The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Home Base
FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

Home Base A starting point, and place for threads don't seem to belong anywhere else

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-20-2010, 05:18 AM   #3721
GunMaster357
Professor
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
I was reading in the paper today about this midget that got pickpocketed.


How could anyone stoop so low?
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce
GunMaster357 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2010, 07:19 AM   #3722
Sheldonrs
Master Dwellar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 4,412
Quote:
Originally Posted by GunMaster357 View Post
I was reading in the paper today about this midget that got pickpocketed.


How could anyone stoop so low?
I read that he's also a psychic wanted for murder.
The headline read "Small Medium at Large.".
__________________
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.
Sheldonrs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2010, 08:33 AM   #3723
GunMaster357
Professor
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.


AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . .

#1 - You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce
GunMaster357 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-2010, 09:15 PM   #3724
monster
I hear them call the tide
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
__________________
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
monster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2010, 08:55 PM   #3725
Nirvana
Back in 10
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,684
NSFW

*
Attached Images
 
__________________
Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.
Nirvana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2010, 09:32 PM   #3726
toranokaze
I'm still a jerk
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Little Mexico
Posts: 1,817
http://km-stressnet.blogspot.com/201...se-tornar.html
__________________
"Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa

It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge

The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering.
toranokaze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 03:01 PM   #3727
Sheldonrs
Master Dwellar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 4,412
A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:


BUMP...



BUMP...



BUMP...




Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.



BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...




Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.




FASTER...



FASTER...




BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP.....



He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.


clappity-BUMP...



clappity-BUMP...


clappity-BUMP...


on his heels, as the terrified man runs.



Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.








Bumping and clapping toward him.





The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...


and,















(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)









The coffin stops.
__________________
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.
Sheldonrs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2010, 03:05 PM   #3728
Shawnee123
Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya?
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,206
Oldie but goodie, Sheldon!
__________________
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice.
--Bill Cosby
Shawnee123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-24-2010, 09:56 PM   #3729
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
For The Grammar Nazis

This shit makes me laugh
Attached Images
 
__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-24-2010, 09:57 PM   #3730
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
.
Attached Images
 
__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-24-2010, 09:59 PM   #3731
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
.,
Attached Images
 
__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-24-2010, 10:00 PM   #3732
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
,,
Attached Images
 
__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-24-2010, 10:00 PM   #3733
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
.,.
Attached Images
 
__________________
The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-25-2010, 05:44 AM   #3734
GunMaster357
Professor
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
It seems to me that English has the same problems as French.

More and more people loose their spelling because they're lazy and refuse to exert themselves.

I once saw the French word "orthographe" ("spelling" in English) spelled "ortograf". the writer was a French student in French literature.

Not so funny...
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce
GunMaster357 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-25-2010, 09:42 AM   #3735
glatt
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
My 3rd grade son is learning the its, it's, your, you're rules this week. He mostly gets them. This is 3rd grade stuff.
glatt is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
humor


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 22 (0 members and 22 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:08 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.