If I Were The Devil...

[Gravdigr]

That is just too on the nose.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Paul Harvey revised that piece a couple times over the years. There are a couple versions on the net, attributed to him, that are not even close.

[BigV]

He sounds pretty square.


*And* whiny.

[Undertoad]

I don't understand the part where the devil has control of a third of the world's real estate and four-fifths of its population

[BigV]

Where all da heathens at?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Heathen = non-Christians = Hindus, Muslims, Shintos, Buddhists, et al.

[Undertoad]

So according to Mr Harvey God created a world where 80% of the population is damned to darkness and eternal punishment because they didn't hear of him.

[Gravdigr]

You all have my sincerest apologies.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Yes, the devil got them first. If only they hadn't eaten that missionary.

A guy I know in GA wrote a wonderful four part story about the devil at work.
An excerpt... Satan called on the carpet for personally killing a human is talking to Gabriel and St Michael.

“I told you I am done and I am.” Satan said. “I broke our agreement. You are well within your rights to replace me. Are we through here?”
“You’re bluffing.” Michael sneered at Satan. “You’re trying to extort something out of us in exchange for you staying.”
“Hold on, Michael.” Gabriel said as he stood up. “Okay, Nick, what’s your terms, what do you want?”
“Don’t call me that.” Satan replied. “I’m not bluffing. I’m tired. I’ve been doing this for nearly eight thousand years. It’s getting old. It’s the same thing all the time. I lived in peace with the way things were for thirteen billion years. I miss that. This is a failed experiment. Call Junior and tell him to end it now, because my work here is done. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“Do not blasphemy in this place!” Michael warned. “You will not like it.”
“You know you cannot tinker with the timing of the end, and you know we cannot either.” Gabriel said. “You walk off and there is no telling what will happen. As bad as you are your control over some of the worst human beings is better than allowing them to run free.”
“So you do it, Michael.” Satan replied with a sigh. “We were brothers once. You listened to me. I thought you would have joined me. Now you can replace me. You were ready to fire me when this conversation began and now you’re trying to convince me to stay. That’s a bad way to punish me. And now I know you’ll buckle if I threaten to leave. I have to go now, you’ve spoiled me.” Satan laughed hard.

“I was taking all bets that all of this drama you created over Philadelphia Studstill was in the name of your next Anti-Christ.” Gabriel said after a few minutes. “That was a cute piece of work, tricking us into stopping time for this guy, and then tricking him into staying so we couldn’t interfere. You got everything you wanted the way you wanted it, and then, suddenly, you kill him when he’s just over a year old. Then you execute the same Anti-Christ you went to so much trouble to save, and now you’re just going to walk off?”
“Yes.” Satan replied. “Yes, I am.”
“You are evil, but rarely stupid, and you’ve never been impulsive. You’re a long game player, Nick, and this isn’t like you at all.” Michael said.
“Don’t call me that.” Satan replied evenly. “That name is dead. And I am leaving. Do whatever the Hell you want, just do it without me.”

[Undertoad]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

You all have my sincerest apologies.

Naw man, we can still appreciate the sentiment and the fact that you shared it, and have this kind of discussion about it anyway