · 11-01-2014, 11:57 AM

After Hallowe'en, here's a recipe for Pumpkin Pie:

Divide the circumference by the diameter.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-01-2014, 12:56 PM

.

DanaC · 11-01-2014, 01:38 PM

hahahahahahaha. Dark. Funny, but dark.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-01-2014, 10:56 PM

Insult 'em all...

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?
A. To a different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong .

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren't there any Afro-Americans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.

Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

Gravdigr · 11-02-2014, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Ha!

Carruthers · 11-02-2014, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Insult 'em all...

Well, at least the English emerged unscathed.

Tick tock, tick tock....

DanaC · 11-02-2014, 02:13 PM

How many Englishmen does it take to change a light bulb?

What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just fine.

DanaC · 11-02-2014, 02:15 PM

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-09-2014, 05:59 PM

Down at the home...

xoxoxoBruce · 11-09-2014, 08:44 PM

and...

10-22-2014, 01:09 PM	#5191
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight", the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four." "Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin. "Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those." __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

10-23-2014, 03:45 PM	#5192
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

10-29-2014, 12:35 PM	#5194
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

10-29-2014, 10:13 PM	#5195
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	"Doctor," said the patient anxiously, "will I be able to play the piano after this surgery?" "Of course," the doctor replied in a soothing voice. "You'll be able to play beautifully." "That's great, doc! I never could play before!" __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

11-01-2014, 11:57 AM	#5196
Carruthers Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire UK Posts: 4,059	After Hallowe'en, here's a recipe for Pumpkin Pie: Divide the circumference by the diameter. __________________

11-01-2014, 12:56 PM	#5197
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	. Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-01-2014, 10:56 PM	#5199
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Insult 'em all... Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem? A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ? A. To a different bar. Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby? A. Sum Ting Wong . Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A. A speech impediment. Q. Why aren't there any Afro-Americans on Star Trek? A. Because they're not going to work in the future either. Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe. Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word? A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!' Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.' Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-09-2014, 05:59 PM	#5204
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Down at the home... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-09-2014, 08:44 PM	#5205
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	and... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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