Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 36

09-09-2005, 01:51 PM

And for those of you with a Welsh heritage:

One day the King of England was out riding with his army through the Welsh countryside. Suddenly a Welshman popped out from behind a thicket and yelled, "One Welshman is worth two Englishmen!" The King laughed and sent two of his best men into the thicket after the Welshman. After a brief wait, the Welshman stuck his head out of the thicket again and shouted, "One Welshman is worth 10 Englishmen!" Feeling somewhat irritated, the king ordered 10 of his men into the thicket. A short while later, the Welshman again came out and announced, "One Welshman is worth a hundred Englishmen!" With a curse, the King ordered 100 of his best soldiers into the thicket. Sometime later, a single English soldier, nearly dead from the beating he had taken, crawled from the thicket and exclaimed, "Your Majesty, its a trap! There are TWO of them in there!"

BigV · 09-09-2005, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bargalunan

Donkey

Ahhh, you wanted to say ass, actually. Or pyg, if you hang out with UG. But please don't say:

cause he's really (really) a:

Or...maybe this--it would explain the postition of the book.

09-09-2005, 03:16 PM

Do not take the name "ass" in vain! I happen to be part Welsh!

(love the dead elephant by the way - wonder when they're gonna get around to hauling it out of the White House!)

Elspode · 09-09-2005, 03:19 PM

Well, they've just given FEMA Boss Brown the boot from the Katrina effort, so let's hope the revolving door just keeps on spinning!

bargalunan · 09-09-2005, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

Ahhh, you wanted to say ass, actually.

Right, I forgot your political symbols.

Cyclefrance · 09-10-2005, 06:05 AM

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!".

"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?".

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . .

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but........He's a dead ringer for his brother".

BOOM! BOOM!

Cyclefrance · 09-13-2005, 04:05 PM

From the box last night: I walked past a loaf of bread and thought I saw your name on it - but when I went back it said 'thick cut'.

lheene · 09-13-2005, 10:14 PM

You want humor.... here's my contribution. Islamic Firing Range Bloopers DOH!!!!

Iggy · 09-14-2005, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

From the box last night: I walked past a loaf of bread and thought I saw your name on it - but when I went back it said 'thick cut'.

I hate to admit it... but I don't get it... Could someone enlighten me?

edit: apparently I can't spell either (I fixed admidt)

xoxoxoBruce · 09-15-2005, 02:25 AM

Thanks Iggy, you saved me the embarrassment.

Kagen4o4 · 09-15-2005, 03:28 AM

sick c*nt ??
i dunno either

Cyclefrance · 09-15-2005, 04:34 AM

Funnier because no one tried to make it funny...

Kagen4o4 · 09-15-2005, 05:31 AM

that IS funny

Hobbs · 09-15-2005, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lheene

You want humor.... here's my contribution. Islamic Firing Range Bloopers DOH!!!!

I have seen this clip and there is actually another one floating around out there. It is the same room with the same gun, only the person shooting it looks to be a European or an American. He does the same thing, fires the gun and takes a headlong into the glass door behind him. If I find it, I post the link.

plthijinx · 09-15-2005, 01:50 PM

HEY! that's my BEER!

09-09-2005, 03:19 PM	#529
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Well, they've just given FEMA Boss Brown the boot from the Katrina effort, so let's hope the revolving door just keeps on spinning! __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

09-10-2005, 06:05 AM	#531
Cyclefrance Pump my ride! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England Posts: 1,890	Musical Joke (slightly aged...) After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!". "No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?". "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell." WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . . The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but........He's a dead ringer for his brother". BOOM! BOOM! __________________ Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears

09-13-2005, 04:05 PM	#532
Cyclefrance Pump my ride! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England Posts: 1,890	From the box last night: I walked past a loaf of bread and thought I saw your name on it - but when I went back it said 'thick cut'. __________________ Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears

09-15-2005, 02:25 AM	#535
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Thanks Iggy, you saved me the embarrassment. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

09-15-2005, 04:34 AM	#537
Cyclefrance Pump my ride! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England Posts: 1,890	Funnier because no one tried to make it funny... Attached Images __________________ Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears

09-09-2005, 01:51 PM	#526
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	And for those of you with a Welsh heritage: One day the King of England was out riding with his army through the Welsh countryside. Suddenly a Welshman popped out from behind a thicket and yelled, "One Welshman is worth two Englishmen!" The King laughed and sent two of his best men into the thicket after the Welshman. After a brief wait, the Welshman stuck his head out of the thicket again and shouted, "One Welshman is worth 10 Englishmen!" Feeling somewhat irritated, the king ordered 10 of his men into the thicket. A short while later, the Welshman again came out and announced, "One Welshman is worth a hundred Englishmen!" With a curse, the King ordered 100 of his best soldiers into the thicket. Sometime later, a single English soldier, nearly dead from the beating he had taken, crawled from the thicket and exclaimed, "Your Majesty, its a trap! There are TWO of them in there!"

09-09-2005, 03:16 PM	#528
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Do not take the name "ass" in vain! I happen to be part Welsh! (love the dead elephant by the way - wonder when they're gonna get around to hauling it out of the White House!)

09-13-2005, 10:14 PM	#533
lheene Resident Denizen Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 60	You want humor.... here's my contribution. Islamic Firing Range Bloopers DOH!!!!

09-15-2005, 03:28 AM	#536
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	sick c*nt ?? i dunno either

09-15-2005, 05:31 AM	#538
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	that IS funny

09-15-2005, 01:50 PM	#540
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	HEY! that's my BEER! Attached Images __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

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