Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 396

Carruthers · 03-21-2020, 06:56 AM

I noticed the latest edition of Private Eye on sale in the supermarket yesterday...

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footfootfoot · 03-21-2020, 08:59 AM

Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet?

xoxoxoBruce · 03-21-2020, 09:10 AM

From that issue of Private...

Quote:

Keep it up
Laughter is the best medicine – unless of course you have syphilis, in which case it’s penicillin. There are no effective drugs yet for Covid-19 and the best ways to boost your immune system are not the nonsense new age supplements doing the rounds (there’s a $200 magic yoghurt pill you can shove up your arse) but laughter and sex. The second drug my GP surgery ran out of (after paracetamol) was Viagra. The best position for reduced transmission and improved lung function is the wheelbarrow. Just don’t go past your mum’s house. Enjoy your isolation. Look out for others. Try not to fall down the stairs. Don’t get caught in a bog-roll scrum (it’s the ideal breeding-ground for viruses). And remember it’s the simple pleasures, not the big scares, that give purpose and meaning to life. Coronavirus may yet teach us to behave in a kinder, gentler, less consumptive way.

Griff · 03-21-2020, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet?

I hate that I do that.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-22-2020, 01:16 AM

Musicians are suffering...

Diaphone Jim · 03-22-2020, 05:48 PM

https://i2.wp.com/www.theava.com/wp-...STFU.jpg?ssl=1

Squawk · 03-23-2020, 03:07 AM

When I said I was going to become a comedian they laughed at me.
They're not laughing now!

Griff · 03-23-2020, 07:27 AM

Classic!

Gravdigr · 03-23-2020, 03:21 PM

NSFW LANGUAGE

Carruthers · 03-23-2020, 03:21 PM

The Australian Border Force uncovered a massive haul of toilet paper at the airport yesterday.
Apparently it was concealed, wrapped in Cocaine.

My mate in Perth Emailed me that one yesterday.
Kindly address all complaints to him. Thank you.

Gravdigr · 03-23-2020, 03:47 PM

Man, those smugglers, boy, they'll do anything...

Carruthers · 03-23-2020, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Man, those smugglers, boy, they'll do anything...

Toilet tissue crime is rife, rife I tell you.

Coronavirus: Three men arrested over loo roll haul

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Quote:

Three men have been arrested after officers stopped a van and found a haul of stolen toilet rolls and hand wash.

Essex Police said they were called to reports that a vehicle had been driven through a building site barrier in Hatfield Peverel late on Friday.

The van was traced to the A13, where it was stopped at about 22:50 GMT at South Ockendon and the in-demand items were discovered.

The men have been held on suspicion of theft of a vehicle and burglary.

Police said the arrested men were a 28-year-old from Aveley, a 37-year-old from South Ockendon and a 41-year-old from Purfleet.

Essex Police wrote on Twitter: "Police officers always get a massive sense of satisfaction when we catch burglars, however we never expected to find this stolen loot in the boot.

"Stolen items recovered and three arrested all within an hour of it being reported. #ThatsHowWeRoll"

Link

BigV · 03-23-2020, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

NSFW LANGUAGE

"I'm just warnin' y'all, Justin's prolly busy right now."

monster · 03-23-2020, 10:37 PM

Not sure if this link will work for all, but we'll give it a go.
same vein:

https://www.facebook.com/sue.gwynne1...MTg1/?sk=h_chr

xoxoxoBruce · 03-24-2020, 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diaphone Jim

https://i2.wp.com/www.theava.com/wp-...STFU.jpg?ssl=1

I love that.

03-21-2020, 06:56 AM	#5926
Carruthers Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire UK Posts: 4,059	I noticed the latest edition of Private Eye on sale in the supermarket yesterday... __________________

03-21-2020, 08:59 AM	#5927
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Do you ever get bored of surfing the web on your computer and then pick up your phone to see what's happening on the smaller internet? __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

03-22-2020, 01:16 AM	#5930
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Musicians are suffering... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-23-2020, 03:07 AM	#5932
Squawk Peoploid Join Date: Aug 2017 Posts: 152	When I said I was going to become a comedian they laughed at me. They're not laughing now! __________________ 'Nothin' seems that weird anymore' Lo-Fidelity Allstars

03-23-2020, 07:27 AM	#5933
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Classic! __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

03-22-2020, 05:48 PM	#5931
Diaphone Jim Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Northern California Posts: 2,122	https://i2.wp.com/www.theava.com/wp-...STFU.jpg?ssl=1

03-23-2020, 03:21 PM	#5934
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	NSFW LANGUAGE __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-23-2020, 03:21 PM	#5935
Carruthers Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire UK Posts: 4,059	The Australian Border Force uncovered a massive haul of toilet paper at the airport yesterday. Apparently it was concealed, wrapped in Cocaine. My mate in Perth Emailed me that one yesterday. Kindly address all complaints to him. Thank you. __________________

03-23-2020, 03:47 PM	#5936
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Man, those smugglers, boy, they'll do anything... __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-23-2020, 10:37 PM	#5939
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Not sure if this link will work for all, but we'll give it a go. same vein: https://www.facebook.com/sue.gwynne1...MTg1/?sk=h_chr __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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